TOPPER (1937) * * *

George Kerby (Cary Grant) and his wife Marion (Constance Bennett) are swinging, sophisticated wealthy socialites. Driving recklessly, they have a fatal car accident and become ghosts. In order to enter heaven they must do a good deed, and they decide to "liberate" stuffy banker Cosmo P. Topper (Roland Young) and teach him to enjoy life.

Marion: "Oh, George, I can see right through you."
George: "Say, that's funny. I can see through you, too."
Marion: (seeing her body lying next to George's beside the car, which has just crashed) "George, look. You know something George? I think we're dead."
George: "I think you're right. Funny, I don't feel any different."

The ghosts are only visible to Topper, and when he starts to live it up, it strains his relationship with henpecking Mrs. Clara Topper (Billie Burke). Topper is thrust into one madcap adventure after another, leading to his arrest and a temporary scandal. In court he is discovered to have women's lingerie hidden under his jacket.

Strange as it seems, TOPPER condones risque and anti-social behavior, including drunkenness, extra-marital affairs, and pinching wives' bottoms. In one funny scene Topper is followed around a hotel lobby by a chair pushed by the invisible George Kerby. With perfect deadpan timing Cosmo apologizes to the other guests, "I'm having a little chair trouble. Please don't pay any attention."

Marion: "Let's go have some dinner."
Cosmo: "Oh no, we cannot eat on an empty stomach."
Marion: "Then we better have a few drinks first."
Cosmo: "My wife objects to drinking."
George: "Then she shouldn't drink."
Cosmo: "She doesn't."
George: "What's her objection?"

The cast also includes: Alan Mowbray (Wilkins), Eugenene Pallette (Casey), Hedda Hopper (Mrs. Grace Stuyvesant), Virginia Sale (Miss Johnson), Hoagy Carmichael (piano player), Betty Blythe (Mrs. Goodrich), Ward Bond (Eddie), and many others. Norman Z. McLeod directed. Jack Jevne, Eric Hatch and Eddie Moran wrote the screenplay. Music is by Marvin Hatley.

This classic screwball comedy is an adaptation of Thorne Smith's 1926 novel. It's a delightful fantasy with good trick photography and special effects. In 1985 TOPPER was the very first black and white movie to be "colorized". Don't get me started.

TOPPER TAKES A TRIP (1939) is the first sequel, and it's just as good. Mrs. Parkhurst (Verree Teasdale) convinces Mrs. Topper to divorce Cosmo. Cary Grant appears in a flashback, but is absent from the film because he had entered heaven or had become too expensive. Marion returns to help Cosmo and brings a ghost dog, Mr. Atlas (as Skippy) played by "Asta". Bennett, Young, and Burke reprise their roles. Cosmo and Clara Topper end up on the French Riviera and the ghost of Marion Kerby prevents Mrs. Topper from being victimized by an aristocratic con man. Special effects are very good and Norman Z. McLeod directed again.

TOPPER RETURNS (1941), the second sequel was directed by Roy Del Ruth and is less a screwball comedy and more a spoof of films such as THE OLD DARK HOUSE (1932). Cosmo Topper (Roland Young) helps the ghost of Gail Richards (Joan Blondell) solve her own accidental murder. She was staying with her wealthy friend Ann Carrington (Carole Landis), the intended victim. Clara (Billie Burke) is suspicious. She says, "Trying to make these policemen understand something is harder than doing it yourself." This film is just as good as its predecessors. It's a supernatural murder mystery comedy, with a haunted mansion, stupid cops, and Eddie "Rochester" Anderson as Cosmo's chauffeur.

TOPPER (1953-1955) is a very good and justly famous CBS TV series starring Leo G. Carroll as Topper, Anne Jeffreys as Marion Kerby, and Robert Sterling as George Kerby. Lee Patrick plays Henrietta Topper. There are 30 episodes and the laugh track is sometimes annoying.

TOPPER (1979) is a dreadful TV movie remake starring Jack Warden as Topper, with Kate Jackson and Andrew Stevens as the ghosts. Turkey time!

ROAD TO BALI (1952) * * *

ROAD TO BALI is the sixth Bob Hope/Bing Crosby "road" musical comedy. It is the only one in colour and is the last they made for Paramount Pictures. Hal Walker directed it, and he also directed ROAD TO UTOPIA (1945).

George Cochran (Bing Crosby) and Harold Gridley (Bob Hope) are vaudeville song and dance performers working in Melbourne, Australia. Forced to leave to avoid a dual shotgun marriage, they sign on as undersea divers for Prince Ken Arok (Murvyn Vye).

They sail to a South Seas island and meet his cousin Princess Lalah (Dorothy Lamour), who looks better in black and white. Lalah's Scottish father lost a treasure chest of jewels when his ship sank. Harold recovers the treasure after an encounter with the squid from REAP THE WIND (1942).

Ken Arok tries to usurp Lalah's throne, and the trio escape with the treasure and head for Bali to sell it. Their boat sinks and they crawl ashore an island. They contend with jungle dangers such as cannibalistic natives, a slapstick gorilla, and an exploding volcano from ALOMA OF THE SOUTH SEAS (1941), which stars Dorothy Lamour. Princess Lalah is attracted to George, but also likes Harold because he reminds her of a pet chimpanzee.

Lalah: "Look!"
George: "The African Queen! Humphrey Bogart?"
Harold: "Boy, is he lost!"
George: "Hey! Hey, Bogie!"
(All three run toward Humphrey Bogart)
Harold: "Hey, jungle fever! That's what we got. That was just a mirage!"
George: "Oh yeah? What about this?"
(Holding up a trophy)
George: "Humphrey Bogart's Academy Award!"
Harold: "An Oscar! Gimme that, you got one. Friends, this is a great occasion, me receiving this Academy Award. And I'd like to say a word..."

ROAD TO BALI is a song-and-dance musical comedy, and the songs are by Johnny Burke (lyrics) and Jimmy Van Heusen (music). Bing Crosby sings "To See You Is To Love You". Crosby and Bob Hope sing "Chicago Style", "Hoot Mon", and "The Merry-Go-Run-Around" (also with Dorothy). The two crooners also dance. Dorothy Lamour sings "Moonflowers". There is also the instrumental "Chorale for Brass, Piano, and Bongo" by Stan Kenton and Pete Rugolo. Most of the music score is string oriented with orchestral arrangements by Van Cleave. The soundtrack is mono.

Crosby's version of "To See You Is to Love You" is in Alfred Hitchcock's REAR WINDOW (1954) without credits to Crosby or the songwriters. On a boat, when Bing Crosby is about to sing, Bob Hope turns to the camera and says, "He's gonna sing folks. Now's the time to go and get your popcorn."

Also in the cast are: Peter Coe (Gung), Ralph Moody (Bhoma Da), Leo Askin (Ramayana), Carolyn Jones (Eunice), Jan Kayne (Verna), Michael Ansara, Herman Cantor, Sue Casey, Larry Chance, Leslie Charles, Jack Claus, Jena Corbett, Harry Cording, Roy Gordon, Berernie Gozier, Richard Keene, Al Kikume, Donald Lawton, Bunny Lewbel, Judith London, Charles Mauu, Patti McKay, Allan Nixon, Betty Onge, Satini Pualoa, Kuka Tuima, and Douglas Yorke, Besmark Auelua, Patricia Dane, Devi Dja, Mary Kanae, and many others. Writing credits are Frank Butler, Hal Kanter, William Morrow and Harry Tugend. Original music is by Johnny Burke and Joseph J. Lilley. Hal Walker directed.

Cameos include: Humphrey Bogart, Jane Russel, Carolyn Jones, Bob Crosby, Jerry Lewis, and Dean Martin. The special effects are good.

ROAD TO BALI is my favorite "road" movie because it's in colour. All seven are great: SINGAPORE (1940), ZANZIBAR (1941), MOROCCO (1942), UTOPIA (1945), RIO (1947), BALI (1952), and HONG KONG (1962). ROAD TO HONG KONG, distrubuted by United Artists, is my second favorite "road" movie. I first saw it in a movie theatre, and it's reminiscent of DR. NO (1962), with espionage and space rockets. Robert Morley is an excellent villain and the cameos are great. Too bad it's not in colour. ROAD TO MOROCCO has the best music.

The camaraderie and chemistry between Bob and Bing is always terrific. Con man Bing is smarter than cowardly Bob and usually dominates and takes advantage of him. There are constant wisecracks, sight gags, inside jokes and a love triangle with Dorothy Lamour, who is the "straight man". It seems there is a homosexual sub-text in all the road movies. In this film Bob and Bing kiss, marry each other, and sleep together. What always puzzles me is Bob Hope's pro-Republican jokes. It is completely out of character for him to be a Republican and the "jokes" aren't funny. He should be apolitical, or at least a Democrat in the "road" movies.

They don't make films like this anymore. It's an innocent, harmless, entertaining and very pleasant diversion. Interestingly, ROAD TO BALI is the only road movie to lapse into the public domain, so over a dozen companies have released DVDs of the film.

LITTLE NICKY (2000) * * 2/3

Nicky (Adam Sandler) is the youngest son of Satan (Harvey Keitel). He has no evil whatsoever, whereas his half-brothers Cassius (Tommy Lister Jr.) and Adrian (Rhys Ifans) have no goodness. Strong Cassius and brainy Adrian leave Hell for New York City, thereby freezing the wall of fire that lets damned souls into the underworld. This causes Satan to begin dying. He actually wants to retire, so he sends Little Nicky to Earth to put his brothers into a flask, which will solve all his problems. Nicky has one week, and if he dies on Earth he can return to Hell and start over again, which he does several times.

On Earth Nicky is guided by Mr. Beefy, a streetwise talking bulldog that often makes wisecracks and entertains us with amusing antics. Mr. Beefy is obviously "inspired" by Frank the Pug in MEN IN BLACK (1997). Digital technology has created realistic animated lips on talking animals in movies. Some people enjoy it very much, and others think it's an over-used boring gimmick they are tired of.

Todd: "You know, this cake tastes kind of funny."
John: "Oh yeah, I dumped a fat sack of reefer into the mix. I thought I'd spice up the batch."
Mr. Beefy: "Really?"
Nicky: "What's Reefer?"
Mr. Beefy: "About five Hundred bucks an ounce."

Nicky has a roommate, Todd (Allen Covert) and falls in love with a fashion school student, Valerie Veran (Patricia Arquette). Eventually he ends up in Heaven and learns that he is half angel, which accounts for his sweetness. Scenes in Heaven are quite lovely, and the film shows that Heaven and Earth are infinitely preferable to Hell. Nicky is rather stupid, goofy, accident-prone, and has a speech impediment--not exactly an appealing character, except in comparison to his family.

Peter: "Drink up. Here's to fifty million clams."
Adrian: "To the defilement of Earth and the corruption of its people."
Peter: "Okay whatever, just drink it."
Adrian: "It's awfully hot down here. How do you manage to stay so cool?"
John: "Uh, beer lowers the body temperature. I read that in a beer magazine."
Adrian: "This liquid would probably quench my thirst, cool me off."
Peter: "Definitely."
John: "It'll give you a pretty good buzz."
Adrian: "Or maybe it will trap me inside for all of eternity."
John: "Uh, no it won't."

Loosely based on Shakespeare's "King Lear", LITTLE NICKY has great sets and wonderful special effects. The Dante's Inferno scenes in Hell are reminiscent of the opening of HELLZAPOPPIN (1941), but are much superior, visually exciting and very colourful and dark at the same time. Most of the movie takes place on Earth, which makes the terrific Heaven and Hell scenes more effective by contrast.

Outrageously funny, this fantasy is also crude, with strong language and sexual humour. Mr. Beefy is good at toilet humour. Film critics generally do not like the movie and they don't think much of Adam Sandler either. One nasty critic complains of his "total inability to act". Why do these jerks write negative reviews of good movies they personally hate? They should understand that any movie that is popular with the public has been democratically elected as a success, a good movie.

There are many gag cameos by Sandler's Saturday Night Live friends. Jon Lovitz is a peeping Tom, Kevin Nealon is the gatekeeper of Hell, and Dana Carvey is a possessed basketball referee. The list goes on. Other cameos include Quentin Tarantino, Henry Winkler, and Ozzy Osbourne--who saves the day.

The cast also includes: Rodney Dangerfield (Lucifer, Satan's father), Peter Dante (Peter), Jonathan Loughran (John), Reese Witherspoon (Angel Holly), Carl Weathers (Chubbs Peterson), Michael McKean (Police Chief), Blake Clark (Jimmy the Demon), Rob Schneider (Townie), Clint Howard (Nipples), Jackie Sandler (Angel Jenna), Leah Lail (Angel Christa), Lewis Arquette (Cardinal), George Wallace (Mayor Randolph), Christopher Carroll (Hitler), Ellen Cleghorne (Mom), Reggie McFadden (Dad), Laura Harring (Mrs. Dunleavy), Isaiah Griffin (Scottie Dunleavy), Brandon Rosenberg (Baby Zazariah), Kevin Grady (Fitzie), Salvatore Cavaliere (Sal the Demon), and many others.

The script was written by Tim Herlihy, Steven Brill and Adam Sandler, who also co-produced with eight others. Steven Brill directed. Music is by Teddy Castellucci.

Little Nicky basically just wants to be alone in his bedroom and listen to heavy metal music. Therefore the soundtrack reflects this: "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC, "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by Scorpions, "No More Tears" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Running With The Devil" by Van Halen, and 17 others.

THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS (1983) * * *

Wacky neuro-surgeon Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (Steve Martin) is the famous inventor of "cranial screw top" brain surgery. He saves the life of sultry Dolores Benedict (Kathleen Turner) after he runs her over with his car. Michael falls in love and they marry. However, Dolores is a gold-digger and will not consummate the marriage, even though she is "a cheap, vulgar slut".

The Hfuhruhurrs travel to Vienna for a for a honeymoon and medical conference, and they get a divorce. Michael meets eccentric scientist Dr. Alfred Necessiter (David Warner) who has a collection of human brains in glass jars in his lab. The brain of Anne Uumellmahaye (voiced by Sissy Spacek) communicates with Michael, they fall in love, and he starts looking for a new "home" for it.

Dr. Necessiter says, "My experiments have progressed to the point where I can transfer the contents of a human brain into a gorilla." Dr. Hfurhuhurr replies, "I couldn't f**k a gorilla."

There is an Elevator Killer on the loose in Vienna, a serial killer who apparently chooses his victims at random. He murders by injecting window cleaner into buttocks, leaving the victim's body dead but the brain alive. Eventually the identity of the Elevator Killer is revealed, which is now a movie inside joke.

Dr. Necessiter: "Dr. Huffer?"
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "It's pronounced Hfuhruhurr...The only time we doctors should accept death is when it's caused by our own incompetence."
Dr. Necessiter: "Nonsense. If the murder of twelve innocent people can help save one human life, it will have been worth it."

THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS is a sci-fi comedy, a spoof of 1950's horror and cheap science fiction films. It parodies movies such as DONOVAN'S BRAIN (1953). Dr. Hfuhruhurr takes Anne's brain in a glass jar for a romantic boat ride, and puts wax lips on it so he can kiss it.

Steve Martin is in top form with his dry delivery and wry humour. His great performance of an unlikeable character makes this one of his funniest movies. He is the zany, off-beat "wild and crazy guy" from Saturday Night Live, rather than the refined and sophisticated Steve Martin in his later films. If you liked THE JERK (1979), you'll enjoy this.

Kathleen Turner is very good and sexy, and her character is reminiscent of SERIAL MOM (1994) and especially BODY HEAT (1981). David Warner, not famous for his comedy, is surprisingly funny as a crazy doctor. His huge condo apartment has the decor and space of a large castle.

The cast also includes: Richard Brestoff (Dr. Pasteur), George Furth (Timon), Peter Hobbs (Dr. Brandon), Earl Boen (Dr. Felix Conrad), Francis X. McCarthy (Olsen), Randy Brooks (Fran), Bernard Behrens (James Gladstone), Natividad Vacio (Ramon), Don McLeod (Dr. Schlermie Beckerman), Jeffrey Combs (Dr. Jones), Haunani Minn (Nurse Breen), Merv Griffin (as himself), and many others. Music is by Joel Goldsmith. The witty and inspired script was written by Steve Martin, George Gipe, and Carl Reiner--who also directed.

THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS is a very funny slapstick farce that moves at a frantic fast pace. It's clever and silly with many sight gags, lots of jokes, and it is surely one of the most underrated comedies of all time. The mystery is why it made only $10 million at the box office and why it is not very well known. Rated R for profanity, violence, and nudity.

AMERICAN PIMP (2000) * * 1/3

AMERICAN PIMP is a documentary from the Hughes Brothers, who also directed MENACE II SOCIETY (1993) and DEAD PRESIDENTS (1995). It's disappointing for me because I've read excellent non-fiction books about pimps and prostitutes. However, most movie reviewers seem to like it.

Albert and Allen Hughes expose real life pimps by focusing on 30 black men who explain their experiences of living off the avails of the world's oldest profession. Coast to coast, they are quite similar and reveal themselves as misogynous capitalists. Pimping is often a family tradition, handed down from father to son, with rarely a retirement from the business.

The pimps are flamboyant, larger-than-life, cocky, confident, and charismatic. "Mack Daddies" have names such as: Filmore Slim, C-Note, Gorgeous Dre, Charm, Rosebud, K-Red, and Bishop Don Magic Juan. They speak the same words, constantly using "bitch" to describe their "ho's", and constantly say, "You know what I'm saying?", "Motherf***er", and "S**t". The pimps' attitude is,"A ho's a ho, you know? It's a once-a-month bleedin', pussy havin' ho. That's what she is. What else could she be?" Rosebud's strategy is to "steal a bitch's mind".

Some Quotes:
Kenny Red: "I'm a junky. S**t, I need money like a junky need heroin."
C-Note: "Priests need nuns, Doctors need nurses. So ho's need pimps."
Charm: "If a ho don't have instruction she's gonna be headed for self-destruction."
Rosebud: "If you're going to ban pimping because of violence, you're going to have to ban marriage, because more husbands have put their wives in graves than pimps have hos. There are bad pimps, but the majority aren't. I'm not a bad person just because I manipulate women. Dogs and children get manipulated all the time."

A few of the women are interviewed. They hustle hard every night, turn over all their earnings to the pimps, and steal anything they can from clients. We also meet a woman legally employed at a Nevada brothel, and her white legal pimp wants all prostitution legalized.

The Hughes Brothers use clips from "blacksploitation" pimp films such as THE MACK (1973) and WILLIE DYNAMITE (1974) to compare fantasy with reality. Their bleak view of the pimp subculture lacks objectivity and tends to glorify the parasitic and manipulative exploitation of women. It's entertaining at times, but frustrating and monotonous because of the little information provided.

The cast includes: John S. Dickson (Rosebudd), Antonio Fargas (Link Brown), Heidi Fleiss (herself), Hugh M. Hefner (himself), Dennis Hof (Himself), Bishop Don Magic Juan (himself), Rudy Ray Moore (Dolemite), Conan O'Brien (himself), Roscoe Orman (Willie Dynamite), Kenny Redd (K-Red), Todd Anthony Shaw (Too $hort), Clarence Sims (Fillmore Slim), Carol Speed (Lulu), Andre Taylor (Gorgeous Dre), Mel Taylor (himself), and others.

We never learn why prostitutes have pimps. Why are the strange, unattractive pimps appealing to the women? One says, "Well, hos just can't handle their money by themselves. I need to do it for them." Are pimps very well endowed? Not many answers from this film. I know because I've read about it in reputable books. You should do the same, and avoid this mostly depressing movie. However, it does show pimps in ways that cannot be found in books.

THE FAT SPY (1965) * *

THE FAT SPY is not a James Bond 007 parody, but a strange beach party teen exploitation flick with mediocre music. It's different from the AIP productions in that the adults are the primary characters and the teens are secondary. The film begins suddenly with two teenagers on a pier singing an acoustic rock song, "People Sure Act Funny When They Get A Little Money". Their performance is filmed and recorded live and goes on for too long. One of the turtlenecked longhaired teens plays guitar and the other plays harmonica. It abruptly ends and a cartoon-style opening credits starts with the bouncy title tune.

Off the coast of Florida is an island reputed to have the Fountain of Eternal Youth. A boatload of teenagers go there for a scavenger hunt. The island is owned by wealthy tycoon George Wellington (Brian Donlevy) who runs "The House of Wellington" cosmetics company. He disapproves of the young intruders and sends his daughter Junior Wellington (Jayne Mansfield) and her nerdy scientist lover Irving Gonjular (Jack E. Leonard) to stop them. He tells her, "Whoever those teenagers are, I want them driven back to the sea."

Irving's twin brother Herman, also played by Leonard, and his girlfriend Camille Salamander (Phyllis Diller) also go to the island with their own agenda. Herman is the "Fat Spy" of the title. Camille's real name is Rapunzel Fingernail. Herman lovingly admires Camille: "Ah, but your eyes, they're so beautiful. Where did you get those eyes?" Camille replies, "They came with the head." Camille beats her masochistic Sikh servant Punjab (Lou Nelson) with a riding crop.

When Junior discovers Camille and Herman's plan to steal the Fountain of Youth, she is tied to a huge machine in the basement. Camille says, "She knows too much, Herman. She must be destroyed...Get a bomb. A big bomb!" Herman replies, "When I turn this knob, her fate will be sealed and our secret wil be safe forever." Camille shoots back, "That knob? That's the air conditioning." There are subplots involving spies as well as the Fountain of Youth and the teenagers. Nanette (Lauree Berger) and Frankie (Jordan Christopher) are the equivalent of Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon and the young couple have a secret that is not revealed until the film's end.

Dodo Bronk (Johnny Tillotson) floats alone in a small inflatable boat, sings a song about loneliness, then meets blonde mermaid Naiomi (Toni Lee Shelly). "Lift up your tail" he says as he helps her into the boat. Later he is alone on the beach, sings a song, then hears the mermaid imploring him to join her. Dodo wades into the ocean, his fate unknown.

Herman sneaks Camille into the Wellington corporate headquarters to use the computer to find the location of the Fountain of Youth. The computer discloses that it is a twin-headed black rose. Herman and Camille eat a rose and turn into kids in diapers. Then the twist ending is revealed, involving the last rose and Frankie and Nanette. Irving looks into the camera and exclaims, "Boy, this is some picture."

The cast also includes: The Wild Ones (themselves), Penny Roman, Adam Keefe, Richard Green, Chuck Alden, Tommy Graves, Linda Harrison, Jeanette Taylor, Tommy Trick, Tracy Vance, Deborah White, and Eddie Wright. Music is by Chuck Alden, Jordan Christopher, Joel Hirschhorn, Hank Hunter, and Al Kasha. Mathew Andrews wrote the script and Joseph Cates directed.

File this movie under "So Bad It's Good". Turkey time! It is featured in the documentary THE 50 WORST MOVIES EVER MADE (2004). Barely released to theatres in 1966, it was rarely watched until the 1990's when it lapsed into the public domain and became readily and cheaply available. It will be enjoyed by lovers of camp and low budget B films. Others should avoid it, although it compares well with Beach Blanket type exploitation movies.

Jayne Mansfield's singing is not very good (but better than Diller's and Leonard's) when she sings, "I'd Like to be a Rose in Your Garden". Jordan Christopher backed by the Wild Ones is a decent singer. He sings, "Wild Way of Living", "People Sure Act Funny", and "Everyone Do the Turtle" (said to be the "slowest dance you'll ever do"). Stock film footage and vacuous lines such as "Gee, can I sing my song now?" fill the film and there are also dancing scenes with teenagers as well as Diller and Leonard. Comedienne Phyllis Diller is good. Jack E. Leonard is less so, unappealing, and tries too hard. Jayne Mansfield gives a good breathy dumb blonde performance.

FAT SPY was filmed in Cape Coral, Florida in June and July, 1965 on a lake that substituted for an ocean beach. The movie ends with promises of three sequels that were never made. Jayne Mansfield, a year before her death, was over five months pregnant with her fifth child (son Antonio Raphael Ottaviano aka Tony Cimber). Her pregnancy certainly changes her famous curvaceous figure. Mansfield is very beautiful with a gorgeous body, but her waist is not thin and it's distracting. She doesn't look pregnant or over-weight, but you can't help wondering why the pink goddess doesn't go on a diet or go to the gym.

THE GIRL CAN'T HELP IT (1956) * * *

Retired slot machine mobster Marty 'Fats' Murdock (Edmond O'Brien) wants his dumb-blonde girlfriend Georgianna "Jerri" Jordan (Jayne Mansfield) to be a singing star, despite her apparent lack of talent. He hires theatrical agent Tom Miller (Tom Ewell) to promote her career and make her a star in six weeks.

Miller: "Six weeks? Rome wasn't built in a day."
Murdock: "She ain't Rome. What we're talking about is already built."

Miller reluctanly agrees to groom Jerri, then takes her to many night clubs and recording studios so the gorgeous beauty can be seen by those who control show biz. Jerri says only what Miller told her to tell everybody: "Ask my agent." Offers of contracts pour in. However, Murdock becomes dangerously jealous when Miller and Jerri seem to develop a romantic relationship. Murdock tells Miller, "Okay, so Jerri can't sing. Well, that guy ain't got a trained voice either, and he's one of the top paid record stars in the country. Why? Because he has a new sound."

In the end, Jerri proves she does have talent. Furthermore, she confesses that home and motherhood are her real interests, and she has fallen in love with Miller. They marry, have children, and there is a happy ending for all.

Tom Ewell is very good, but basically just reprises his role in THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH (1955) opposite Marilyn Monroe. Jayne Mansfield, in her first starring role, has an easy job with simple lines. Mostly she stands or moves around looking beautiful. Edmond O'Brien is loud, overbearing, witty, and gives a good tongue-in-cheek comic performance.

The real reason to watch the movie is to enjoy the performances by the golden greats of Rock'n'Roll. Little Richard sings the title song as well as "She's Got It" and "Ready Teddy" in a night club. Fats Domino sings "Blue Monday" at the piano in concert. The Platters perform "You'll Never, Never Know". Eddie Cochran sings "Twenty Flight Rock" on TV. Gene Vincent & the Blue Caps record "Be-Bop-A-Lula" in a rehearsal studio.

Lesser known artists also appear. The Treniers sing "Rocking Is Our Business". Eddie Fontaine does "Cool It Baby". Teddy Randazzo and the Three Chuckles sing "Cinnamon Sinner". Nino Tempo performs "Tempo's Theme". Johnny Olenn sings "I Ain't Gonnna Cry No More". Bobby Troup sings "You Got It Made". Abbey Lincoln does "Spread The Word". Ray Anthony & his Orchestra perform "Big Band Boogie" and "Rock Around The Rockpile".

Also, Julie London is featured in the film as a haunting spirit "dream girl" in Miller's apartment, and sings her top ten hit of 1956, "Cry Me A River". Betty Grable in archival footage sings "I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate" from WABASH AVENUE (1950). Jayne Mansfield lip-synchs to "Every Time You Kiss Me".

THE GIRL CAN'T HELP IT is a garish pop scene spoof with a plot borrowed from BORN YESTERDAY (1950) starring Judy Holliday. There are some good sight gags, many poking fun at Jayne Mansfield's famous curvaceous figure. For example, she holds two bottles of milk against her ample breasts, which causes bottles of milk to burst in a milk delivery truck. Miller tells a paperboy, "She's just a girl, Barry. Just a girl." Barry fires back, "If she's a girl, then I don't know what my sister is."

Others in the cast include: John Emery (Wheeler), Henry Jones (Mousie), Barry Gordon (paperboy), Juanita Moore (Hilda), Sue Carlton (teenager), Fred Catania (bodyguard), Les Clark (recording engineer), Richard Collier (milkman), Alex Frazer (Rogers), Milton Frome (Nick), George Givot (secretary), Johnny Grant (M.C.), Bill Jones (bartender), Henry Kulky (iceman), Frank J. Scannell (Samuels), and many others. Frank Tashlin directed and wrote the screenplay with Herbert Baker, which is based on the 1955 novel "Do Re Mi" by Garson Kanin.

Director Frank Tashlin's slam-bang style (he started as a cartoonist) is very appropriate for a comedy Rock and Pop musical. This farce is a subtle satire on the entertainment industry. Music is the movie's main attraction and fortunately the sound is 4-track stereo. Unfortunately, like many films, every musical act is interrupted by dialogue.

THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH (1976) * * *

Thomas Jerome Newton (David Bowie) is a humanoid alien from a drought-stricken planet. He is on Earth to find a way to send water back home. Using the advanced technology from his civilization, Thomas becomes a very successful inventor and businessman, head of the conglomerate "World Enterprises".

While visiting New Mexico, he meets Mary-Lou (Candy Clark), an attractive lonely elevator operator at his hotel. They have a love affair and she teaches him about Earth customs such as fashion, alcohol and sex. Thomas becomes alcoholic and obsessed with TV. His friend Nathan Bryce (Rip Torn) and Mary-Lou discover that he is an alien.

Waiter: "I think perhaps Mr. Newton has had enough, don't you?"
Bryce: "I think... perhaps... you're right."

Mary-Lou: "What are they like, your children?"
Thomas: "They're like children. Exactly like children."

Thomas tries to travel in a spaceship but is captured by the government because Bryce has betrayed him. Many of his business partners are killed and Thomas is examined and tested like a lab animal. He says, "We'd have probably done the same to you, if you'd come 'round our place." Eventually Mary-Lou visits him and leaves his prison unlocked so he can escape.

Because he has failed to save his dying planet, Thomas is lonely, bitter, and very sad. He records a good-bye message for his planet. Mary-Lou and Bryce are old at this time, but Thomas is still young. He is basically an alcoholic cripple, almost human, with no interest in his planet anymore. His fatal mistake was not to understand the capitalistic greed and corruption on Earth.

THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH is a loose adaptation of Walter Tevis' 1963 novel. The movie is quite different from the book in many regards. Thomas's planet is called Anthea, Mary-Lou is Betty Jo and Kentucky is the setting rather than New Mexico. And unlike the book, there are no dates, calendars, or clocks mentioned in the film.

This movie is an entertaining but weird intellectual sci-fi thriller. The obscure scanty narrative makes it mysterious, ambiguous, and enigmatic. It's imaginative, original, memorable, depressing, and somewhat pretentious in the metaphysical department. The acting is quite good and the movie looks surreal and bizarre. No wonder it's a cult classic.

Others in the cast include: Buck Henry (Oliver Farnsworth), Bernie Casey (Peters), Jackson D. Kane (Professor Canutti), Rick Riccardo (Trevor), Linda Hutton (Elaine), Hilary Holland (Jill), Adrienne Larussa (Helen), and many others. Paul Mayersberg wrote the script. Original music is by John Phillips and Stomu Yamashita. Non-original music is by Gustav Holst and Marlin Skiles. Nicolas Roeg directed. This is David Bowie's second film and his first lead role.

The film was later loosely remade as a pilot for a TV series, "The Man Who Fell to Earth" in 1987.

THIS ISLAND EARTH (1955) * * 2/3

Dr. Cal Meacham (Rex Reason), Dr. Ruth Adams (Faith Domergue), and Dr. Steve Carlson (Russel Johnson) are among the scientists chosen to participate in a nuclear research experiment in a remote laboratory facility. Dr. Meacham is an atomic energy specialist who assembled an "interociter" which allowed him to communicate with Exeter (Jeff Morrow), and be invited to advance atomic power to solve the energy crisis.

The research team becomes suspicious of Exeter because of his ignorance of Earth customs and they try to escape. Dr. Carlson is killed and Cal and Ruth fly away but their plane is abducted by a flying saucer. When they reach outer space, the thoughtful Exeter admits he is an alien from planet Metaluna, at war with the evil Zagons. The Metalunans are forced underground because they are bombarded by asteroids from the Zagons.

Exeter explains, "They're concencentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light--they're meteors--hundreds of them! Intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. Temperature must be thousands of degrees by now. A lifeless planet. And yet...yet still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes, a sun. Warming the surface of some other world. Giving light to those who may need it. Now, into the converter tubes! Ruth, you take the first tube. You the next."

When they reach Metaluna, the planet is in ruins and The Monitor (Douglas Spencer) reveals that the Metalunans plan to relocate to Earth. He says, "It is indeed typical that you Earth people refuse to believe in the superiority of any world but your own. Children looking into a magnifying glass, imagining the image you see is the image of your own size." The Monitor orders Cal and Ruth into the Thought Transference Chamber to destroy their free will.

Exeter considers the planned invasion to be immoral and decides to help the Earthlings escape. They are attacked by a huge "Mute-Ant" bug-like monster, which Cal overpowers after it wounds Exeter. They journey back to Earth. Exeter allows Cal and Ruth to fly away in their plane, but he and his saucer crash into the sea.

The cast also includes: Lance Fuller (Brack), Robert Nichols (Joe Wilson), Karl Ludwig Lindt (Dr. Adolph Engelborg), Spencer Chan (Dr. Hu Ling Tang), Regis Parton (Mutant), Lizalotta Valesca (Dr. Marie Pitchener), Robert Williams (Webb), Orangey (Neutron), Charlotte Lander, Jack Byron, Richard Deacon, Coleman Francis, Marc Hamilton, Edwad Hearn, Edward Ingram, Onal Soule, and Les Spears. Music is by Henry Mancini, Hans J. Salter, and Herman Stein. The screenplay is by Franklin Coen. Bud Westmore did the makeup. Joseph M. Newman initially directed but was replaced with uncredited Jack Arnold.

THIS ISLAND EARTH is a classic sci-fi space opera based on Raymond F. Murrow's 1938 story, "The Alien Machine". It has futuristic designs, very good makeup, and excellent visual effects for its era, which took 2 1/2 years to make by Clifford Stine and Stanley Horsley. The drama is good, acting is second-rate, and the plot is sometimes stilted, plodding and overcomplicated. Film critic David Kehr wrote it "remains among the most poetic and dreamlike of 50's fantasies." This exciting intergalactic adventure is spoofed in MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000: THE MOVIE (1996).

GALAXY QUEST (1999) * * *

In the movie, "Galaxy Quest" was a popular sci-fi TV series from 1978-1982 about the crew of the spaceship NSEA Protector. The show is similar to STAR TREK. Captain and Commander Peter Quincy Taggart is played by Jason Nesmith (Tim Allen). He is vain, egotistical, and the idolatry of his fans has gone to his head.

Dr. Lazurus of Tev'Mek is played by Sir Alexander Dane (Alan Rickman). In the show he is an alien with a vast intellect and psionic abilities, obviously a parody of Spock. As a classically trained actor, he is cynical and resents being typecast in a role he considers beneath him. Ironically, in the movie Rickman is never seen without his Dr. Lazarus prosthetic makeup.

Lieutenant Tawny Madison is played by Gwen DiMarco (Sigourney Weaver). She is the Computer Officer of the Protector and also resents her "stupid job" of simply repeating the computer's announcements and adding sex appeal to the show. Sigourney Weaver as a blonde is unrecognizable from her "Ripley" roles in the ALIEN film series.

Others in the crew include Tech Sergeant Chen played by Fred Kwan (Tony Shalhoub), in charge of the engine room and "digital conveyor". Lieutenant Laredo played by Tommy Webber (Daryl Mitchell), is a Wesley Crusher clone. Crewman Number 6 played by Guy Fleegman (Sam Rockwell), is an "extra".

Eighteen years after "Galaxy Quest" is cancelled, the washed-up cast are reduced to making personal appearances at fan conventions and store openings to make a living. Only Jason enjoys the fanatical adulation, and at one convention he is approached by genuine aliens. They are Thermians, a peaceful and naive race who have watched "Galaxy Quest" shows and misinterpretted them as "historical documents".

The cast of the TV show are whisked aboard the Thermians' spaceship by Commander Mathesar (Enrico Colantoni) to help save them from an intergallactic war with General Sarris (Robin Sachs), a ruthless reptilian warlord. Sarris wants the Omega 13, a device located in the Protector. But since the Omega 13 was only used in the cliff-hanger final episode, nobody knows what it is or what it does.

(a rock monster chases Nesmith)
Alexander Dane: "You're just going to have to kill it."
Jason Nesmith: "Kill it? Well, I'm open to any suggestions."
Tommy Webber: "Go for the eyes, like in episode 22."
Jason Nesmith: "He doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!"
Tommy Webber: "Go for the mouth, then, the throat, his vulnerable spots!"
Jason Nesmith: "It's a rock! It doesn't have any vulnerable spots."
Guy Fleegman: "I know! You construct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?"

There is a complicated series of events which culminates in the Thermians learning the meaning of "fiction" and the TV cast defeating Sarris. Then the spaceship crash lands on Earth, right onto the stage of a "Galaxy Quest" convention. As the TV cast steps onto the stage to an enthusiastic welcome by adoring fans, Sarris appears and is disintegrated by Jason. The ending is triumphant, with the crew of the Protector starring in an updated version of "Galaxy Quest".

GALAXY QUEST is an entertaining and clever comedy featuring playful acting. It is heart-warming and sweet, funny on its own, but much of the humour relies on the viewer's knowledge of STAR TREK. It's original and interesting, not to be taken seriously, with romance, slapstick, and excitement. The special effects are great, as is the production design. It puts other sci-fi parodies such as SPACEBALLS (1987) to shame. Overall, the film is an excellent tribute to the genre and it is tragic that there is not a "Galaxy Quest" TV show for us to watch.

Others in the cast include: Patrick Breen (Quellek), Missi Pyle (Laliari), Jed Rees (Teb), Justin Long (Brandon), Jeremy Howard (Kyle), Kaitlin Callum (Kaelyn), Jonathan Feyer (Hollister), Corbin Bleu (Young Tommy), Wayne Pere (Lathe), Sam Lloyd (Neru), Rainn Wilson (Lahnk), and many others. David Howard wrote the story and co-wrote the screenplay with Robert Gordon. Music was composed by David Newman. Dean Parisot directed. Production budget was $45 million and the film grossed over $90,000,000.

FIRST SPACESHIP ON VENUS (1960) * * 1/3

Evidence of an alien spaceship is found in a meteorite excavated in the Gobi Desert which came from the 1908 explosion in Tunguska, Siberia. Cryptographers and linguists determine that a glassy "memory spool" is from the planet Venus.

In 1985 eight international scientists from the World Space Agency go to Venus on an expedition in the silver spaceship Cosmostrator 1, which resembles a candelabra. The crew includes a Japanese physician, African cosmonaut, a Hindu linguist, a Chinese mathematician, an American captain, a German scientist, and a French scientist. Omega is the chess champion robot and is quite amusing. George Lucas obviously ripped off this dome-headed robot for R2-D2 in STAR WARS (1977).

During their trip the on-board linguist announces that the magnetic spool contains plans for an invasion of Earth. There is a meteor shower and cosmic interference prevents radio contact with Earth. Cosmostrator lands on Venus and the crew discover a strange purple landscape, foggy with swirling pink and blue clouds. Civilization has been destroyed by nuclear war, although buzzing power plants and machinery are still operating. There is a large sphere, geodesic architecture, crystal bubbles, swarms of metal bugs, and they are attacked by blob creatures.

They also find a gravity weapon aimed at Earth and it seems the Venusians were intent on destroying Earth, but accidentally destroyed themselves. Dr. Tchen Yu's (Tang Hua-Ta) spacesuit is punctured and Kurt Brinkmann (Gunther Simon) and Talua (Julius Ongew) rush to his aid, but all three are lost when the ship is sent back to Earth by an accidental discharge of the gravity beam.

When the Cosmostrator returns to Earth, each survivor gives a brief statement to the press. Dr. Sumio Omigura (Yoko Tani) says, "We have learned much but we have sacrificed a lot. Too much." The last lines spoken are, "We still have a great task before us. We must use our other planets to fly further and further. It is mankind's destiny."

The cast also includes: Oldrich Lukes (Professor Harringway), Ignacy Machowski (Professor Orloff), Michail N. Postnikow (Professor Durand), Kurt Rackelmann (Professor Sikarna), Lucyna Winnicka (Joan Moran), Ruth-Maria Kubitschek (Mrs. Brinkman), Eduard von Winterstein (Weiland), Fritz Decho, Eva Maria Hagen, Gertaud Kreissig, and others. Writing credits are Stanislaw Lem, Wofgang Kohlhaase, Gunter Reisch, Kurt Maetzig, J. Barkhauer, Jan Fethke, Gunther Rucker, and Alexander Stenbock-Fermor. Music in the original film is by Andrzej Markowski. The US version was scored by Gordon Zahler, and the same futuristic music is used in other films. Kurt Maetzig directed.

FIRST SPACESHIP ON VENUS is a German and Polish production. It is an adaptation of Stanislaw Lem's 1951 novel "The Astronauts". Lem is a great Polish sci-fi writer who also wrote "Solaris" and "Test Pilot Perx", and he repudiated this film. The production is good but stilted, and it tends to be somewhat boring with a few unintentional laughs. It's intelligent, serious, and dignified, not much fun and the pacing is slow. Most characters are two dimensional, with the notable exception of Yoko Tani, who has difficulty dealing with her husband's death. Chemistry between the crew members is relatively poor and acting tends to be wooden with stiff dialogue, probably because of the scientific nature of the astronauts and the dubbing. Perhaps it was not intended to be entirely entertainment.

Expressionistic visual effects are quite nice, especially the surreal Venusian landscape. The miniature sets are impressive, as good as LOGAN'S RUN (1976). Sometimes the film looks a bit cheesy and it always looks quite different from similar Hollywood movies, although it has beautiful cinematography. It's refreshing to watch films without a Hollywood aesthetic. The interior of the rocket is well done, costumes are interesting, and the chess-playing robot is cute. Voices are dubbed into English fairly well but there is too much puzzling scientific jargon about advanced astrophysics. However, best of all, it has an optimistic worldview, with Earth at peace and all people equal.

This co-production has the German title "Der Schweigende Sterne" ("The Silent Star"), and the Polish title "Milczaca Giazda". It is also known as: "Planet Of The Dead", "Spaceship Venus Does Not Reply", "Molczaci Krzydla", and "Raumschiff Venus Antwortet Nicht". The original runtime is 130 minutes, which was edited to 78 minutes by its American distributor, resulting in an incoherent plot. It was not released in the US until 1962. This film is now in the public domain.

MARS ATTACKS! (1996) * * *

US President James Dale (Jack Nicholson) and his Press Secretary Jerry Ross (Martin Short) discover there is an army of Martian flying saucers hovering around Earth. Professor Donald Kessler (Pierce Brosnan) believes the aliens are peaceful, although General Decker (Rod Steiger) warns they may be a threat. A welcome committee is prepared for the aliens, but suddenly the Martians attack with their powerful weapons to destroy the entire US Congress.

(watching an alien on TV)
First Lady: I'm not allowing that thing in my house.
President: Sweetie, we may have to. The people expect me to meet with them.
First Lady: Well they're not going to eat off the Van Buren china.
(later)
President: What do you think, Marcia?
First Lady: Kick the crap out of 'em.

Art Land (Jack Nicholson again), a cowboy Las Vegas real-estate developer wants to cash in on the invasion, but the Martians soon attack Vegas. His wife Barbara Land (Annette Bening), TV hostess Nathalie Lake (Sara Jessica Parker), and Kansas teenager Richie Norris (Lukas Haas) are excited by the invaders. First Lady Marsha Dale (Glenn Close) and daughter Taffy (Natalie Portland) don't really care.

Martian Translator Device: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
General Decker: What the hell does that mean?

The Martians want to destroy Earth just for the fun of it. They enjoy killing people and they pose for photos in front of buildings before blowing them up. The green bubble-headed aliens chase people and kill them while their electronic translator says, "Don't run, we are your friends". All they say is, "Ack-ack!". They like Tom Jones so much they join his back up singers. The song "It's Not Unusual" is prominently featured. Fortunately they are ultimately destroyed by Slim Whitman's "Indian Love Call" song, with it's incomparable falsetto.

MARS ATTACKS! is an epic spoof of 1950's alien invasion movies with a retro attitude. It's loosely based on a "Topp's" 1960's bubble gum trading card series. The excellent special effects are over-the-top, unpolished, and sometimes deliberately cheesy--perfect for the movie. There's not much of a plot, just an immensely entertaining roller-coaster ride with many sight gags of Hollywood stars being tortured or killed by giggling invaders.

The cast also includes: Danny DeVito (gambler), Michael J. Fox (Jason Stone), Tom Jones (himself), Jim Brown (Byron Williams), Pam Grier (Loise Williams), Lisa Marie (Martian girl), Brian Haley (Mitch), Syvia Sidney (Florence Norris), Ray J (Cedric Williams), Paul Winfield (General Casey), Brandon Hammond (Neville Williams), Jerzy Skolimowski (Dr. Zeigler), Janice Rivera (Cindy), O-Lan Jones (Sue Ann Norris), Christina Applegate (Sharona), Barbet Schroeder (Maurice), Chi Hoang Cai (Mr. Lee), Vinny Argiro (Mr. Brian), and many others, including a cameo by Godzilla.

The trading card series was written by Len Brown, Woody Gelman, Wally Wood, Bob Powell, and Norman Saunders. The screen story and script are by Jonathan Gems. Music is by prolific Danny Elfman and is suitably creepy. Tim Burton produced and directed.

Unfortunately, MARS ATTACKS! was a disappointment at the box office, possibly because Tim Burton is not very popular for some inexplicable reason. With a budget of $80 million it grossed over $100 million. INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996) is essentially the same story and was released the same year. It was a box-office smash hit, even though it's mostly a boring soap opera with a few scenes of alien space craft and some good visual effects. MARS ATTACKS! is a better movie.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968) * * * 1/2

In 2001 director Stanley Kubrick depicts several of mankind's encounters with never-seen aliens. The first act, entitled "The Dawn of Man" shows primitive man-apes discovering the first tool, a bone which also becomes the first weapon. When the bone is thrown up in the air it is transformed into a similar shaped satellite orbiting Earth, thus the movie abruptly fast forwards to the second act concerning space travel. However, be aware that the space object is also a weapon.

A lunar landing craft heads for Moon base Clavius, then a moonbus takes scientists to an excavation where an alien object, the monolithic TMA-1, was buried four million years earlier. When the monolith is touched, it emits a high-pitched squeal through radio receivers.

Act 3 starts with the title card, "Jupiter Mission: Eighteen Months Later". Astronauts Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) and Frank Poole (Gary Lockwood) are aboard the spaceship Discovery 1 with three scientists suspended in cryogenic hibernation. Various scenes are shown of the crew's boring life in space. The HAL 9000 computer is introduced and interviewed by the BBC.

HAL detects a faulty "AE-35 unit" which would disrupt the ship's communication system. Intermission time, after which Frank goes outside Discovery 1 for repairs, but is murdered by HAL, which also kills the three hibernating scientists. When Dave exits the ship, HAL refuses to allow him back in, although he eventually manages to gain entry and disconnect the homicidal computer.

Dave: "Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?"
HAL: "Affirmative, Dave, I read you."
Dave: "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
HAL: "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."
Dave: "What's the problem?"
HAL: "I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."
Dave: "What are you talking about, HAL?"
HAL: "This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it."
Dave: "I don't know what you're talking about, HAL."
HAL: "I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."
Dave: "All right, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock."
HAL: "Without your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult."
Dave: "HAL, I won't argue with you anymore. Open the doors!"
HAL: "Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye."

Dave Bowman watches a TV monitor with a pre-recorded message: "Good day, gentlemen. This is a pre-recorded briefing made prior to your departure and which for security reasons of the highest importance has been known on board during the mission only by your HAL 9000 computer. Now that you are in Jupiter's space and the entire crew is revived it can be told to you. Eighteen months ago the first evidence of intelligent life off the Earth was discovered. It was buried 40 feel below the lunar surface near the crater Tycho. Except for a single very powerful radio emission aimed at Jupiter the four million year old black monolith has remained completely inert. It's origin and purpose are still a total mystery."

The final act, entitled "Jupiter, and Beyond the Infinite" begins with a third monolith orbiting Jupiter and Discovery 1 entering the Jupiter system and soon rendezvousing with the artifact. Dave exits Discovery 1 in an EVA pod and experiences a psychedelic tunnel of light and sound, the famous "Star Gate" sequence. After passing over alien landscape, Dave arrives alone in a white room with Louis XIV furniture. He ages rapidly, then is transformed into a fetus "Star Child" floating in space.

Based on Arthur C. Clarke's short story, "The Sentinel", 2001 is a unique masterpiece, a classic sci-fi epic that elevated the genre to a very respectable level. The set design, costumes, cinematography, and special effects create a visually stunning film. 2001 won an Academy Award for Best Special Effects. Critically acclaimed, it is confusing to many because of its cryptic, obscure symbolism. It is ponderous, ambiguous, artsy, and a one-of-a-kind curiosity.

Also in the cast are: William Sylvester (Dr. Heywood R. Floyd), Daniel Richter (moon-watcher), Leonard Rossiter (Dr. Andre Smyslov), Margaret Tyzack (Elena), Robert Beatty (Dr. Ralph Halvorsen), Sean Sullivan (Dr. Bill Michaels), Bill Weston (astronaut), Ed Bishop (Aries-1B Lunar shuttle captain), Glenn Beck (astronaut), Alan Gifford (Mr. Poole), Ann Gillis (Mrs. Poole), Edwina Carroll (stewardess), Heather Downham (stewardess), Mike Lovell (Astronaut), Martin Amor (interviewer), John Clifford (TMA-1 Site technician), Kenneth Kendall (BBC-12 announcer), Vivian Kubrick (Squirt), Irena Marr (Russian scientist), Krystyna Marr (Russian scientist), John Swindells (TMA-1 site technician), Burnell Tucker (TMA-1 site photographer), and others. The apes are: John Ashley, Jimmy Bell, David Charkham, Simon Davis, Jonathan Daw, Peter Delmar, Terry Duggan, David Fleetwood, Danny Grover, Brian Hawley, David Hines, Tony Jackson, John Jordan, Scott MacKee, Laurence Marchant, Darryl Paes, Joe Refalo, Andy Wallace, Bob Wilyman, and Richard Woods (ape killed by moon-watcher). Douglas Rain is the voice of HAL 9000. The screenplay was written by Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick, who also produced and directed.

The orchestral music by Khachaturyan, Ligeti, and Richard and Johann Strauss is perfect for the movie. But 2001 is not perfect. It is pretentious and the characters are as emotionally flat as HAL. The film is too slow and over-long at 141 minutes, even though Kubrick cut 17 minutes after the premiere. Also, it's puzzling ambiguity is a major problem as well as the film's biggest asset.

2010 (1984) is the much inferior sequel to 2001. A joint American-Soviet expedition is sent to Jupiter to investigate what happened to the Discovery 1. Unfortunately, they learn about the huge black monolith, the fate of HAL, and so forth. We don't really want to know! 2010 ruins 2001 with its casual disclosures of the mysteries that were never resolved in 2001. This film should be avoided. It reminds me of a documentary on the "History of Christmas", which forever ruined Christmas for me. 2010 is based on a novel written by Arthur C. Clarke, and the cast includes Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, Helen Mirren, Bob Balaban, Keir Dullea, and many others. Peter Hyams wrote the screenplay and directed.

FORBIDDEN PLANET (1956) * * *

FORBIDDEN PLANET is the very best sci-fi film of the 1950's. In fact, its production values and intelligent scripting were not surpassed until the release of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968). The plot of FORBIDDEN PLANET is derived from Shakespeare's "The Tempest".

In 2257 A.D. the crew of the United Planets Cruiser C-57D, led by Commander John J. Adams (Leslie Nielsen), visit Altair IV. This remote planet with a green sky is in the constellation Aquila, 17 light years from Earth. The crew of C-57D are looking for survivors of the scientific Bellerophon expedition.

On Altair IV the crew meet Robby the Robot, who has a human-like personality, great intelligence and many skills. Robby takes them to Dr. Morbius (Walter Pidgeon), a reclusive philologist and his nineteen year old daughter Altaira Morbius (Anne Francis). They are the only survivors of the pioneering explorers.

Dr. Morbius wants the crew to leave Altair IV immediately because of an unseen deadly force. He gives them a tour of the underground technolology created by the Krell, the original inhabitants who disappeared 200,000 years ago. Many Krell devices are controlled by the mind and one contraption is capable of increasing intelligence.

Morbius explains: "In times long past, this planet was the home of a mighty, noble race of beings who called themselves the Krell. Ethically and technologically they were a million years ahead of humankind, for in unlocking the meaning of nature they had conquered even their baser selves, and when in the course of eons they had abolished sickness and insanity, crime and all injustice, they turned, still in high benevolence, upwards towards space. Then, having reached the heights, this all-but-divine race disappeared in a single night, and nothing was preserved above ground."

When the crew refuse to leave and take a romantic interest in beautiful Altaira, all hell breaks loose. The unseen force manifests itself and it is Dr. Morbius' id.

Altaira: (shocked) "Father, he's dead."
Morbius: "He was warned, and now he's paid. Let him be buried with the other victims of human greed and folly."
Altaira: (coldly) "Morbius. You wanted me to make a choice. Now you've chosen for me."
Morbius: "Alta?"
Altaira: (to Commander Adams) "I'm ready to go with you now, darling."
(she runs up the stairs)
Morbius: "Altaira!"

Also in the cast are: Warren Steven (Lt. "Doc" Ostrow), Richard Anderson (Quinn), Earl Holliman (James Dirocco), George Wallace (Bosun), Robert Dix (Grey), Jimmy Thompson (Youngerford), James Drury (Joe Strong), Harry Harver Jr. (Randall), Roger McGee (Lindstrom), Peter Miller (Moran), Morgan Jones (Nichols), Richard Grant (Silvers), Frankie Darro (Robby the Robot), James Best, and William Boyet. Marvin Miller is the voice of Robby the Robot and Les Treymayne provided the voice-over narration. The story from Shakespeare was written by Irving Block and Allen Adler. Cyril Hume wrote the screenplay. W. J. Stuart wrote the subsequent novel. Fred McLeod Wilcox directed.

FORBIDDEN PLANET has terrific special effects and unique "electronic tonalities" created by Bebe and Louis Barron. They worked on the soundtrack in New York, had never composed music for a movie, and were absolutely impossible to work with. Their music is termed "electronic tonalities" because the musician's union would not allow them to be credited as "composers". Their "electronic tonalities" were re-cycled in FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON (1958). Uniforms were re-used in QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE (1958). The spaceship C-57D models were later used in seven episodes of the TWILIGHT ZONE TV series. Robbie the Robot cost $125,000 to build and appears in other movies and TV shows.

SOYLENT GREEN (1973) * * *

In 2022 the greenhouse effect has raised Earth's temperature to an unbearably hot level all year round. There is green hazy smog in the air from pollution. People are forced by law to live in cities. Overpopulation has made New York a city of 40 million starving citizens, with over half unemployed. Euthanasia is encouraged to reduce the overpopulation. Natural food is rare, even for the rich elite, who live in separate luxury apartments. Strawberries cost $150 for a small serving.

People depend on the government for synthetic food called Soylent Green, Red, and Yellow. Presumably it is made of soy beans and lentils. A TV announcer says his program "is brought to you by Soylent Red and Soylent Yellow, high energy vegetable concentrates, and new delicious Soylent Green. The miracle food of high-energy plankton gathered from the oceans of the world."

Police detective Robert Thorn (Charlton Heston) investigates the murder of William R. Simonson (Joseph Cotten), an official at the Soylent Corporation. Occasionally Thorn is assisted in his investigation by Shirl (Leigh Taylor-Young), a young woman who lived in Simonson's apartment as "furniture", the movie's euphemism for concubine. Thorn tells Shirl, "You're a helluva piece of furniture." Although Thorn is a good cop, he "liberates" much real food, real paper, and Shirl from the rich man's apartment.

Books no longer exist and Sol Roth, Thorn's elderly assistant, teaches him about earlier times when things were better, because he had a formal education and is literate. Roth remembers the world before the famine struck, "When I was a kid you could buy meat anywhere! Eggs they had, real butter! Fresh lettuce in the stores." Sol Roth is played by Edward G. Robinson in his last film role. He was 80 years old and virtually deaf. Thorn cries about Roth's situation in the film. Charlton Heston's tears were real, for he was the only one who knew that Robinson was dying of cancer. He died 9 days after filming was completed.

Sol: "There was a world, once, you punk."
Thorn: "Yes, so you keep telling me."
Sol: "I was there. I can prove it."
Thorn: "I know, I know. When you were young, people were better."
Sol: "Aw, nuts. People were always rotten. But the world was beautiful."

Thorn uncovers a conspiracy in the Soylent company and the secret of the food product itself. Detective Thorn's last lines are, "It's people. Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food...You tell everybody. Listen to me, Hatcher. You've gotta tell them! Soylent Green is people! We've gotta stop them somehow!"

The cast also includes: Chuck Connors (Tab Fielding), Brock Peters (Lt. Hatcher), Paula Kelly (Martha Phillips), Stephen Young (Gilbert), Mike Henry (Sgt. Kulozik), Lincoln Kilpatrick (Father Paul), Roy Jenson (Chief Donovan), Leonard Stone (Supt. Charles), Whit Bissell (Gov. Santini), Jane Dulo (Mrs. Santini), Tim Herbert (Brady), John Dennis (Wagner), Celia Lovsky, Dick Van Patten, Morgan Farley, John Barclay, Belle Mitchell, Cyril Delevanti, Forrest Wood, Faith Quabius, Jan Bradley, Carlos Romero, Pat Houtchens, Joyce Williams, Erica Hagen, Beverly Gill, Suesie Eejima, Cheri Howell, Kathy Silva, Jennifer King, Marion Charles, Robert Ito, Iada Mae McKenzie, and Richard Sterne. Original music is by Fred Myrow. Non-original music is by Ludwig van Beethoven. Stanley R. Greenberg wrote the script derived from Harry Harrison's 1966 novella, "Make Room! Make Room!". Richard Fleischer directed.

SOYLENT GREEN is a sci-fi classic depicting a bleak dystopian future. The atmosphere is reminiscent of BLADE RUNNER (1982). It makes a good environmental message and warning. Although this allegory is interesting and believable, the shortcomings include a narrative that is less than coherent, occasional poor editing, it moves slowly at times, and looks a bit dated. But the acting is good and it has a great creepy climax with impressive end credits. Remember, "Tuesday is Soylent Green Day."