WILLY WONKA and the Chocolate Facory (1971) * * *

WILLY WONKA and the Chocolate Factory is a musical fable, a cult classic for both children and adults. Charlie Bucket (Peter Ostrum) is a poor boy who can barely support his family. He finds the last of the five "golden tickets" in a Wonka Bar, which allows him to tour the strangest candy factory in the world. Charlie and his Grandpa Joe (Jack Albertson) visit the thrilling and dangerous factory with four insufferable brats who are also lucky winners. All have been approached by Ansel Slugworth (Gunter Meisner), who wants an Everlasting Gobstopper, a candy that can be licked forever without losing its flavour.

Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder), reclusive and enigmatic owner of the mysterious candy factory, is the tour guide. The psychedelic trip through the factory is partly a children's paradise, but also a creepy funhouse. Wonka's workers are small orange men known as Oompa Loompas. The fantastic set includes rivers of flowing chocolate, giant edible mushrooms, lickable wallpaper, coat hooks shaped like hands that move, and candy bars that can be taken out of TV screens. When the kids take Everlasting Gobstoppers and start to run amuck, violating Wonka's ethics, one by one they disappear. Violet Beauregarde (Denise Nickerson) bloats with blueberry juice, Augustus Gloop (Michael Bollner) falls into a chocolate river, Veruca Salt (Julie Dawn Cole) is a bad egg and goes down the garbage chute, and Mike Teevee (Paris Themmen) is sent by Wonkavision.

(Charlie and Grandpa are floating in the Fizzy Lifting room and Grandpa does a somersault)
Charlie: "Hey, you did it, Grandpa."
Grandpa: "Ohhhh... ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket."
Charlie: "You can fly to the moon this way."
Grandpa: "Let's just fly south for the winter."
Charlie: "Why not? I'm a bird!"
Grandpa: "I'm a plane!"
Charlie: "I'm... going too high!"

Only Charlie and Grandpa Joe remain. Willy Wonka explains that they survived because they drank the forbidden Fizzy Lifting Drink without permission. Charlie gives his Everlasting Gobstopper back, proving his honesty, and wins not only a lifetime supply of chocolate, but the entire Wonka factory as well. It turns out Ansel Slugworth is actually an employee of the factory.

The movie is an adapatation of Roald Dahl's 1964 novel,"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". Dahl also wrote the movie script, although it was rewritten by David Seltzer (uncredited). This semi-satirical musical fantasy is tremendously imaginative, entertaining, charming, and fun for all age groups. However, some reviewers think the film has a cruel edge and is somewhat subversive. Others complain there is too much moralizing.

Eccentric purple-clad Willy Wonka often speaks in epigrams and says very witty things, such as: "Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple"; "If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have invented roller-skates"; "A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men."; "The suspense is terrible, I hope it will last."; and "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." My favorite is, "There's so much time, but so little to do." Willy Wonka uses many literary quotations, added by David Seltzer when he re-wrote Roald Dahl's script.

Music is by British songwriters Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley. Musical direction was by Walter Scharf. The songs are: "The Candy Man" (performed by Aubrey Woods), "Charlie's Paper Run", "Cheer Up, Charlie" (performed by Diana Sowle), "(I've Got A) Golden Ticket" (performed by Jack Albertson and Peter Ostrum), "Pure Imagination" (Performed by Gene Wilder), "Oompa Loompa Doompa-De-Do" (Performed by the Oompa Loompas), "The Wondrous Boat Ride" (performed by Gene Wilder), "Everlasting Gobstoppers", "The Bubble Machine", "Wonkamobile", "Wonkavision", "Wonkavator", "The Rowing Song" (performed by Gene Wilder), "Ach So Fromm" (performed by Gene Wilder) and "I Want It Now" (performed by Julie Dawn Cole).

Lines in the song "Sweet Lovers Love the Spring Time" are from Shakespeare's AS YOU LIKE IT, taken from the Celtic ballad "It Was a Lover and His Lass". The quote "We are the music-makers..." is from Arthur O'Shaughnessy's ODE. When Willy Wonka plays the piano, Mrs. Teevee says it is Rachmaninoff, although it is actually Mozart (it's a joke). The final Oompa Loompa song took over 5 takes to get it right, although one Oompa Loompa in the foreground obviously doesn't know the words to the song.

The cast also includes: Roy Kinnear (Mr. Henry Salt), Leonard Stone (Mr. Sam Beauregarde), Dora Denney (Mrs. Teevee), Ursula Reit (Mrs. Gloop), Diana Sowle (Mrs. Bucket), Aubrey Woods (Bill), David Battley (Mr. Turkentine), Peter Capell (The Tinker), Werner Heyking (Mr. Jopeck), Peter Stuart (Winkelmann), Dora Altmann (Grandma Georgina), Rudy Borgstaller (Oompa Loompa), Pat Coombs (Henrietta Salt), Gloria Manon (Mrs. Curtis), Ernst Zielgler (Grandpa George), and many others. Mel Stuart directed.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005) is the second film adaptation of the book. It stars Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka and Freddie Highmore as Charlie Bucket. Tim Burton directed and intended his film to be a slightly modernized and closely adapted version of Roald Dahl's book, not a remake of the first film. Some critics complain that Depp's interpretation is an imitation of Michael Jackson or Jim Carrey. It's a great film, except Depp is mis-cast and ruins everything. He plays a repellent neo-hippie crackpot with zero charisma. Depp's Willy Wonka is an eccentric, perverse rich gay hippie with no appeal. At one point Depp says, "Let's boogie" and it is embarassingly bad because he is too stiff and prissy to ever do such a thing. Mike Myers or Jim Carrey would have made this a wonderful movie, but Depp is a complete disaster, absolutely dreadful. Interestingly, most of the Oompa Loompas are played by Rusty Goffe using digital technology to create replicas. There is an ongoing debate about which film is more faithful to the book, as both make changes to the source. Burton's version was initially better received than Stuart's, grossing over $400 million with a budget of $150 million, and was nominated for an Academy Award for Costume Design.

WIZARD OF OZ (1939) * * * *

Orphan Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) is a young girl who lives in rural Kansas with her Aunt Em (Clara Blandick), Uncle Henry (Charley Grapewin) and three farm hands. She owns a small dog Toto (Terry) that bites nasty neighbour Miss Gulch (Margaret Hamilton). One day during a storm she rides a tornado over the rainbow into Oz, specifically Munchkinland, populated by colourful midgets. The movie turns from black and white (sepia) to colour. Unfortunately, Dorothy's house lands on the Wicked Witch of the East and kills her. This gets her in trouble with the Wicked Witch of the West (Hamilton again).

Witch: "Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?"
Dorothy: "No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody."
Witch: "Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too."

The Munchkins are friendly to Dorothy, and Glinda the Good Witch of the North (Billie Burke) gives her ruby slippers from the dead witch for protection. She tells Dorothy to go to the Emerald City and ask the Wizard of Oz to return her to Kansas. Dorothy and Toto follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald City and meet some interesting friends along the way.

First she frees the Scarecrow (Ray Bolger) from the pole he is on, then helps the Tin Woodsman (Jack Haley) by oiling his rusty parts. Next the group meets the Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr) and he joins them. The Scarecrow wants a brain, the Tinman wants a heart, and the Lion wants courage. They believe that the Wizard can grant all their wishes.

After overcoming some minor obstacles, they arrive at the Emerald City. The Wizard (Frank Morgan) will only help them if they bring him the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. The witch says, "Helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentlemen? Well stay away from her, or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you, I'll make you into a beehive. Here Scarecrow, want to play ball?" On their way to the witch's castle they are attacked by flying monkeys that take Dorothy and Toto to the evil witch. Dorothy's three friends come to her rescue, and the witch is destroyed when Dorothy accidentally splashes her with water. Time for Dorothy to return home.

Dorothy: "Goodbye, Tinman. Oh, don't cry! You'll rust so dreadfully. Here's your oil can."
Tinman: "Now I know I've got a heart, 'cause it's breaking."
Dorothy: "Goodbye, Lion. I know it isn't right, but I'm going to miss the way you used to hollar for help before you found your courage."
Lion: "I never would've found it if it hadn't been for you."
Dorothy: (to Scarecrow) "I think I'm going to miss you most of all."

They give the broomstick to the Wizard, who confesses that he is a fake. He grants the three wishes to Dorothy's friends, then promises to return her to Kansas in a hot air balloon. Toto jumps out, followed by Dorothy and the balloon leaves without them. However, Glinda appears and tells her, "tap your heels together and repeat the words, 'There's no place like home'." Dorothy complies and awakens in her Kansas bedroom surrounded by family and friends.

THE WIZARD OF OZ is a genuine classic, an institution that has cast a spell on everybody who has watched it. The cast is flawless and the movie is absolute perfection, still fresh after many decades. It is an example of the Hollywood studio system at its best. The plot is vigorous and straightforward, with charming and memorable performances, set design, and music.

The movie is based on L. Frank Baum's 1900 novel, "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz". The title role was written for W. C. Fields, who was unable to commit. Frank Morgan is certainly adequate as the Wizard, but Fields would have been much better. Judy Garland was always favored to play Dorothy, although the director wanted Shirley Temple, Deanna Durbin, or Bonita Granville. Buddy Ebsen was cast as the Scarecrow, switched to the Tin Woodsman role, but the aluminum makeup made him sick. His voice can still be heard in "We're Off to See the Wizard".

The cast also includes many "Singer Midgets" as Munchkins: Gladys W. Allison, Josefine Balluck, John T. Bambury, Viola Banks, Charles Becker, Freda Besky, Henry Boers, Theodore Boers, Christie Buresh, Eddie Buresh, Lida Buresh, Betty Ann Cain, Mickey Carroll, Colonel Casper, Pinto Colvig, Nona Cooper, Elizabeth Coulter, Lewis Croft, Frank Hl. Cucksey, Billy Curtis, Eulie H. David, Eugene S. David, Jr., Ethel W. Denis, Prince Denis, Hazel I. Derthick, Gracie Doll, Tiny Doll, Major Doyle, Daisy Earles, Hary Earles, Carl. M. Erickson, Fern Formica, Addie, E. Frank, Thaisa L. Gardner, Jackie Gerlich, William A. Giblin, Jack Glicken, Carolyn E. Granger, Joseph Herbst, Jacob, Hofbauer, Spep Houghton, Clarence. C. Howeton, and many more.

Original music is by Harold Arlen, George Bassman, George E. Stoll, Herbert Stothart, and Robert W. Stringer. Non-original music is by Felix Mendelssohn-Barholdy, Modest Mussorgsky, Robert Schumann, and Egbert Van Alstyne. Victor Fleming directed with help from Mervyn LeRoy and King Vidor.

Songs in the movie are: "Over the Rainbow", "Munchkinland Medley", "Follow the Yellow Brick Road", "You're Off to See the Wizard", "If I Only Had a Brain", "We're Off to See the Wizard", "If I Only Had a Heart", If I Only Had the Nerve", "Optimistic Voices", "The Merry Old Land of Oz", "If I Were King of the Forest", The Happy Farmer", "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree", and "Home Sweet Home". Note: some of the songs are used only as background music.

Originally the film's runtime was 120 minutes, but preview responses resulted in it being cut to 101 minutes. However, the 50th anniversary edition includes some deleted scenes following the movie. There is a lovely Scarecrow dance scene, a jitterbug segment, and shots of Buddy Ebsen as the Tin Woodsman.

NEVERENDING STORY (1984) * * *

Bastian (Barret Oliver) is a 10 year-old boy recovering from him mother's recent death. His father (Gerald McRaney) is tyrannical and badgers him for daydreaming and doing poorly in school. In the schoolyard he is harassed by bullies. One day he goes to a strange bookstore run by Mr. Koreander (Thomas Hill) and finds "The Neverending Story", a book where he finds refuge in a magical fantasy.

Koreander: "Your books are safe. While you're reading them, you get to become Tarzan or Robinson Crusoe."
Bastian: "But that's what I like about 'em."
Koreander: "Ahh, but afterwards you get to be a little boy again."
Bastian: "Wh-what do you mean?"
Koreander: "Listen. Have you ever been Captain Nemo, trapped inside your submarine while the giant squid is attacking you?"
Bastian: "Yes."
Koreander: "Weren't you afraid you couldn't escape?"
Bastian: "But it's only a story."
Koreander: "That's what I'm talking about. The ones you read are safe."
Bastian: "And that one isn't?"

In the land of Fantasia, the sickly Childlike Empress (Tami Stronach) at the Ivory Tower contends with a strange force called The Nothing that is consuming her land. The Nothing is caused by bad dreams and hopeless fantasies.

Bastian: "What is that?"
Empress: "One grain of sand. It is all that remains of my vast empire."
Bastian: "Fantasia has totally disappeared?"
Empress: "Yes."
Bastian: "Then, everything's been in vain."
Empress: "No, it hasn't. Fantasia can arise anew, from your dreams and wishes, Bastian."

She sends a young warrior Atreyu (Noah Hathaway) to find a cure, and he encounters many unusual creatures such as rock-eating giants and swamp monsters. Morla, a large tortoise, doesn't care that the Childlike Empress is ill and Fantasia is perishing. He says, " We don't even care whether or not we care." Atreyu crosses the Sea of Possibilities, goes through the Swamp of Sadness, and flies on Falkor the luck dragon. Bastian is so engrossed in the story that he enters Fantasia and helps Atreyu save Fantasia.

Narrator: "Bastian made many other wishes, and had many other amazing adventures - before he finally returned to the ordinary world. But that's... another story."

Like THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987), the movie is a tale-within-a-tale. It is a slow-starting intelligent children's fantasy suitable for family viewing. There is some stimulus to the imagination, but not much humour. Special effects are lavish and the visual design is wonderful. However, it is a little heavy-handed with complex philosophizing and a meandering plot. But the script is sweet without being overly sentimental.

THE NEVERENDING STORY is adapted from Michael Ende's 1979 novel, "Die Unendliche Geschichte" translated by Ralph Manheim in 1983. Others in the cast include: Sydney Bromley (Engywook), Moses Gunn (Cairon), Deep Roy (Teeny Weeny), Tilo Pruechner (Night Hob), Patricia Hayes (Urgle), Drum Garrett, Darryl Cooksey, Nicholas Gilbert, Heinz Reincke, Frank Lenart, Silia Seidel, and others. The somewhat inappropriate music is by Klaus Doldinger and Giorgio Moroder. Herman Weigel and Wolfgang Petersen wrote the screenplay. Wolfgand Petersen directed.

NEVERENDING STORY II: THE NEXT CHAPTER (1990) is a little disappointing compared to the original. Bastian (Jonathan Brandis) feels alone because his mother is dead, father is too busy, and the swim coach complains of his "high wimp factor". He returns to Fantasia, reunites with Atreyu (Kenny Morrison) and meets Nimbly, a talking large bird.

Bastian: "Atreyu, get real."
Atreyu: "But I am real. What do you mean by 'getting real?'"
Bastian: "Nothing. It's a joke."
Atreyu: "Being real is a joke in your world?"

Characters from the first film have minor roles. The Childlike Empress is played by Alexandra Johnes. Bastian contends with "The Emptiness" and is manipulated by evil sorceress Xayda (Clarissa Burt) and her army of mechanical giants. This sequel is inferior, a little cheesy with unspecial effects and some violence, but it does contain the first Bugs Bunny cartoon in 26 years, "Box Office Bunny". Karin Howard scripted and Robert Folk composed the music. George Miller directed.

NEVERENDING STORY III: ESCAPE FROM FANTASIA (1994) is the weakest in the series. Bastian Bux (Jason James Richter) is a pre-teen who doesn't like his new stepsister or new school. He is bullied at school by a group called the "Nasties" who are featured in the story which stresses reality instead of fantasy.

Dog (a Nasty) "Hey Slip, what about the luck dragon?"
Falkor: "Oh no, this isn't my favorite part of the story."
Slip (a Nasty): "Looks like he's all out of luck."

The charm of the original is missing and the Fantasians have been scattered far and wide. This entry includes many creatures from the Jim Henson Creature Shop for the first time. Barky the Bark Troll (Kaefan Shaw), a walking and talking tree, has a large role. Karin Howard wrote the story and Jeff Lieberman wrote the screenplay. Music is by Per Gessle and Peter Wolf. Peter MacDonald directed.

MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (1961) * * 3/4

In 1865, during the American Civil War, Union prisoners of the Confederate Army escape in a hot-air observation balloon. The five escapees are Captain Cyrus Harding (Michael Craig), war correspondent Gideon Spilitt (Gary Merrill), Sgt. Jack Pencroft (Percy Herbert), sailor and Pencroft's adopted son Herbert "Bert" Brown (Michael Callan), and Cpl. Neb Nugent (Dan Jackson).

Herbert: "Hey, I know that uniform. Your'e a Union war correspondent."
Spilitt: "Very observant of you young man."

Their balloon crashes into the Pacific Ocean near New Zealand and the fugitives swim to an uncharted island. They are joined by two shipwrecked women, Lady Mary Fairchild (Joan Greenwood) and Elena Fairchild (Beth Rogan). The island is menaced by pirates and gigantic prehistoric animals, which turn out to be experitments of Captain Nemo (Herbert Lom), who wants to end starvation in the world. Captain Nemo says, "Contact with my own species has always disappointed me. Solitude gives me a freedom of mind and an independence of action."

Neb Nugent: "Captain... what language is this?"
Captain Harding: "It's Latin. 'Mihi libertas necessest.'"
Lady Fairchild: "I must have liberty."'

There are giant chickens, crabs, squid, a phorusrhacos, and an ammonite. A couple wander into a giant honeycomb. "What's that buzzing noise?" they ask, "It's getting closer." They are giant bees, of course. Eventually Nemo helps them escape from an erupting volcano in his submarine, the "Nautilus". Unfortunately, Captain Nemo perishes.

MYSTERIOUS ISLAND is based on a two-part 1874 novel by Jules Verne, a sequel to his "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea". Fairly loyal to Verne's book, the highlights of the movie are Ray Harryhausen's amazing stop-motion animation sequences. The monsters include a giant flightless bird called a Phorusrhacos and a giant cephalopod called a Chambered Nautiloid.

This action and adventure sci-fi fantasy is excellent. The combination of Ray Harryhausen with musical composer Bernard Hermann can't be beat. However, the movie tends to slow down between the special effects scenes. MYSTERIOUS ISLAND has been filmed at least nine times in the past century, and this version by director Cy Endfield is the best and most popular.

MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (1929) has sound and and was shot in Technicolor (!) for MGM. Unfortunately, it survives only in black and white. On a volcanic island near the kingdom of Hetvia rules Count Andre Dakkar (Lionel Barrymore), a leader and scientist who has ended class distinction on his island. His daughter Countess Sonia (Jacqueline Gadsden) and her fiance Nicolai Roget (Lloyd Hughes) escape in a submarine just before Baron Hubert Falon (Montagu Love) of Hetvia invades. The Baron chases Roget in a second submarine and on the ocean floor they discover a land of dragons, giant squid and a humanoid race. Lucien Hubbard directed.

MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (1951) has a similar plot to the 1961 version, except space travellers from the planet Mercury show up to complicate the plot. The aliens seek radioactive material to destroy Earth. Rulu (Karen Randle) puts people into a trance a few times with little effort. Captain Harding is played by Richard Crane, Pencroft is played by Marshall Reed, Bert Brown is played by Ralph Hodges, Captain Nemo is played by Leonard Penn, and the Mercurians are played by George Robotham, and Sid Ross. Spencer Gordon Bennett directed.

THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND OF CAPTAIN NEMO (1973) stars Omar Sharif as Captain Nemo and Amboise Bia as Neb. Many consider it the most faithful adaptation of the Jules Verne novel to date, although it adds some new sci-fi touches such as rayguns. This French/Spanish/Italian co-production is extremely rare and no English language version is known to exist. It was once popular around the world as a six-episode TV series version and was directed by Juan Antonio Bardem and Henri Colpi.

There is also a 1941 Russian production directed by Eduard Pentslin, a 1982 Hong Kong version directed by Cheh Chang, and a 1995 single season Canadian TV series with 23 episodes. Then there's a 2005 TV movie with Patrick Stewart as Captain Nemo and Kyle MacLachlan as Captain Harding, directed by Russel Mulcahy.

IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD (1963) * * 3/4

A group of drivers witness the accidental death of crook Smiler Grogan (Jimmy Durante), who literally kicks the bucket. Before his death, he gives details about the location of $350,000 stolen years before. A wild and interminable chase to end all movie car chase scenes ensues, as the group race 200 miles to the fictional town of Santa Rosita, California. Grogan says the loot is hidden "under the big W".

This epic adventure is a who's who of American comedy. Director Stanley Kramer tried to make "the comedy that would end all comedies". It is overlong at its original 192 minute release runtime, though it was edited down to a 154 minute version and has been available in various runtimes. The official MGM general release version is 161 minutes and it zips along at a very fast pace, yet is still exhausting to watch in one viewing. It is nonetheless quite funny scene for scene. The movie is big, splashy, and frantic as the chasers inflict mayhem on each other with cars, bicycles, elevators, explosives, and other things. They constantly argue about how to split the treasure. Scrupulously honest Police Captain C. G. Culpeper (Spencer Tracy) keeps a watchful eye on the proceedings because he has been on the Smiler Grogan case for years. Tracy is essentially the straight man in this comedy.

Lennie Pike (Jonathan Winters): "Even businessmen, who rob and cheat and steal from people everyday, even they have to pay taxes...and then they decide I'm supposed to get a smaller share, like I'm someone extra special stupid. Even if it is a democracy, in a democracy it don't matter how stupid you are, you still get an equal share."

Lt. Col. J. Algernon Hawthorne (Terry-Thomas) doesn't like America and complains about, "this infantile preoccupation with bosoms. In all the time in this Godforsaken country, the one thing that has appalled me most of all is this preposterous preoccupation with bosoms. Don't you realize they have become the dominant theme in American culture: in literature, advertising and all fields of entertainment and everything. I'll wager you anything you like that if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight."

Mrs. Marcus (Ethel Merman): "Now what kind of an attitude is that, these things happen? They only happen because this whole country is just full of people, who when these things happen, they just say these things happen, and that's why they happen! We gotta have control of what happens to us."

The long and complicated narrative is not worth explaining because the plot is ridiculously simple, but in the end all the men are tossed off a fire escape and go to the hospital. This film ends in the hospital where the men are in traction facing criminal proceedings. They all laugh when Mrs. Marcus slips and falls in front of them during another bitching tirade.

Culpeper: "Ginger, I want you to prepare yourself for a little shock. When I tell you what happened."
Ginger: "So, tell me, tell me. I've got this biscuit dough."
Culpeper: "The Smiler Grogan case is solved!"
Ginger: "The WHAT? Now, what the hell is the Smiler Grogan case?"
Culpeper: "The tuna factory robbery. The case I've been talking about for the last fifteen years!"

When the greedy criminals ask Captain Culpeper about their crimes, he replies, "I don't think you have to worry too much about that. My wife is divorcing me, my daughter is applying to the courts to have her name changed, my mother-in-law is suing me for damages, my pension has been revoked. And the only reason you 10 idiots will very likely get off lightly, is that the judge will have me up there to throw the book at."

Basically the movie is an overlong and overblown Keystone Kops-style slapstick car chase comedy that is an indictment of greed. Most people would do anything to be rich, and greed is the driving force of the film. The main reason for the film's inordinate length is the 1960's trend in Hollywood to produce "epics" to entice viewers away from TV and back to the movie theatres. There is no moderation in this bloated movie and some of the scenes are unnecessarily overdone and become tedious and repetitious. Actually, everything is overdone and indulgent: the cast, acting, stunts, jokes, gratuitous violence, and cinematography. But there are amazing driving sequences, innovative stunt work, countless locations, and all comics perform well in this long, long, long, long movie. However, bigger doesn't necessarily equal better.

The cast includes: Milton Berle (J. Russel Finch), Sid Caesar (Melville Crump), Buddy Hackett (Benjy Benjamin), Ethel Merman (Mrs. Marcus), Mickey Rooney (Dingy Bell), Dick Shawn (Sylvester Marcus), Phil Silvers (Otto Meyer), Terry-Thomas ( Lt. Col. Hawthorne), Jonathan Winters (Lennie Pike), Edie Adams (Monica Crump), Dorothy Provine (Eleine Marcus-Finch), Eddie "Rochester" Anderson (cab driver), Jim Backus (Tyler Fitzgerald), Jimmy Durante (Smiler Grogan), Spencer Tracy (Captain Culpeper), Selma Diamond (Ginger Culpeper), Ben Blue, Joe E. Brown, Alan Carney, Shick Chandler, Barrie Chase, Lloyd Corrigan, William Demarest, Andy Devine, Peter Falk, Norman Fell, Paul Ford, Stan Freberg, Loise Glenn, Leo Gorcey, Sterling Holloway, Edward Everett Horton, Mavin Kaplan, Buster Keaton, Don Knotts, Charles Lane, Mike Mazurki, Charles McGraw, Cliff Norton, Zasu Pitts, Carl Reiner, Madlyn Rhue, Roy Roberts, Arnold Stang, Nick Stewart, Joe DeRita, Larry Fine, Moe Howard, Sammee Tong, Jesse White, Jack Benny, Paul Birch, John Clarke, Stanley Clements, Howard Da Silva, Minta Durfee, Roy Engel, James Flavin, Nicholas Georgiade, Stacy Harris, Don. C. Harvey, Allen Jenkins, Robert Karnes, Tom Kennedy, Harry Lauter, Ben Lessy, Bobo Lewis, Jerry Lewis, Bob Mazurki, Barbara Pepper, Eddie Ryder, Charles Sherlock, Eddie Smith, and Doodles Weaver.

There were 52 stunt doubles who were paid a total of $252,000. Carey Loftin supervised all stunts and doubled for Terry-Thomas. However, many of the actors performed their own stunts. Sid Caesar severely injured his back while filming a hardware store scene. Phil Silvers injured himself in the face, and in later scenes his face is never shown to the camera. Silvers nearly drowned when he drives his car into a river. Milton Berle suffered a bump on his body for 6 months caused by Ethel Merman hitting him with her purse. Arnold Stang broke his arm.

Berle, Hackett, Caesar, and Rooney prove their genius in scene after scene. Ethel Merman is very overbearing and funny, never stops bitching, and steals the show. The Three Stooges get one of the picture's biggest laughs by standing motionless and silent as firemen in an airport scene for 5 seconds.

Music is by Ernest Gold, including an overture, intermission, and exit music. Lyrics are by Mack David. The screenplay is by William and Tania Rose. Stanley Kramer produced and directed. The production budget was $9,400,000 and it premiered November 7, 1963 at the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood. Filmed in Ultra Panavision 70, it was originally shown in Cinerama (the first Cinerama film using anamorphic lenses). The film's title is from Thomas Middleton's 1605 comedy stage play "A Mad World, My Masters". Stanley Kramer actually regretted not adding a fifth "Mad" to the title.

There are 20 more minutes of this film that have never been released, including a Buster Keaton routine. Pop singers "The Shirelles" filmed a song and dance sequence that was never used, although their performance of the title song and "31 flavours" is part of the film. The last reported showing of this film as a TV broadcast was on May 16, 1978, so you'll have to watch it on home video.

THE LOVED ONE (1965) * * *

THE LOVED ONE is a hilarious black comedy about the glamourous funeral industry in California. It was written by Evelyn Waugh in 1948, after a visit to a Hollywood cemetery. Waugh's novel also attacks the "British Colony" in Tinseltown and was brilliantly adapted by Terry Southern and Christopher Isherwood for the film, which also takes pot shots at racism, materialism, populism, and commercialism.

Dennis Barlow (Robert Morse) is a young innocent English poet who visits California when he wins a free airline trip. He stays with his uncle, Sir Francis Hinley (John Gielgud), a portrait painter for a Hollywood movie studio who commits suicide when he is fired by young studio executive D. J. Jr. (Roddy McDowell).

Barlow is stuck with an exorbitant funeral bill, and takes a job at a cemetery. Whispering Glades cemetery is run by the Blessed Reverend Wilbur Glenworthy (Jonathan Winters), an unscrupulous clergyman. Mr. Starker (Liberace) is the unctuous coffin salesman. Horace Joyboy (Rod Steiger) chief embalmer with a lisp and effeminate mannerisms competes with Barlow for the affections of scatterbrained beautician Aimee Thanatogeous (Anjanette Comer). Mr. Joyboy is a momma's boy and his 400 pound glutton mother Mrs. Joyboy (Ayllene Gibbons) has to be seen to be believed. She obviously was an inspiration for John Waters. Most of her time is spent eating and Mr. Joyboy sings to her, "Mama's little Joyboy loves King Crab, King Crab..."

At Sir Hinley's funeral Barlow recites his poem for his late uncle: "They say dear Francis Hinsley, they say that you were hung. With red protruding eyeballs and black protruding tongue..." Barlow also plagiarizes classic poetry to woo Aimee Thanatogeous. She is promoted and is like a broken record repeating, "The first lady embalmer of Whispering Glades." When she shows Barlow around the Whispering Glades park she says, "These are the Falls of Xanadu, where the bodies of sailors, fisherman, yachtsmen, and admirals are buried underwater." Barlow remarks that the falls are not mentioned in Coleridge's poem and Aimee replies, "What poem? All the features here were created by the Blessed Reverend."

Jonathan Winters also plays twin brother Henry Glenworthy, who runs sleazy pet cemetery Happier Hunting Grounds where Barlow works. There is a great scene with Mr. Kenton (Milton Berle) regarding his wife's dead dog. Musician Paul Williams plays Gunther Fry, a 13-year old aeronautics genius who invents rockets to send corpses into "eternal orbit".

At a Whispering Glades Board of Directors meeting, the Blessed Reverend is distressed about the dismal profit forecasts for his funeral business. He announces plans to turn the cemetery into a very lucrative retirement city, "a haven for our senior citizens". One member asks, "You're not thinking of disinternment?" Another says, "Out of the question. After all, it's consecrated ground." The Blessed Reverend replies, "There's got to be a way to get those stiffs off my property."

Whispering Glades and its staff are bizarre. The film was promoted as "the motion picture with something to offend everyone", and it does not disappoint. Some of it is gross, disgusting, and macabre, but it is very funny. Jokes about death, love, sex, capitalism, religion, and poetry have lost some of their bite in our post-modern pop culture, but LOVED ONE is like a series of connected Monty Python sketches directed by David Lynch. It's a deadpan farce, irreverent, dense, obvious, intriguing, crass, creepy, and includes a coffin-based orgy scene with Air Force brass. A general says, "I don't trust those Washington egghead civilians. Too many pinko preverts."

The all-star cast also includes: Dana Andrews (Gen. Buck Brinkman), James Coburn (immigration officer), Tab Hunter (tour guide), Robert Morley (Sir Ambrose Ambercrombie), Margaret Leighton (Mrs. Helen Kenton), Barbara Nichols (Sadie Bldgett), Lionel Stander (Guru Brahmin), Roxanne Arlen (Hostess), Dort Clark, Pamela Curran (Hostess), Robert Easton (Dusty Acres), Don Haggerty (Haggerty), Chick Hearn (Announcer), Warren J. Kemmerling, Bernie Kopell, Asa Mynor (Nikki), Brad Moore, Alan Napier, Edwin Reimers, Reta Shaw, John Bleifer, Bella Bruck, Jamie Farr, Gail Gilmore, Beverly Powers, Martin Ransohoff, Christopher Riordan, Claire Kelly, and Elizabeth Ann Roberts. Ruth Gordon and Jayne Mansfield filmed scenes, but were cut from the released print. Original music is by John Addison and non-original music is by Edward Elgar. Tony Richardson directed.

This satire on the California way of death is not for everyone, but must be seen by those who appreciate sick humour. Film historian William K. Everson calls it "one of the best and most underrated comedies of the 1960's".

ARSENIC AND OLD LACE (1944) * * *

Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant) is a confirmed bachelor and drama critic with two wealthy aunts in Brooklyn. Martha Brewster (Jean Adair) and Abby Brewster (Josephine Hull) are kind and sweet spinsters with a solution for the loneliness of old gentlemen. They poison them with wine and bury them in their cellar--with a proper Christian burial, of course. They entrap their victims with a "Room For Rent" sign posted in front of the old Brewster family mansion. Their recipe: one gallon of homemade elderberry wine mixed with a teaspoon of arsenic, a half teaspoon of strychnine and a pinch of cyanide.

Nephew Teddy Brewster (John Alexander) is quite insane and thinks he is Theodore Roosevelt. He believes the murder victims died of yellow fever and the cellar is the Panama Canal. Teddy yells, "Charge!" and runs up the stairs blowing his bugle every time he enters the room. In his madness he imagines the stairs are San Juan Hill. The aunts have made arrangements for Teddy to be institutionalized in the Happydale Sanitarium after their passing.

Mortimer marries his fiancee Elaine Harper (Priscilla Lane), daughter of his neighbour Reverend Harper (Grant Mitchell). He wrote "Marriage: A Fraud and a Failure" and is working on "Mind Over Matrimony" so at first he tells Elaine, "Don't you understand? How can I marry you? Me! The symbol of bachelorhood. I've sneered at every love scene in every play. I've written four million words against marriage. Now I'll be hooked to a minister's daughter." They intend to honeymoon in Niagara Falls.

On Hallowe'en he visits his aunts to tell them the news, but discovers their secret when he finds a dead body in the window seat.
Mortimer: "Now look, darling, how did he die?"
Abby: "Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it."
Mortimer: "Well, how did the poison get in the wine?"
Martha: "Well, we put it in wine because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea it has a distinct odor."

Aunt Abby tells him, "Now Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman." Mortimer contacts the insane asylum to have Teddy committed to Happydale, but Mr. Witherspoon (Edward Everett Horton) explains, "We have several Theodore Roosevelts at the moment and it would lead to trouble. Now if he thought that, uh, well, Mr. Brewster, we're a bit short of Napoleons at present..."

To complicate matters, homicidal nephew Jonathan Brewster (Raymond Massey) shows up with dead bodies of his own. There are already a dozen buried in the cellar. Jonathan's partner is incompetent plastic surgeon Dr. Herman Einstein (Peter Lorre), whose operations made Jonathan look like Boris Karloff (who played the role on Broadway). The pair argue over how many people Jonathan has murdered.

Einstein: "Johnny, why did you kill that man? He was being nice to us and gave us a ride."
Jonathan: "He said I looked like Boris Karloff."
Einstein: "You got twelve, they got twelve."
(angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie)
Jonathan: "I've got thirteen!"
Einstein: "No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag."
Jonathan: "Thirteen. There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona."
Einstein: "Phoenix?"
Jonathan: "The filling station."
Einstein: "Filling station? Oh."
(gesture of slitting throat)
Einstein: "Yes.
Jonathan: "Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend."
Einstein: "You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia."
Jonathan: "He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him."
Einstein: "No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are."

Hull, Adair and Alexander repeat their roles from the Broadway production and are excellent. Grant is especially funny as the straight man reacting to an environment of lunacy, and when he falls in love with Elaine he feels the genetic madness in his family makes marriage impossible. Elaine tells him, "We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to strangle me. A taxi is waiting, and now you want to sleep on a window seat...You can take your honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!" In the end, Mortimer is happy to learn that he was actually adopted by the Brewsters.

Also in the cast are: Jack Carson (Patrick O'Hara), John Ridgely (Officer Saunders), Edward McNamara (Police Sgt. Brophy), James Gleason (Lt. Rooney), Grant Mitchell (Reverend Harper), Vaughan Glaser (Judge Cullman), Chester Clute (Dr. Gilchrist), Edward McWade (Mr. Gibbs), Garry Owen (cab driver), and Charles Lane (Reporter at Marriage License Office), Sol Gorss, Hank Mann, Spec O'Donnell, Lee Phelps, Leo White, and Jean Wong. The script is by Julius J. and Philip G. Epstein. Music is by Max Steiner. Frank Capra directed this adaptation of Joseph Kesselring's hit Broadway play.

The play was such a smashing success on Broadway that it delayed the release of the film. It was made in 1941, but not released until September 23, 1944. This black farce is set-bound and ends rather abruptly, but it is one of the best madcap screwball comedies of all time. It is brilliant, frenetic, with non-stop action and comedy. Acting performances are perfect, there are lots of laughs mixed with creepiness, and it's one of the more sophisticated horror comedies.

In 1969 ARSENIC AND OLD LACE was remade as a TV movie with Bob Crane as Mortimer Brewster and Lilian Gish and Helen Hayes as the crazy aunts. This version is rarely watched and is very inferior to the original.

NETWORK (1976) * * *

Howard Beale (Peter Finch) is news anchor for the Evening News on fictional TV network UBS. He is fired due to low ratings and his termination will be effective in two weeks. The next night, Beale announces on the air that he will commit suicide by "blowing his brains out" with a gun in a future broadcast.

United Broadcasting System fires Beale because of his madness and problems with sponsors, but lets him back on the air when he promises to apologize. Instead, he rants about life being "bulls**t". Ratings for his show skyrocket, and because UBS is in fourth place, the executives are actually pleased and decide to exploit Beale's popularity. They will do anything to improve their ratings.

Beale's mental breakdown manifests itself in screaming diatribes on the air. He galvanizes the viewing audience with his rant, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore", and urges everybody to shout the same thing out their windows--which they do. Ratings soar, and Beale is given another program to host, "The Howard Beale Show", where he is the "mad prophet of the airwaves". It becomes the highest rated show on TV.

Some of Howard Beale's raving revelations:
"I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to write to your congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write."
"All I know is, you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a human being, goddamn it. My life has value.'"
"You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here, you're beginning to believe that the tube is reality and your own lives are unreal. You do. Why, whatever the tube tells you: you dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube. This is mass madness, you maniacs. In God's name, you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion."
"Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people."
"All human beings are becoming humanoids. All over the world, not just in America. We're just getting there faster since we're the most advanced country."
"We'll tell you anything you want to hear, we lie like hell."

At the same time, UBS producer and programmer Diana Christensen (Faye Dunaway) is also improving her status at the network. She is ruthless, cunning, predatory, and obsessed with her work, even when having sex with Max Schumacher (William Holden), a conscientious newsman. Frank Hackett (Robert Duvall) is a shark-like Vice President and Arthur Jensen (Ned Beatty) is an evangelistic Board Chairman. The network executives take turns yelling at each other. Performances are superb and startlingly realistic.

Diana: "I'm sorry for all those things I said to you last night. You're not the worst f**k I ever had. Believe me, I've had worse. You don't puff or snorkel and make death-like rattles. As a matter of fact, you're rather serene in the sack."
Max: "Why is it that a woman always thinks that the most savage thing she can say to a man is to impugn his c**ksmanship."
Diana: "I'm sorry I impugned your c**ksmanship."
Max: "I gave up comparing genitals back in the schoolyard."

When Beale discovers that UBS will be bought by a Saudi Arabian conglomerate, he asks the audience to contact the White House to stop the merger. Jensen lectures Beale on macroeconomics and persudes him to stop his populist messages. However, the audience is bored and depressed by his views on dehumanization, and ratings drop. Christensen arranges for Beale's on-air murder by terrorists from the UBS show, "The Mao-Tse Tung Hour", a new program in the fall season.

NETWORK is an outrageous and timeless satire on TV. This black comedy and fantasy is even more relevant today than when it was produced. It is a scathing indictment of the television industry that blurs the difference between reporting news and creating it. Uninhibited as it explores the inner workings of our most powerful medium, the director and screenwriter claimed it is not a satire, but a reflection of reality. NETWORK is noisy and tiresome at times. Also the cinematography is a little fuzzy and the soundtrack is mono.

Others in the cast include: Wesley Addy (Nelson Chaney), Arthur Burghardt (Great Ahmed Kahn), John Carpenter (George Bosch), Jordan Charney (Harry Hunter), Kathy Cronkite (Mary Ann Gifford), Ed Crowley (Joe Donnelly), Jerome Dempsey (Walter C. Amundsen), Conchata Ferrell (Barbara Schlesinger), Gene Gross (Milton K. Steinman), Stanley Grover (Jack Snowden), Cindy Grover (Caroline Schumacher), Darryl Hickman (Bill Herron), Mitchell Jason (Arthur Zangwill), Ken Kerch..Merrill Grant), Michael Lipton (Tommy Pellegrino), Michael Lombard (Willie Stein), Pirie MacDonald (Herb Thackeray), Bernard Pollock (Lou), Roy Poole (Sam Haywood), William Prince (Edward George Ruddy), Sasha von Scherler (Helen Miggs), Lane Smith (Robert McDonough), Ted Sorel (Giannini), Beatrice Straight (Louise Schumacher), Marlene Warfield (Laueen Hobbs), and many others. John Chancellor, Walter Cronkite, Gerald Ford, Betty Ford, Howard K. Smith, and David Susskind play themselves.

Paddy Chayefsky wrote the script. Sidney Lumet directed. Elliot Lawrence composed the original music, although there is no incidental music whatsoever in the film. The only music comes from commercials and TV show themes. Budget for the production was $3.8 million and it grossed $23,689,000 at the box office.

NETWORK was nominated for ten Academy Awards and won four. Peter Finch won a Best Actor award, the first person to win an acting award posthumously. Faye Dunaway won an Oscar for Best Actress. Sidney Lumet won the Best Director award. And Paddy Chayefsky won his third Oscar for Best Screenplay.

SCTV (1976-1984) * * *

"Don't touch that dial! Don't touch that one either! And stop touching yourself! SCTV is on the air!"

SCTV is a television station for the city of Melonville run by Guy Caballero (Joe Flaherty), owner and president who sits in a prop wheelchair to gain respect. The station broadcasts a range of cheap local programming such as soap opera "The Days of the Week", and schlocky horror movies such as "Dr. Tongue's 3-D House of Stewardesses" on "Monster Chiller Horror Theater".

Guy is too cheap to pay the ransom when Station Manager Moe Green (Harold Ramis) is captured by terrorists. On show 10 in Season 2, Guy announces that Moe Green is being replaced by Edith Prickley (Andrea Martin). She is a scream in her leopard-skin print outfit and over-the-top personality. Edith Prickley announces her plans for new programming: "Boobs, bums, good-looking hunky guys, and no more sports."

Everybody is great in the show, and John Candy is clearly the star. He has recurring roles as the vain and flamboyant Johnny La Rue; Harry "the guy with a snake on his face" who owns a porn store; vacuous Melonville Mayor Tommy Shanks; and Yosh Schmenge and his Leutonian polka band. He also plays Dr. Tongue, alien "Zontar" and does many devastating impressions. In three episodes he impersonates Divine and is even funnier than the original. Billy Sol Hurok (Candy) and Big Jim McBob (Flaherty) host "Celebrity Farm Report" and explode their guests, saying, "They blowed up, blowed up real good."

The show is similar to SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE and MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS. It is more timeless than SNL and has less of an edge. SNL, because it is live, must be topical and deal with current affairs. Therefore, we don't get much of the humour when we watch old shows, which might have skits about politicians we've completely forgotten. There was some cross-pollination with SNL. Martin Short, Robin Duke, and Tony Rosato moved to SNL, and SNL producer Don Novello came to SCTV for a while.

And unlike Monty Python, SCTV cannot cut from one sketch to another without resolution. It must stick to it's TV parody format. However, it does jump around in a similar manner by rapidly juxtaposing promotional clips, parodies, commercial send-ups, original characters, and impersonators of celebrities. The constant mixture of sketches of any length make it similar to Monty Python and SNL. Anything for a laugh.

SCTV is a writer's show, scripted mostly by the talented cast. Scripts range from good to excellent, and are quite dense. Shows must be watched alertly several times to be truly appreciated. The SCTV cast includes: John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Dave Thomas, Catherine O'Hara, Harold Ramis, Tony Rosato, Rick Moranis, Donald Cowper, Peter Wildman, Dick Blasucci, Robin Duke, Jayne Eastwood, and Monica Parker.

(Moe Green on Dialing for Dollars)
Moe Green: "We're trying to reach Mr. Paul Pope of Melonville to see if he knows the name of tonight's movie."
Moe Green: (on phone) "Hello. Hello, is this Paul Pope?"
Pope Paul: "No. This is Pope Paul"
Moe Green: "Pope Paul? We seem to have reached the Vatican, ladies and gentlemen. Well, hello, your Holiness, this is Moe Green on Dialing for Dollars."
Pope Paul: "Moe Green? Weren't you... hamana hamana"
Moe Green: "Uh, no. Your Holiness, we're trying to find someone who can tell us the name of tonight's movie."
Pope Paul: "Movie?"
Moe Green: "Yes. Would you like to take a guess? If you're correct, you'll win the jackpot of sixteen dollars."
Pope Paul: "Uh... hmmm... The Doberman Gang?"
Moe Green: "Oooo, I'm sorry, that isn't the name of tonight's movie, so that means that our jackpot will increase to seventeen dollars."

SECOND CITY TELEVISION first aired on Global TV in Canada on September 21, 1976, and ran for 2 seasons. It was a low-budget show produced by the Toronto branch of Chicago's Second City troupe. In 1980, after a year break, it moved to CBC for its third season. These 3 seasons were also syndicated in the US starting in 1977. In 1981, the series became "SCTV Network 90" then just SCTV, a 90 minute show on NBC. It continued to air on CBC as an hour show compiled from the NBC broadcasts. In 1983 it moved to Superchannel in Canada and Cinemax in the US for its final season as "SCTV Channel" with 45 minute shows. The last broadcast was July 17, 1984. There are 156 colour episodes in syndication, and all are 30 minute re-edited shows. For too many years SCTV was unavailable on home video, but it is now out on DVD.

Some of the most common sketches include SCTV News with Floyd Robertson (Joe Flaherty) and Earl Camembert (Eugene Levy), "The Sammy Maudlin Show", "Mel's Rock Pile" with Rockin' Mel Slirrup (Eugene Levy), and the "Great White North" with Bob and Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas). The two beer-guzzling hosers' popularity led to the feature film STRANGE BREW (1983).

Impersonations of celebrities are generally brilliant. John Candy plays Orson Welles, Julia Child, Luciano Pavrotti, Divine, Jackie Gleason, Alfred Hitchcock, etc. Eugene Levy plays Ricardo Montalban, Henry Kissinger, Milton Berle, and is perfect as Perry Como. Andrea Martin does Barbra Streisand, Connie Francis, Ethel Merman, Mother Teresa, etc. Catherine O'Hara plays Katharine Hepburn, Jane Fonda, Elizabeth Taylor, Brooke Shields, and as Lola Heatherton constantly says, "I love you. I want to bear your children." Martin Short is terrific as Jerry Lewis, Dustin Hoffman, Brian Linehan, Jamie Farr, etc. Dave Thomas is so perfect as Bob Hope, that the real Bob Hope complimented and hired him.

During the NBC years the show featured musical guests such as Doctor John, John Mellencamp, Boomtown Rats, Natalie Cole, Hall and Oates, and Tony Bennett. The musical stars were there at NBC's insistence and usually are included in sketches. Other guests include Robin Williams, John Gielgud, Ralph Richardson, Carol Burnett, and Bill Murray.

SCTV is a great show. John Candy, Martin Short, Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Harold Ramis, and Rick Moranis went on to bigger things. But some of their best comedy performances are on SCTV.

ERNEST GOES TO JAIL (1990) * * 1/2

Jim Varney stars in his third movie about Ernest P. Worrall, and also plays a second role as Felix Nash, a cold-blooded murderer and prison "boss". Ernest serves on the jury for Nash's murder trial, but Nash arranges for look-alike Ernest to go to jail, while he is free to plan a bank robbery where Ernest works.

The switch starts in court, when Felix Nash convinces the jury to tour the prison. Ernest is kidnapped and forced to swap roles with Nash. He has misadventures in the slammer, imitates famous actors at a mirror, tries to escape, then is sent by the prison warden (Charles Napier) to the electric chair.

Ernest: "Death row? You mean like the chair, the hot seat, dead meat, deep 6, it's over pal, you're outta here bub, the groundhogs are bringing you your mail, you're picking turnips with a step ladder, the no tomorrow row? That kind of row? Oh no. The row?"

(Ernest as Auntie Nelda)
Aunt Nelda: "Young Man, Would you please open that gate, I left my car running outside?"
Gate Guard: "Ma'am, You tell me how you got through this gate, the visitors area's on the other side of the prison."
Aunt Nelda: "I brought him up with the best I could, but sometimes a bad thief pulls from even the most fragile flower."
Gate Guard: "Ma'am, you are not going through this gate."
Aunt Nelda: "Is this the way you'd treat your mother? Is this the kind of abuse that poor woman must endure?"
Gate Guard: "Well, I guess that my mother is a little bit mad."
Aunt Nelda: "Mmmhmm! You ought to be in the slammer with the rest of these misfits. If you had any remorse at all for the horror you pushed your mother through, you'd open that gate. I have a car overheating as we speak."
(Ernest makes a snooty expression at the Gate Guard)
Gate Guard: "OK, OK."
(picks up phone)
Gate Guard: "All right! Let's open the east gate."
(hangs up)
Gate Guard: "There. Now you satisfied?"
Aunt Nelda: "Now tell your mother how her son has improved the spited shaded in somewhat chicken pass."

Ernest accepts his fate: "So it's come to this. A pointless, miserable end to a shallow, meaningless life. But it's as it should be. It's the hand I've been dealt, and I have to play it as it lays. Oh, I'm not going to cry because life's thrown me a curve. I'm not going to whine because I got mashed potatoes when French fries is what I really wanted. It's time for me to step up to the plate, belly up to the bar! It's time for me to look fate square in the eye, flare my nostrils, breathe life's last breath. It's time for me to lie down with lions so I can soar with the eagles. All right! I'm ready! Come and get me. Let's do it!"

Guard: "Would you like a cigarette or a blindfold or something?"
Ernest: "No, I'm afraid of the dark, and cigarettes will kill you."

But the execution fails, and Ernest is turned into a superhuman with the ability to shoot lightning bolts from his hands. Calling himself "Electro Man", he escapes from prison, returns home, and is shocked that his weirdly furnished place has been re-decorated in a lounge lizard style. He says, "I've been vandalized--by Elvis!"

Ernest goes to the bank where he is the janitor and finds Nash robbing the bank. He uses his super powers to fly through the skylight with a bomb Nash had attached to the vault. There is a tremendous explosion and everyone assumes Ernest is dead, until he falls from the skylight onto Nash and says, "I came! I saw! I got blowed up!"

Ernest: "Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, 'I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw.'"
(finds his dog Rimshot in the trashcan) "What kind of person would throw away a perfectly good dog?"
"Real men are not intimidated by physical threats against their personal selves, and, ironically, neither am I."

Also in the cast are: Gailard Sartain (Chuck), Bill Byrge (Bobby), Barbara Tyson (Charlotte Sparrow), Barry Scott (Rubin Bartlett), Randall Cobb (Lyle), Dan Leegant (Oscar Pendlesmythe), Jim Conrad (Eddie), Jackie Welch (Judge), Melanie Wheeler (Prosecutor), Buck Ford (Defense Attorney), Daniel Butler (waiter), Myke R. Mueller (Vinnie), Barkley (Rimshot), and many others. Charlie Cohen wrote the script. Music is by Bruce Arntson and Kirby Shelstad. John R. Cherry III directed.

Jim Varney (1949-2000) made the bumbling and goofy Ernest character famous in many TV commercials before making movies. ERNEST GOES TO JAIL is a Disney production and contains no offensive language and Ernest plays multiple characters. It is cute, mindless, with some good slapstick and Ernest's usual child-like mugging and leering. This brainless screwball comedy has a good script and direction, and is silly, corny, cheesy, original, innocent, and wholesome fun. It's the second most successful Ernest movie, after ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS (1988), and it grossed over $25,000,000. The film is considered by his fans and detractors as his very best.

Adventures of PLUTO NASH (2002) * * 1/2

In 2087 Pluto Nash (Eddie Murphy) owns one of the best nightclubs on the Moon. Rex Crater (Murphy again) plans to take over the entire Moon, and wants to buy Pluto's club. Gangsters destroy the club, and Pluto, singer Dina Lake (Rosario Dawson) and robot Bruno (Randy Quaid) flee. The trio find out what Rex Crater wants with help from singer Tony Francis (Jay Mohr).

Pluto asks Tony Francis if he married twins. Tony replies, "No, I met the perfect woman, so I had her cloned." Dina Lake asks, "Which one is which?" Tony says, "Who cares?" And when Pluto tells Dina that Tony will help them because "He couldn't sing a note if it weren't for me.", she asks, "You taught Tony Francis how to sing?" "No", replies Pluto, "I convinced a bookie not to pour some acid down his throat."

Pluto: "That's a cryogenic Chihuahua."
Dina: "It's a real dog?"
Pluto: "Oh, yeah, it's very delicate. You know it's illegal to bring pets up here. But I got a friend back in Juarez who knows how to freeze-dry these things. Look at that. It's a girl. Pop that little bitch in the particle wave for two minutes on defrost... she'll be running around the room."

Last night I watched PLUTO NASH for the second time. Overall, the movie is reminiscent of Schwarzenegger's TOTAL RECALL, which takes place on Mars. When I saw the trailer for PLUTO NASH a few years ago, I was eager to see it. Everybody told me it was no good, made for kids, etc. They had never seen it! I could only find a Spanish language version until recently.

I loved it the first viewing, especially since I was expecting the worst. However, it does not seem to withstand repeated viewings very well. Great movies can be watched many times and each time we enjoy them more and notice something new. A good analogy is music. Beautiful music can be listened to many times, and each time we appreciate it more. Then there's bad music...

Eddie Murphy was brilliant on Saturday Night Live, the best talent in SNL's history. His live stand-up concerts, influenced by Richard Pryor, are hilarious. Murphy's shocking obscenities and other unique routines continue to entertain us on video. Now he has matured and seems infatuated with Walt Disney's family values. Have you seen HAUNTED MANSION? But all is not lost, for he also makes movies for adults and blacks.

PLUTO NASH was a critical and box office failure. With a budget of $100 million it grossed only $7 million. Eddie Murphy did not promote the film and jokingly said, "I know 2 or 3 people who liked this movie". Critics complained about the acting, dialogue, and lack of humour. It was nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Picture.

Others in the cast include: Joe Pantoliano (Mogan), Luis Guzman (Felix Laranga), James Rebhorn (Belcher), Peter Boyle (Rowland), Burt Young (Gino), Muguel A. Nunez Jr. (Miguel), Pam Grier (Flura Nash), John Cleese (James), Victor Varnado (Kelp), Illeana Douglas (Babette), Alissa Kramer (Gina Francis) Heidi Kramer (Filomina Francis), Lillo Brancato (Larry), Alex Sol (Tommy), Doug Spinuzza (Doug), Roc LaFortune (Jimmy), Russel Yuen (Oliver), Eric Hoziel (Johnson), Christopher Bregman (Michalak), Marlon Sterling Long (Lindsey), Alexander Bisping (Ted Jeffreries), Alec Baldwin (M.Z.M.), Patrick Kerton (Colins), Linda Smith (Dr. Runa Pendanken), Brian D. Wright (Ed), and many others. Neil Cuthbert wrote the script. John Powell composed the music. Ron Underwood directed.

THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH is best suited for Murphy fans, sci-fi/fantasy fans, and kids. It is rated "PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned", but many "kids movies" today would have been banned for adults a few decades ago. We've come a long way, and comic geniuses like Murphy have taken us here.

LI'L ABNER (1959) * * *

LI'L ABNER is a musical comedy based on the 1956 Broadway version of Al Kapp's syndicated comic strip that ran from 1934 until 1977. Most of the actors and dancers from the stage version are in the film, and it is remarkably faithful to its source.

The hillbilly town of Dogpatch fights the government's plan to turn it into a site for atomic bombs, while the army does a body-building experiment on Li'l Abner Yokum (Peter Palmer). Earthquake McGoon (Ben Hoffman) wants to marry Daisy Mae (Leslie Parish), who wants to marry Li'l Abner. He justs wants to go fishing. Pansy "Mammy" Yokum (Billie Hayes) has a tonic that might save the town. Li'l Abner offers the tonic to Washington, but General Bullmoose (Howard St. John) wants it too. The plot thickens.

Mammy Yoakum: "Is you inferring you has money?"
Earthquake: "Lady, I is filthy with it."
Mammy Yoakum: "Mister, you is filthy without it."
Sen. Phogbound: "I'll bet you were wondering what I've been doing up there in Washington, D.C. these past eighteen years."
Mammy Yoakum: "We didn't care, as long as you was there and we was here!"

Mammy Yoakum: "You gals are going to have to go through a before-marriage custom called engagement."
Moonbeam: "Engagement, what's that?"
Mammy Yoakum: "That's the part before the gal says 'Shore do!' and the preacher says 'Go, too!'"
Moonbeam: "How long this engagement thing last?"
Mammy Yoakum: "Sometimes a whole month."
Moonbeam: "A whole month? What are they, insecure?"

LI'L ABNER is a bright, cheerful and corny comedy, energetic and fast paced. One highlight is the music and dance sequence of the Sadie Hawkins Day race, in which the women of Dogpatch can marry the men they catch. The film is somewhat reminiscent of the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES TV show in some ways. It's a dated political satire, with off-beat wry humour, overacting, and quite a few sexual innuendoes.

The cast also includes: Stubby Kaye (Marryin' Sam), Julie Newmar (Stupefyin' Jones), Stella Stevens (Appassionata Von Climax), Joe E. Marks (Pappy Yokum), Al Nesor (Eagle Eye Fleagle), Robert Strauss (Romeo Scragg), William Lanteau (Available Jones), Ted Thurston (Sen. Jack S. Phogbound), Carmen Alvarez (Moonbeam McSwine), Alan Carney (Mayor Daniel D. Dogmeat), Stanley Simmonds (Rasmussen T. Finsdale), Diki Lerner (Lonesome Polecat), Joe Ploski (Hairless Joe), Jerry Lewis (Itchy McRabbit), and many others. Melvin Frank and Norman Panama wrote the script and Melvin Frank directed.

Music from the stage musical is by Gene de Paul. Original music is by Joesph J. Lilley and Nelson Riddle, who conducted. The Johnny Mercer songs are: "It's a Typical Day" (performed by the entire cast), "If I Had My Druthers" (performed by Peter Palmer), "Jubilation T. Cornpone" (performed by Stubby Kaye), "Rag Offen the Bush" (performed by the entire cast), "Namely You" (performed by Leslie Paish and Peter Palmer), "What's Good for General Bullmoose" (performed by Howard St. John, Stella Stevens, and Ted Thurston), "The Country's in the Very Best of Hands" (performed by Peter Palmer and Stubby Kaye), "I'm Past My Prime" (performed by Leslie Parish and Stubby Kaye), "Put 'em Back" (performed by Carmen Alvarez), and "Matrimonial Stomp" (performed by Stubby Kaye). The soundtrack is mono.

During Li'l Abner's and Sam's "The Country's in the Very Best of Hands" musical number, both Mayor Dawgmeat and his podium disappear twice. Nelson Riddle and Joseph J. Lilley were nominated for an Academy Award for their score. Nelson Riddle was nominated for a Grammy. LI'L ABNER was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Musical.

LI'L ABNER (1940) is a low-budget, poorly scripted adaptation of Al Kapp's comic strip. A great cast of silent film's best comics in grotesque makeup bring the characters to life, but it is not funny. The cast includes: Buster Keaton, Jeff York, Martha O'Driscoll, Mona Ray, Johnnie Morris, Billy Seward, Kay Sutton, Maude Eburne, Edgar Kennedy, Doodles Weaver, and many others. Tyler Johnson and Charles Kerr wrote the screenplay and Albert S. Rogell directed.

POPEYE (1980) * * 2/3

Robin Williams made his feature film starring debut as Popeye the sailor man. The movie adaptation is a musical based mostly on the Elzie Crisler Segar comic strip, rather than the Max Fleischer animated cartoons. Yet, the film begins with an authentic intro from the original black and white POPEYE cartoons.

Popeye arrives by dinghy in the seaside town of Sweet Haven looking for his long-lost father. He meets Wimpy (Paul Dooley) who loves hamburgers, Olive Oyl (Shelley Duvall), the love of his life, and Bluto (Paul L. Smith), a mean and nasty pirate who runs Sweet Haven. His dad Poopdeck Pappy (Ray Walston) shows up, he adopts Swee' pea (Wesley Ivan Hurt), and is determined to stop Bluto. He mops the floor with punks in Wimpy's burger joint, stops a greedy tax collector (Donald Moffat), and defeats a champion boxer.

Popeye: "I found him in Sweet Haven, that's why I am calling him Swee'Pea. That is his name."
Olive : "Swee'Pea is the worst name I've ever heard on a baby."
Popeye: "Well what do you wants me to call him? Baby Oyl?"

Like a cartoon character brought to life, Williams has massive forearms and mutters asides under his breath, a pipe clenched in his teeth. Often it's difficult to understand what he is saying. Both he and Shelley Duvall are perfect for their roles. Popeye sings, "I'm one tough gazookas that hates all palookas that ain't on the up and square. I biffs 'em and always out-roughs 'em and none of 'em gets nowhere. So keep good behavior, it's your one lifesaver, with Popeye the Sailor Man."

Popeye: "How come carrots is a dollar?"
Geezil: "$1.50. You buy what I don't feel like selling will cost you $2.00."
Popeye: (Takes the carrots and tosses Geezil a nickel)
Geezil: "Ah ah. Nope, this is a nickel."
Popeye: "I'm payin' what I feels like payin'."
Tax Man: "You're not up to no good are you? Because if you are there's a 25¢ up to no good tax."

POPEYE is a big-budget musical comedy directed by Robert Altman. It is suitable for kids, rated PG, and should also be classified as a cult film. With the strange and awkward set design, it is fascinating to watch and is often lots of fun.

The songs by Harry Nilsson are: I Yam What I Yam; He Needs Me; Swee' Pea's Lullaby; Everything is Food; Din' We; Sweet Haven; Blow Me Down; Sailin'; It's Not Easy Being Me; Children; He's Large; I'm Mean; Food, Food, Food; and Kids. "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man" was written by Samuel Lerner.

Nilsson took his band to Malta, where a special recording studio was constructed for the movie. Music was also recorded and mixed at Cherokee Studios, co-produced by Nilsson and Bruce Robb. Some of the songs are sung live in the film, and do not match the studio-recorded CD soundtrack. Shelley Duvall sings all her own songs.

Songs are cute and charming, and they advance the plot quite well. Examples are: "Sailin'", "He's Large", "I'm Mean", "Food, Food, Food", and "He Needs Me". There are very few rhymes in the songs; instead there is very much repetition. And Altman's style of cross-cutting to non-musical scenes during songs is quite evident.

One major criticism is the lack of action until the very end, when Popeye finally eats some spinach. Popeye dislikes spinach, and therefore Bluto forces him to eat some. This is ironic considering he is supposedly "strong to the finich, 'cause he eats his spinach!"

The cast also includes: Richard Libertini (Geezil), MacIntyre Dixon (Cole Oyl), Roberta Maxwell (Nana Oyl), Donovan Scott (Castor Oyl), Allan F. Nicholls (Rough House), Bill Irwin (Ham Gravy), Robert Fortier (Bill Barnacle), David McCharen (Harry Hotcash), Sharon Kinney (Cherry), Peter Bray (Oxblood Oxheart), Linda Hunt (Mrs. Oxheart), Geoff Hoyle (Scoop), Wayne Robson (Chizzelflint), Larry Pisoni (Chico), Calrlo Pellegrini (Swifty), Susan Kingsley (La Verne), Judy Burgess (Petunia), Saundra MacDonald (Violet), Michael Christiansen (Splatz), Van Dyke Parks (Hoagy), Dennis Franz (Spike), and many others. Jules Feiffer wrote the script.

This is one of my favorite Robin Williams films, but most movie reviewers do not like it. They write it is "astonishingly boring", "cluttered", and "uninspired and often pointless". I believe they simply do not like the Popeye character. If for some reason they did not like Shakespeare's Hamlet character, they would pan it as well. They are not being fair in their criticisms and honest about their prejudices.

POPEYE earned $50 million at the US box-office, more than twice its budget, and is still raking in money. It was filmed almost entirely on the Mediterranean island of Malta, in the village of Mellieha. The well-constructed set is now a popular tourist attraction called Popeye Village.

ALF (1986-90) * * *

Gordon Shumway, the last known survivor of the the planet Melmac, crash lands his space ship into the Tanner's suburban garage. William Tanner (Max Wright) names him ALF, an acronym for "Alien Life Form", and adopts him into his middle-class family.

ALF was born on October 28, 1756 on the Lower East side of Melmac, a planet located six parsecs past the Hydra-Centaurus Supercluster. It had a green sky, blue grass and a purple sun. Currency was "foam". Melmac exploded in a nuclear war. ALF is covered with orange fur, has a snout and eight stomachs. He attended high school for 122 years and was captain of the Bouillabaisseball team.

He has been compared to a talking family dog, but he is much more intelligent than that. The alien is blunt and sarcastic, constantly wisecracking and tossing off more one-liners than Bob Hope. He often quotes TV shows and pop songs, and makes alibis for his mischievous behavior. Food is a fixation and ALF loves the family cat Lucky, saying, "The only good cat is a stir-fried cat". He tries to hypnotize Lucky, saying, "You are getting sleepy. You are no longer a cat. You are a bagel." Similar to E.T. and the Muppets, ALF is an articulated puppet, with moving ears, eyes and mouth. Paul Fusco, creator of the show, provides the voice of ALF. In scenes where he is shown walking around, he is played by actor Mihaly "Michu" Meszaros.

William Tanner is a social worker. His wife Katherine Daphne "Kate" Halligan Tanner (Anne Schedeen) doesn't like ALF very much, but patiently tolerates his antics. Teen-age Lynn (Andrea Elson) and youngster Brian (Benji Gregory) are fond of him. In the final season the Tanners have a baby son Eric (J.R. and Charles Nickerson). The Tanners do an excellent job of reacting to the scene stealing ALF. At first he lives in the laundry room, then moves to the attic, but spends much time in the kitchen--where he is ordered to go when there are visitors.

Next door live the nosy Ochmoneks: Trevor (John LaMotta), Raquel (Liz Sheridan), and nephew Jake (Josh Blake). Many other characters appear in the show, including Kate's mother Dorothy Halligan (Anne Meara), and Willie's brother Neal Tanner (Jim M.Bullock).

(on a camping trip)
Willie: "One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us."
ALF: "Right. Let the alien starve."
Willie: "I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you. How would you like your hamburger?"
ALF: "Medium rare. Hold the lightning."
Willie: "How would you like to be 50% hair?"
ALF: "You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation."
Willie: "I'm just trying to make this vacation fun."
ALF: "How, by drowning us?"
Willie: "By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... Instead of complaining all the time."
Kate: "Guys, please."
ALF: "Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest."
Willie: "We're in this rainforest because of you!"
ALF: "I vote we go home."
Willie: "You're not voting in this."
ALF: "Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead."

ALF "Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?"
Kate: "Why?
ALF: "The cat won't fit in the toaster. Never mind, I'll make a peanut butter sandwich. Where's the blender?"
Kate: "Try it without the blender this time, and don't get hair in the peanut butter jar."
ALF: "Rules rules rules. Grease fire. Grease fire. Never mind, the curtains put me out."

Willie: "Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do."
ALF: "Well, that explains Ghostbusters II."
Lynn: "You have a cousin named Blinky?"
ALF: "Well, we call him that because he likes to eat lightbulbs."

Brian: "You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF."
ALF: "All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something."
Brian: "ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?"
ALF: "I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney."
Brian: "Do you get Sesame Street where you live?"
ALF: "No, and frankly I don't get it here either."

Debuting September 22, 1986, ALF is surely the best TV comedy of the 1980's, a Pop Culture phenomenon. ALF showed up as a "guest star" on TV shows such as THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES and THE TONIGHT SHOW. The series was NBC's most popular show and a merchandising goldmine.

102 episodes were produced and the name of each episode is also the name of a song relevant to the plot. ALF's constant quoting of pop songs is unprecedented. Music is by Alfred Clausen and Tom Kramer. There were 25 writers, most notably Paul Fusco, and 11 directors, especially Nick Havinga.

In the final season ALF is able to make contact with two other surviving Melmacians named Skip and Rhonda. Just as he is about to leave Earth, he is captured by the Alien Task Force. The last episode, "Consider Me Gone", was intended to be a cliffhanger, and the series ended on June 18, 1990.

PROJECT: ALF (1996) is a TV movie sequel that explains what happens to ALF. He lives on an Air Force Base with all the comforts of home, including endless supplies of food. Colonel Milfoil (Martin Sheen) wants to exterminate ALF, whereas Dr. Mulligan (William O'Leary) and Dr. Hill (Jensen Daggett) want to save him. They take ALF to somebody who wants to reveal him to the world. ALF escapes and embarks on a cross-country adventure to return home.

ALF and ALF TALES (1987-1990) is an animated version that was broadcast on NBC Saturday mornings. It first aired on September 26, 1987. The series follows ALF's adventures on Melmac with his family, girlfriend Rhonda, and friends Skip and Sloop. There are 47 episodes and the last is "King Midas" which was aired October 22, 1990.

Monty Python's THE MEANING OF LIFE (1983) * * *

Monty Python's 4th movie returns to the sketch format of their TV series. This is the last film with all the Pythons together as a group. It explores the many aspects of life and death, from procreation to the Grim Reaper and beyond.

Michael Palin said the film "ranges from philosophy to history to medicine to halibut--especially halibut." THE MEANING OF LIFE is outrageous, tasteless, offensive, irreverent, bizarre, and a gross-out. In other words, it is probably Monty Python's best movie.

The first pre-credits sequence is a short film about some old workers in a London insurance company, Crimson Permanent Assurance. It is the weakest sketch, too long at 16 minutes, not very funny and a bore to watch more than once or twice. The elderly office clerks rebel against their bosses, turn the building into a pirate ship, raid financial districts in big cities, then fall off the edge of the world. Good riddance. However, in all fairness, some Monty Python fans love it.

(large corporate boardroom filled with executives)
Exec 1: "Item six on the agenda: "The Meaning of Life". Now uh, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this."
Exec 2: "Yeah, I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts. One: People aren't wearing enough hats. Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this "soul" does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia."
Exec 3: "What was that about hats again?"
Exec 2: "Oh, Uh... people aren't wearing enough."
Exec 1: "Is this true?"
Exec 4: "Certainly. Hat sales have increased but not pari passu, as our research..."
Exec 3: "Not wearing enough? Enough for what purpose?"
Exec 5: "Can I just ask, with reference to your second point, when you say souls don't develop because people become distracted..."

All six Pythons appear as fish in a tank and discuss philosophy. These fish appear throughout the film, providing a little continuity with their comments. After the opening credits, "The Miracle of Birth, Part 1" involves scenes about the technology used in the modern birth process. Part 2 is a satire on the differences between Protestant and Roman Catholic views on contraception and sex.

A school teacher named Humphrey Williams (John Cleese) personally demonstrates live sex with his wife (Patricia Quinn) in his classroom of bored schoolboys.
Williams: "Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex. Where were we?"
(pupils can't remember)
Williams: "Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina?"
Pupils: "Uh, no, sir. No, sir."
Williams: "Well, had I done foreplay?"
Pupils: "Yes, sir. Yes, sir."
Williams: "Ah. Well, as we all know all about foreplay, no doubt you can tell me what the purpose of foreplay is. Biggs."
Biggs: "Um, don't know. Sorry, sir."
Williams: "Carter?"
Carter: "Oh. Uh, was it taking your clothes off, sir?"
Williams: "Well, a-and after that?"
Wymer: "Oh! Putting them on a lower peg, sir."
(Williams throws an object at Wymer for his stupidity)
Williams: "The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily."

An army officer (Terry Jones) is unable to rally his men during an attack, because the men insist on celebrating his birthday. Other vignettes include: philosophical discussions, vacation resorts, anti-semitism, middle class lifestyles, death, the after-life, and National Health doctors try to claim a liver from a living donor. Mr. Creosote (Terry Jones) steals the show as the world's largest glutton. MEANING OF LIFE won the Grand Jury Prize at the Cannes Film Festival. This is interesting because Orson Welles, surely Mr. Creosote's main competition for obesity, was a member of the jury.

Eric Idle sings the "Penis Song" much like Noel Coward in a posh restaurant:
"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your c**k.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back."

Every sketch has a meaning or moral. MEANING OF LIFE appeals mostly to fans of the "Flying Circus" TV series, and less so to fans of their "real" movies. It is more mature than their earlier comedy, with a darker edge. Beautifully filmed, it is also clever, daring, indulgent, disturbing, deliberately offensive, and of course delightfully silly.

The cast includes: Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, Carol Cleveland, Simon Jones (Cedric), Judy Loe (nurse), Andrew MacLachlan (Groom), Mark Holmes (severed head), Valerie Whittington (Mrs. Moore), Jennifer Franks (bride), Angela Mann, Peter Lovstrom, George Silver, Chris Grant, Sydney Arnold, Guy Bertrand, Andrew Bicknell, Ross Davidson, Myrtle Devenish, Tim Douglas, Eric Francis, Matt Frewer, Paul Bourke, Bonnie Bryg, Jane Colthorpe, Charlotte Corbett, and many others. The six Pythons wrote the script. Original music is by John Du Prez. Non-original music is by Johann Sebatian Bach. Terry Gilliam directed the "Crimson Permanent Assurance" segment. Terry Jones directed.

Guests at a dinner party in the countryside are visited by the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper: "Englishmen, you're all so f**king pompous. None of you have got any balls. Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say "Let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say." Well, you're dead now, so shut up."

At the end of the movie there is a surreal musical sequence about "Christmas in Heaven". Michael Palin in drag reveals the meaning of life: "Well, it's nothing very special. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which it seems is the only way these days to get the jaded, video-sated public off their f**king arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats. Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here's the theme music. Goodnight."

The Man in Pink (Eric Idle) sings the "Galaxy Song":
"The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whiz
As fast as it can go
The speed of light you know
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
So remember when your feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there is intelligent life somewhere up in space
Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."