ARSENIC AND OLD LACE (1944) * * *

Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant) is a confirmed bachelor and drama critic with two wealthy aunts in Brooklyn. Martha Brewster (Jean Adair) and Abby Brewster (Josephine Hull) are kind and sweet spinsters with a solution for the loneliness of old gentlemen. They poison them with wine and bury them in their cellar--with a proper Christian burial, of course. They entrap their victims with a "Room For Rent" sign posted in front of the old Brewster family mansion. Their recipe: one gallon of homemade elderberry wine mixed with a teaspoon of arsenic, a half teaspoon of strychnine and a pinch of cyanide.

Nephew Teddy Brewster (John Alexander) is quite insane and thinks he is Theodore Roosevelt. He believes the murder victims died of yellow fever and the cellar is the Panama Canal. Teddy yells, "Charge!" and runs up the stairs blowing his bugle every time he enters the room. In his madness he imagines the stairs are San Juan Hill. The aunts have made arrangements for Teddy to be institutionalized in the Happydale Sanitarium after their passing.

Mortimer marries his fiancee Elaine Harper (Priscilla Lane), daughter of his neighbour Reverend Harper (Grant Mitchell). He wrote "Marriage: A Fraud and a Failure" and is working on "Mind Over Matrimony" so at first he tells Elaine, "Don't you understand? How can I marry you? Me! The symbol of bachelorhood. I've sneered at every love scene in every play. I've written four million words against marriage. Now I'll be hooked to a minister's daughter." They intend to honeymoon in Niagara Falls.

On Hallowe'en he visits his aunts to tell them the news, but discovers their secret when he finds a dead body in the window seat.
Mortimer: "Now look, darling, how did he die?"
Abby: "Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it."
Mortimer: "Well, how did the poison get in the wine?"
Martha: "Well, we put it in wine because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea it has a distinct odor."

Aunt Abby tells him, "Now Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman." Mortimer contacts the insane asylum to have Teddy committed to Happydale, but Mr. Witherspoon (Edward Everett Horton) explains, "We have several Theodore Roosevelts at the moment and it would lead to trouble. Now if he thought that, uh, well, Mr. Brewster, we're a bit short of Napoleons at present..."

To complicate matters, homicidal nephew Jonathan Brewster (Raymond Massey) shows up with dead bodies of his own. There are already a dozen buried in the cellar. Jonathan's partner is incompetent plastic surgeon Dr. Herman Einstein (Peter Lorre), whose operations made Jonathan look like Boris Karloff (who played the role on Broadway). The pair argue over how many people Jonathan has murdered.

Einstein: "Johnny, why did you kill that man? He was being nice to us and gave us a ride."
Jonathan: "He said I looked like Boris Karloff."
Einstein: "You got twelve, they got twelve."
(angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie)
Jonathan: "I've got thirteen!"
Einstein: "No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag."
Jonathan: "Thirteen. There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona."
Einstein: "Phoenix?"
Jonathan: "The filling station."
Einstein: "Filling station? Oh."
(gesture of slitting throat)
Einstein: "Yes.
Jonathan: "Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend."
Einstein: "You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia."
Jonathan: "He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him."
Einstein: "No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are."

Hull, Adair and Alexander repeat their roles from the Broadway production and are excellent. Grant is especially funny as the straight man reacting to an environment of lunacy, and when he falls in love with Elaine he feels the genetic madness in his family makes marriage impossible. Elaine tells him, "We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to strangle me. A taxi is waiting, and now you want to sleep on a window seat...You can take your honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!" In the end, Mortimer is happy to learn that he was actually adopted by the Brewsters.

Also in the cast are: Jack Carson (Patrick O'Hara), John Ridgely (Officer Saunders), Edward McNamara (Police Sgt. Brophy), James Gleason (Lt. Rooney), Grant Mitchell (Reverend Harper), Vaughan Glaser (Judge Cullman), Chester Clute (Dr. Gilchrist), Edward McWade (Mr. Gibbs), Garry Owen (cab driver), and Charles Lane (Reporter at Marriage License Office), Sol Gorss, Hank Mann, Spec O'Donnell, Lee Phelps, Leo White, and Jean Wong. The script is by Julius J. and Philip G. Epstein. Music is by Max Steiner. Frank Capra directed this adaptation of Joseph Kesselring's hit Broadway play.

The play was such a smashing success on Broadway that it delayed the release of the film. It was made in 1941, but not released until September 23, 1944. This black farce is set-bound and ends rather abruptly, but it is one of the best madcap screwball comedies of all time. It is brilliant, frenetic, with non-stop action and comedy. Acting performances are perfect, there are lots of laughs mixed with creepiness, and it's one of the more sophisticated horror comedies.

In 1969 ARSENIC AND OLD LACE was remade as a TV movie with Bob Crane as Mortimer Brewster and Lilian Gish and Helen Hayes as the crazy aunts. This version is rarely watched and is very inferior to the original.

NETWORK (1976) * * *

Howard Beale (Peter Finch) is news anchor for the Evening News on fictional TV network UBS. He is fired due to low ratings and his termination will be effective in two weeks. The next night, Beale announces on the air that he will commit suicide by "blowing his brains out" with a gun in a future broadcast.

United Broadcasting System fires Beale because of his madness and problems with sponsors, but lets him back on the air when he promises to apologize. Instead, he rants about life being "bulls**t". Ratings for his show skyrocket, and because UBS is in fourth place, the executives are actually pleased and decide to exploit Beale's popularity. They will do anything to improve their ratings.

Beale's mental breakdown manifests itself in screaming diatribes on the air. He galvanizes the viewing audience with his rant, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore", and urges everybody to shout the same thing out their windows--which they do. Ratings soar, and Beale is given another program to host, "The Howard Beale Show", where he is the "mad prophet of the airwaves". It becomes the highest rated show on TV.

Some of Howard Beale's raving revelations:
"I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to write to your congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write."
"All I know is, you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a human being, goddamn it. My life has value.'"
"You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here, you're beginning to believe that the tube is reality and your own lives are unreal. You do. Why, whatever the tube tells you: you dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube. This is mass madness, you maniacs. In God's name, you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion."
"Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people."
"All human beings are becoming humanoids. All over the world, not just in America. We're just getting there faster since we're the most advanced country."
"We'll tell you anything you want to hear, we lie like hell."

At the same time, UBS producer and programmer Diana Christensen (Faye Dunaway) is also improving her status at the network. She is ruthless, cunning, predatory, and obsessed with her work, even when having sex with Max Schumacher (William Holden), a conscientious newsman. Frank Hackett (Robert Duvall) is a shark-like Vice President and Arthur Jensen (Ned Beatty) is an evangelistic Board Chairman. The network executives take turns yelling at each other. Performances are superb and startlingly realistic.

Diana: "I'm sorry for all those things I said to you last night. You're not the worst f**k I ever had. Believe me, I've had worse. You don't puff or snorkel and make death-like rattles. As a matter of fact, you're rather serene in the sack."
Max: "Why is it that a woman always thinks that the most savage thing she can say to a man is to impugn his c**ksmanship."
Diana: "I'm sorry I impugned your c**ksmanship."
Max: "I gave up comparing genitals back in the schoolyard."

When Beale discovers that UBS will be bought by a Saudi Arabian conglomerate, he asks the audience to contact the White House to stop the merger. Jensen lectures Beale on macroeconomics and persudes him to stop his populist messages. However, the audience is bored and depressed by his views on dehumanization, and ratings drop. Christensen arranges for Beale's on-air murder by terrorists from the UBS show, "The Mao-Tse Tung Hour", a new program in the fall season.

NETWORK is an outrageous and timeless satire on TV. This black comedy and fantasy is even more relevant today than when it was produced. It is a scathing indictment of the television industry that blurs the difference between reporting news and creating it. Uninhibited as it explores the inner workings of our most powerful medium, the director and screenwriter claimed it is not a satire, but a reflection of reality. NETWORK is noisy and tiresome at times. Also the cinematography is a little fuzzy and the soundtrack is mono.

Others in the cast include: Wesley Addy (Nelson Chaney), Arthur Burghardt (Great Ahmed Kahn), John Carpenter (George Bosch), Jordan Charney (Harry Hunter), Kathy Cronkite (Mary Ann Gifford), Ed Crowley (Joe Donnelly), Jerome Dempsey (Walter C. Amundsen), Conchata Ferrell (Barbara Schlesinger), Gene Gross (Milton K. Steinman), Stanley Grover (Jack Snowden), Cindy Grover (Caroline Schumacher), Darryl Hickman (Bill Herron), Mitchell Jason (Arthur Zangwill), Ken Kerch..Merrill Grant), Michael Lipton (Tommy Pellegrino), Michael Lombard (Willie Stein), Pirie MacDonald (Herb Thackeray), Bernard Pollock (Lou), Roy Poole (Sam Haywood), William Prince (Edward George Ruddy), Sasha von Scherler (Helen Miggs), Lane Smith (Robert McDonough), Ted Sorel (Giannini), Beatrice Straight (Louise Schumacher), Marlene Warfield (Laueen Hobbs), and many others. John Chancellor, Walter Cronkite, Gerald Ford, Betty Ford, Howard K. Smith, and David Susskind play themselves.

Paddy Chayefsky wrote the script. Sidney Lumet directed. Elliot Lawrence composed the original music, although there is no incidental music whatsoever in the film. The only music comes from commercials and TV show themes. Budget for the production was $3.8 million and it grossed $23,689,000 at the box office.

NETWORK was nominated for ten Academy Awards and won four. Peter Finch won a Best Actor award, the first person to win an acting award posthumously. Faye Dunaway won an Oscar for Best Actress. Sidney Lumet won the Best Director award. And Paddy Chayefsky won his third Oscar for Best Screenplay.

SCTV (1976-1984) * * *

"Don't touch that dial! Don't touch that one either! And stop touching yourself! SCTV is on the air!"

SCTV is a television station for the city of Melonville run by Guy Caballero (Joe Flaherty), owner and president who sits in a prop wheelchair to gain respect. The station broadcasts a range of cheap local programming such as soap opera "The Days of the Week", and schlocky horror movies such as "Dr. Tongue's 3-D House of Stewardesses" on "Monster Chiller Horror Theater".

Guy is too cheap to pay the ransom when Station Manager Moe Green (Harold Ramis) is captured by terrorists. On show 10 in Season 2, Guy announces that Moe Green is being replaced by Edith Prickley (Andrea Martin). She is a scream in her leopard-skin print outfit and over-the-top personality. Edith Prickley announces her plans for new programming: "Boobs, bums, good-looking hunky guys, and no more sports."

Everybody is great in the show, and John Candy is clearly the star. He has recurring roles as the vain and flamboyant Johnny La Rue; Harry "the guy with a snake on his face" who owns a porn store; vacuous Melonville Mayor Tommy Shanks; and Yosh Schmenge and his Leutonian polka band. He also plays Dr. Tongue, alien "Zontar" and does many devastating impressions. In three episodes he impersonates Divine and is even funnier than the original. Billy Sol Hurok (Candy) and Big Jim McBob (Flaherty) host "Celebrity Farm Report" and explode their guests, saying, "They blowed up, blowed up real good."

The show is similar to SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE and MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS. It is more timeless than SNL and has less of an edge. SNL, because it is live, must be topical and deal with current affairs. Therefore, we don't get much of the humour when we watch old shows, which might have skits about politicians we've completely forgotten. There was some cross-pollination with SNL. Martin Short, Robin Duke, and Tony Rosato moved to SNL, and SNL producer Don Novello came to SCTV for a while.

And unlike Monty Python, SCTV cannot cut from one sketch to another without resolution. It must stick to it's TV parody format. However, it does jump around in a similar manner by rapidly juxtaposing promotional clips, parodies, commercial send-ups, original characters, and impersonators of celebrities. The constant mixture of sketches of any length make it similar to Monty Python and SNL. Anything for a laugh.

SCTV is a writer's show, scripted mostly by the talented cast. Scripts range from good to excellent, and are quite dense. Shows must be watched alertly several times to be truly appreciated. The SCTV cast includes: John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Dave Thomas, Catherine O'Hara, Harold Ramis, Tony Rosato, Rick Moranis, Donald Cowper, Peter Wildman, Dick Blasucci, Robin Duke, Jayne Eastwood, and Monica Parker.

(Moe Green on Dialing for Dollars)
Moe Green: "We're trying to reach Mr. Paul Pope of Melonville to see if he knows the name of tonight's movie."
Moe Green: (on phone) "Hello. Hello, is this Paul Pope?"
Pope Paul: "No. This is Pope Paul"
Moe Green: "Pope Paul? We seem to have reached the Vatican, ladies and gentlemen. Well, hello, your Holiness, this is Moe Green on Dialing for Dollars."
Pope Paul: "Moe Green? Weren't you... hamana hamana"
Moe Green: "Uh, no. Your Holiness, we're trying to find someone who can tell us the name of tonight's movie."
Pope Paul: "Movie?"
Moe Green: "Yes. Would you like to take a guess? If you're correct, you'll win the jackpot of sixteen dollars."
Pope Paul: "Uh... hmmm... The Doberman Gang?"
Moe Green: "Oooo, I'm sorry, that isn't the name of tonight's movie, so that means that our jackpot will increase to seventeen dollars."

SECOND CITY TELEVISION first aired on Global TV in Canada on September 21, 1976, and ran for 2 seasons. It was a low-budget show produced by the Toronto branch of Chicago's Second City troupe. In 1980, after a year break, it moved to CBC for its third season. These 3 seasons were also syndicated in the US starting in 1977. In 1981, the series became "SCTV Network 90" then just SCTV, a 90 minute show on NBC. It continued to air on CBC as an hour show compiled from the NBC broadcasts. In 1983 it moved to Superchannel in Canada and Cinemax in the US for its final season as "SCTV Channel" with 45 minute shows. The last broadcast was July 17, 1984. There are 156 colour episodes in syndication, and all are 30 minute re-edited shows. For too many years SCTV was unavailable on home video, but it is now out on DVD.

Some of the most common sketches include SCTV News with Floyd Robertson (Joe Flaherty) and Earl Camembert (Eugene Levy), "The Sammy Maudlin Show", "Mel's Rock Pile" with Rockin' Mel Slirrup (Eugene Levy), and the "Great White North" with Bob and Doug McKenzie (Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas). The two beer-guzzling hosers' popularity led to the feature film STRANGE BREW (1983).

Impersonations of celebrities are generally brilliant. John Candy plays Orson Welles, Julia Child, Luciano Pavrotti, Divine, Jackie Gleason, Alfred Hitchcock, etc. Eugene Levy plays Ricardo Montalban, Henry Kissinger, Milton Berle, and is perfect as Perry Como. Andrea Martin does Barbra Streisand, Connie Francis, Ethel Merman, Mother Teresa, etc. Catherine O'Hara plays Katharine Hepburn, Jane Fonda, Elizabeth Taylor, Brooke Shields, and as Lola Heatherton constantly says, "I love you. I want to bear your children." Martin Short is terrific as Jerry Lewis, Dustin Hoffman, Brian Linehan, Jamie Farr, etc. Dave Thomas is so perfect as Bob Hope, that the real Bob Hope complimented and hired him.

During the NBC years the show featured musical guests such as Doctor John, John Mellencamp, Boomtown Rats, Natalie Cole, Hall and Oates, and Tony Bennett. The musical stars were there at NBC's insistence and usually are included in sketches. Other guests include Robin Williams, John Gielgud, Ralph Richardson, Carol Burnett, and Bill Murray.

SCTV is a great show. John Candy, Martin Short, Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Harold Ramis, and Rick Moranis went on to bigger things. But some of their best comedy performances are on SCTV.

ERNEST GOES TO JAIL (1990) * * 1/2

Jim Varney stars in his third movie about Ernest P. Worrall, and also plays a second role as Felix Nash, a cold-blooded murderer and prison "boss". Ernest serves on the jury for Nash's murder trial, but Nash arranges for look-alike Ernest to go to jail, while he is free to plan a bank robbery where Ernest works.

The switch starts in court, when Felix Nash convinces the jury to tour the prison. Ernest is kidnapped and forced to swap roles with Nash. He has misadventures in the slammer, imitates famous actors at a mirror, tries to escape, then is sent by the prison warden (Charles Napier) to the electric chair.

Ernest: "Death row? You mean like the chair, the hot seat, dead meat, deep 6, it's over pal, you're outta here bub, the groundhogs are bringing you your mail, you're picking turnips with a step ladder, the no tomorrow row? That kind of row? Oh no. The row?"

(Ernest as Auntie Nelda)
Aunt Nelda: "Young Man, Would you please open that gate, I left my car running outside?"
Gate Guard: "Ma'am, You tell me how you got through this gate, the visitors area's on the other side of the prison."
Aunt Nelda: "I brought him up with the best I could, but sometimes a bad thief pulls from even the most fragile flower."
Gate Guard: "Ma'am, you are not going through this gate."
Aunt Nelda: "Is this the way you'd treat your mother? Is this the kind of abuse that poor woman must endure?"
Gate Guard: "Well, I guess that my mother is a little bit mad."
Aunt Nelda: "Mmmhmm! You ought to be in the slammer with the rest of these misfits. If you had any remorse at all for the horror you pushed your mother through, you'd open that gate. I have a car overheating as we speak."
(Ernest makes a snooty expression at the Gate Guard)
Gate Guard: "OK, OK."
(picks up phone)
Gate Guard: "All right! Let's open the east gate."
(hangs up)
Gate Guard: "There. Now you satisfied?"
Aunt Nelda: "Now tell your mother how her son has improved the spited shaded in somewhat chicken pass."

Ernest accepts his fate: "So it's come to this. A pointless, miserable end to a shallow, meaningless life. But it's as it should be. It's the hand I've been dealt, and I have to play it as it lays. Oh, I'm not going to cry because life's thrown me a curve. I'm not going to whine because I got mashed potatoes when French fries is what I really wanted. It's time for me to step up to the plate, belly up to the bar! It's time for me to look fate square in the eye, flare my nostrils, breathe life's last breath. It's time for me to lie down with lions so I can soar with the eagles. All right! I'm ready! Come and get me. Let's do it!"

Guard: "Would you like a cigarette or a blindfold or something?"
Ernest: "No, I'm afraid of the dark, and cigarettes will kill you."

But the execution fails, and Ernest is turned into a superhuman with the ability to shoot lightning bolts from his hands. Calling himself "Electro Man", he escapes from prison, returns home, and is shocked that his weirdly furnished place has been re-decorated in a lounge lizard style. He says, "I've been vandalized--by Elvis!"

Ernest goes to the bank where he is the janitor and finds Nash robbing the bank. He uses his super powers to fly through the skylight with a bomb Nash had attached to the vault. There is a tremendous explosion and everyone assumes Ernest is dead, until he falls from the skylight onto Nash and says, "I came! I saw! I got blowed up!"

Ernest: "Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, 'I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw.'"
(finds his dog Rimshot in the trashcan) "What kind of person would throw away a perfectly good dog?"
"Real men are not intimidated by physical threats against their personal selves, and, ironically, neither am I."

Also in the cast are: Gailard Sartain (Chuck), Bill Byrge (Bobby), Barbara Tyson (Charlotte Sparrow), Barry Scott (Rubin Bartlett), Randall Cobb (Lyle), Dan Leegant (Oscar Pendlesmythe), Jim Conrad (Eddie), Jackie Welch (Judge), Melanie Wheeler (Prosecutor), Buck Ford (Defense Attorney), Daniel Butler (waiter), Myke R. Mueller (Vinnie), Barkley (Rimshot), and many others. Charlie Cohen wrote the script. Music is by Bruce Arntson and Kirby Shelstad. John R. Cherry III directed.

Jim Varney (1949-2000) made the bumbling and goofy Ernest character famous in many TV commercials before making movies. ERNEST GOES TO JAIL is a Disney production and contains no offensive language and Ernest plays multiple characters. It is cute, mindless, with some good slapstick and Ernest's usual child-like mugging and leering. This brainless screwball comedy has a good script and direction, and is silly, corny, cheesy, original, innocent, and wholesome fun. It's the second most successful Ernest movie, after ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS (1988), and it grossed over $25,000,000. The film is considered by his fans and detractors as his very best.

Adventures of PLUTO NASH (2002) * * 1/2

In 2087 Pluto Nash (Eddie Murphy) owns one of the best nightclubs on the Moon. Rex Crater (Murphy again) plans to take over the entire Moon, and wants to buy Pluto's club. Gangsters destroy the club, and Pluto, singer Dina Lake (Rosario Dawson) and robot Bruno (Randy Quaid) flee. The trio find out what Rex Crater wants with help from singer Tony Francis (Jay Mohr).

Pluto asks Tony Francis if he married twins. Tony replies, "No, I met the perfect woman, so I had her cloned." Dina Lake asks, "Which one is which?" Tony says, "Who cares?" And when Pluto tells Dina that Tony will help them because "He couldn't sing a note if it weren't for me.", she asks, "You taught Tony Francis how to sing?" "No", replies Pluto, "I convinced a bookie not to pour some acid down his throat."

Pluto: "That's a cryogenic Chihuahua."
Dina: "It's a real dog?"
Pluto: "Oh, yeah, it's very delicate. You know it's illegal to bring pets up here. But I got a friend back in Juarez who knows how to freeze-dry these things. Look at that. It's a girl. Pop that little bitch in the particle wave for two minutes on defrost... she'll be running around the room."

Last night I watched PLUTO NASH for the second time. Overall, the movie is reminiscent of Schwarzenegger's TOTAL RECALL, which takes place on Mars. When I saw the trailer for PLUTO NASH a few years ago, I was eager to see it. Everybody told me it was no good, made for kids, etc. They had never seen it! I could only find a Spanish language version until recently.

I loved it the first viewing, especially since I was expecting the worst. However, it does not seem to withstand repeated viewings very well. Great movies can be watched many times and each time we enjoy them more and notice something new. A good analogy is music. Beautiful music can be listened to many times, and each time we appreciate it more. Then there's bad music...

Eddie Murphy was brilliant on Saturday Night Live, the best talent in SNL's history. His live stand-up concerts, influenced by Richard Pryor, are hilarious. Murphy's shocking obscenities and other unique routines continue to entertain us on video. Now he has matured and seems infatuated with Walt Disney's family values. Have you seen HAUNTED MANSION? But all is not lost, for he also makes movies for adults and blacks.

PLUTO NASH was a critical and box office failure. With a budget of $100 million it grossed only $7 million. Eddie Murphy did not promote the film and jokingly said, "I know 2 or 3 people who liked this movie". Critics complained about the acting, dialogue, and lack of humour. It was nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Picture.

Others in the cast include: Joe Pantoliano (Mogan), Luis Guzman (Felix Laranga), James Rebhorn (Belcher), Peter Boyle (Rowland), Burt Young (Gino), Muguel A. Nunez Jr. (Miguel), Pam Grier (Flura Nash), John Cleese (James), Victor Varnado (Kelp), Illeana Douglas (Babette), Alissa Kramer (Gina Francis) Heidi Kramer (Filomina Francis), Lillo Brancato (Larry), Alex Sol (Tommy), Doug Spinuzza (Doug), Roc LaFortune (Jimmy), Russel Yuen (Oliver), Eric Hoziel (Johnson), Christopher Bregman (Michalak), Marlon Sterling Long (Lindsey), Alexander Bisping (Ted Jeffreries), Alec Baldwin (M.Z.M.), Patrick Kerton (Colins), Linda Smith (Dr. Runa Pendanken), Brian D. Wright (Ed), and many others. Neil Cuthbert wrote the script. John Powell composed the music. Ron Underwood directed.

THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH is best suited for Murphy fans, sci-fi/fantasy fans, and kids. It is rated "PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned", but many "kids movies" today would have been banned for adults a few decades ago. We've come a long way, and comic geniuses like Murphy have taken us here.

LI'L ABNER (1959) * * *

LI'L ABNER is a musical comedy based on the 1956 Broadway version of Al Kapp's syndicated comic strip that ran from 1934 until 1977. Most of the actors and dancers from the stage version are in the film, and it is remarkably faithful to its source.

The hillbilly town of Dogpatch fights the government's plan to turn it into a site for atomic bombs, while the army does a body-building experiment on Li'l Abner Yokum (Peter Palmer). Earthquake McGoon (Ben Hoffman) wants to marry Daisy Mae (Leslie Parish), who wants to marry Li'l Abner. He justs wants to go fishing. Pansy "Mammy" Yokum (Billie Hayes) has a tonic that might save the town. Li'l Abner offers the tonic to Washington, but General Bullmoose (Howard St. John) wants it too. The plot thickens.

Mammy Yoakum: "Is you inferring you has money?"
Earthquake: "Lady, I is filthy with it."
Mammy Yoakum: "Mister, you is filthy without it."
Sen. Phogbound: "I'll bet you were wondering what I've been doing up there in Washington, D.C. these past eighteen years."
Mammy Yoakum: "We didn't care, as long as you was there and we was here!"

Mammy Yoakum: "You gals are going to have to go through a before-marriage custom called engagement."
Moonbeam: "Engagement, what's that?"
Mammy Yoakum: "That's the part before the gal says 'Shore do!' and the preacher says 'Go, too!'"
Moonbeam: "How long this engagement thing last?"
Mammy Yoakum: "Sometimes a whole month."
Moonbeam: "A whole month? What are they, insecure?"

LI'L ABNER is a bright, cheerful and corny comedy, energetic and fast paced. One highlight is the music and dance sequence of the Sadie Hawkins Day race, in which the women of Dogpatch can marry the men they catch. The film is somewhat reminiscent of the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES TV show in some ways. It's a dated political satire, with off-beat wry humour, overacting, and quite a few sexual innuendoes.

The cast also includes: Stubby Kaye (Marryin' Sam), Julie Newmar (Stupefyin' Jones), Stella Stevens (Appassionata Von Climax), Joe E. Marks (Pappy Yokum), Al Nesor (Eagle Eye Fleagle), Robert Strauss (Romeo Scragg), William Lanteau (Available Jones), Ted Thurston (Sen. Jack S. Phogbound), Carmen Alvarez (Moonbeam McSwine), Alan Carney (Mayor Daniel D. Dogmeat), Stanley Simmonds (Rasmussen T. Finsdale), Diki Lerner (Lonesome Polecat), Joe Ploski (Hairless Joe), Jerry Lewis (Itchy McRabbit), and many others. Melvin Frank and Norman Panama wrote the script and Melvin Frank directed.

Music from the stage musical is by Gene de Paul. Original music is by Joesph J. Lilley and Nelson Riddle, who conducted. The Johnny Mercer songs are: "It's a Typical Day" (performed by the entire cast), "If I Had My Druthers" (performed by Peter Palmer), "Jubilation T. Cornpone" (performed by Stubby Kaye), "Rag Offen the Bush" (performed by the entire cast), "Namely You" (performed by Leslie Paish and Peter Palmer), "What's Good for General Bullmoose" (performed by Howard St. John, Stella Stevens, and Ted Thurston), "The Country's in the Very Best of Hands" (performed by Peter Palmer and Stubby Kaye), "I'm Past My Prime" (performed by Leslie Parish and Stubby Kaye), "Put 'em Back" (performed by Carmen Alvarez), and "Matrimonial Stomp" (performed by Stubby Kaye). The soundtrack is mono.

During Li'l Abner's and Sam's "The Country's in the Very Best of Hands" musical number, both Mayor Dawgmeat and his podium disappear twice. Nelson Riddle and Joseph J. Lilley were nominated for an Academy Award for their score. Nelson Riddle was nominated for a Grammy. LI'L ABNER was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Musical.

LI'L ABNER (1940) is a low-budget, poorly scripted adaptation of Al Kapp's comic strip. A great cast of silent film's best comics in grotesque makeup bring the characters to life, but it is not funny. The cast includes: Buster Keaton, Jeff York, Martha O'Driscoll, Mona Ray, Johnnie Morris, Billy Seward, Kay Sutton, Maude Eburne, Edgar Kennedy, Doodles Weaver, and many others. Tyler Johnson and Charles Kerr wrote the screenplay and Albert S. Rogell directed.

POPEYE (1980) * * 2/3

Robin Williams made his feature film starring debut as Popeye the sailor man. The movie adaptation is a musical based mostly on the Elzie Crisler Segar comic strip, rather than the Max Fleischer animated cartoons. Yet, the film begins with an authentic intro from the original black and white POPEYE cartoons.

Popeye arrives by dinghy in the seaside town of Sweet Haven looking for his long-lost father. He meets Wimpy (Paul Dooley) who loves hamburgers, Olive Oyl (Shelley Duvall), the love of his life, and Bluto (Paul L. Smith), a mean and nasty pirate who runs Sweet Haven. His dad Poopdeck Pappy (Ray Walston) shows up, he adopts Swee' pea (Wesley Ivan Hurt), and is determined to stop Bluto. He mops the floor with punks in Wimpy's burger joint, stops a greedy tax collector (Donald Moffat), and defeats a champion boxer.

Popeye: "I found him in Sweet Haven, that's why I am calling him Swee'Pea. That is his name."
Olive : "Swee'Pea is the worst name I've ever heard on a baby."
Popeye: "Well what do you wants me to call him? Baby Oyl?"

Like a cartoon character brought to life, Williams has massive forearms and mutters asides under his breath, a pipe clenched in his teeth. Often it's difficult to understand what he is saying. Both he and Shelley Duvall are perfect for their roles. Popeye sings, "I'm one tough gazookas that hates all palookas that ain't on the up and square. I biffs 'em and always out-roughs 'em and none of 'em gets nowhere. So keep good behavior, it's your one lifesaver, with Popeye the Sailor Man."

Popeye: "How come carrots is a dollar?"
Geezil: "$1.50. You buy what I don't feel like selling will cost you $2.00."
Popeye: (Takes the carrots and tosses Geezil a nickel)
Geezil: "Ah ah. Nope, this is a nickel."
Popeye: "I'm payin' what I feels like payin'."
Tax Man: "You're not up to no good are you? Because if you are there's a 25¢ up to no good tax."

POPEYE is a big-budget musical comedy directed by Robert Altman. It is suitable for kids, rated PG, and should also be classified as a cult film. With the strange and awkward set design, it is fascinating to watch and is often lots of fun.

The songs by Harry Nilsson are: I Yam What I Yam; He Needs Me; Swee' Pea's Lullaby; Everything is Food; Din' We; Sweet Haven; Blow Me Down; Sailin'; It's Not Easy Being Me; Children; He's Large; I'm Mean; Food, Food, Food; and Kids. "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man" was written by Samuel Lerner.

Nilsson took his band to Malta, where a special recording studio was constructed for the movie. Music was also recorded and mixed at Cherokee Studios, co-produced by Nilsson and Bruce Robb. Some of the songs are sung live in the film, and do not match the studio-recorded CD soundtrack. Shelley Duvall sings all her own songs.

Songs are cute and charming, and they advance the plot quite well. Examples are: "Sailin'", "He's Large", "I'm Mean", "Food, Food, Food", and "He Needs Me". There are very few rhymes in the songs; instead there is very much repetition. And Altman's style of cross-cutting to non-musical scenes during songs is quite evident.

One major criticism is the lack of action until the very end, when Popeye finally eats some spinach. Popeye dislikes spinach, and therefore Bluto forces him to eat some. This is ironic considering he is supposedly "strong to the finich, 'cause he eats his spinach!"

The cast also includes: Richard Libertini (Geezil), MacIntyre Dixon (Cole Oyl), Roberta Maxwell (Nana Oyl), Donovan Scott (Castor Oyl), Allan F. Nicholls (Rough House), Bill Irwin (Ham Gravy), Robert Fortier (Bill Barnacle), David McCharen (Harry Hotcash), Sharon Kinney (Cherry), Peter Bray (Oxblood Oxheart), Linda Hunt (Mrs. Oxheart), Geoff Hoyle (Scoop), Wayne Robson (Chizzelflint), Larry Pisoni (Chico), Calrlo Pellegrini (Swifty), Susan Kingsley (La Verne), Judy Burgess (Petunia), Saundra MacDonald (Violet), Michael Christiansen (Splatz), Van Dyke Parks (Hoagy), Dennis Franz (Spike), and many others. Jules Feiffer wrote the script.

This is one of my favorite Robin Williams films, but most movie reviewers do not like it. They write it is "astonishingly boring", "cluttered", and "uninspired and often pointless". I believe they simply do not like the Popeye character. If for some reason they did not like Shakespeare's Hamlet character, they would pan it as well. They are not being fair in their criticisms and honest about their prejudices.

POPEYE earned $50 million at the US box-office, more than twice its budget, and is still raking in money. It was filmed almost entirely on the Mediterranean island of Malta, in the village of Mellieha. The well-constructed set is now a popular tourist attraction called Popeye Village.

ALF (1986-90) * * *

Gordon Shumway, the last known survivor of the the planet Melmac, crash lands his space ship into the Tanner's suburban garage. William Tanner (Max Wright) names him ALF, an acronym for "Alien Life Form", and adopts him into his middle-class family.

ALF was born on October 28, 1756 on the Lower East side of Melmac, a planet located six parsecs past the Hydra-Centaurus Supercluster. It had a green sky, blue grass and a purple sun. Currency was "foam". Melmac exploded in a nuclear war. ALF is covered with orange fur, has a snout and eight stomachs. He attended high school for 122 years and was captain of the Bouillabaisseball team.

He has been compared to a talking family dog, but he is much more intelligent than that. The alien is blunt and sarcastic, constantly wisecracking and tossing off more one-liners than Bob Hope. He often quotes TV shows and pop songs, and makes alibis for his mischievous behavior. Food is a fixation and ALF loves the family cat Lucky, saying, "The only good cat is a stir-fried cat". He tries to hypnotize Lucky, saying, "You are getting sleepy. You are no longer a cat. You are a bagel." Similar to E.T. and the Muppets, ALF is an articulated puppet, with moving ears, eyes and mouth. Paul Fusco, creator of the show, provides the voice of ALF. In scenes where he is shown walking around, he is played by actor Mihaly "Michu" Meszaros.

William Tanner is a social worker. His wife Katherine Daphne "Kate" Halligan Tanner (Anne Schedeen) doesn't like ALF very much, but patiently tolerates his antics. Teen-age Lynn (Andrea Elson) and youngster Brian (Benji Gregory) are fond of him. In the final season the Tanners have a baby son Eric (J.R. and Charles Nickerson). The Tanners do an excellent job of reacting to the scene stealing ALF. At first he lives in the laundry room, then moves to the attic, but spends much time in the kitchen--where he is ordered to go when there are visitors.

Next door live the nosy Ochmoneks: Trevor (John LaMotta), Raquel (Liz Sheridan), and nephew Jake (Josh Blake). Many other characters appear in the show, including Kate's mother Dorothy Halligan (Anne Meara), and Willie's brother Neal Tanner (Jim M.Bullock).

(on a camping trip)
Willie: "One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us."
ALF: "Right. Let the alien starve."
Willie: "I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you. How would you like your hamburger?"
ALF: "Medium rare. Hold the lightning."
Willie: "How would you like to be 50% hair?"
ALF: "You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation."
Willie: "I'm just trying to make this vacation fun."
ALF: "How, by drowning us?"
Willie: "By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... Instead of complaining all the time."
Kate: "Guys, please."
ALF: "Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest."
Willie: "We're in this rainforest because of you!"
ALF: "I vote we go home."
Willie: "You're not voting in this."
ALF: "Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead."

ALF "Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?"
Kate: "Why?
ALF: "The cat won't fit in the toaster. Never mind, I'll make a peanut butter sandwich. Where's the blender?"
Kate: "Try it without the blender this time, and don't get hair in the peanut butter jar."
ALF: "Rules rules rules. Grease fire. Grease fire. Never mind, the curtains put me out."

Willie: "Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do."
ALF: "Well, that explains Ghostbusters II."
Lynn: "You have a cousin named Blinky?"
ALF: "Well, we call him that because he likes to eat lightbulbs."

Brian: "You'll have to chew with your mouth closed tonight, ALF."
ALF: "All right, but on my planet, that's considered very rude. People think you're hiding something."
Brian: "ALF wouldn't eat Lucky, would he?"
ALF: "I'm not saying nothing until I speak to my attorney."
Brian: "Do you get Sesame Street where you live?"
ALF: "No, and frankly I don't get it here either."

Debuting September 22, 1986, ALF is surely the best TV comedy of the 1980's, a Pop Culture phenomenon. ALF showed up as a "guest star" on TV shows such as THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES and THE TONIGHT SHOW. The series was NBC's most popular show and a merchandising goldmine.

102 episodes were produced and the name of each episode is also the name of a song relevant to the plot. ALF's constant quoting of pop songs is unprecedented. Music is by Alfred Clausen and Tom Kramer. There were 25 writers, most notably Paul Fusco, and 11 directors, especially Nick Havinga.

In the final season ALF is able to make contact with two other surviving Melmacians named Skip and Rhonda. Just as he is about to leave Earth, he is captured by the Alien Task Force. The last episode, "Consider Me Gone", was intended to be a cliffhanger, and the series ended on June 18, 1990.

PROJECT: ALF (1996) is a TV movie sequel that explains what happens to ALF. He lives on an Air Force Base with all the comforts of home, including endless supplies of food. Colonel Milfoil (Martin Sheen) wants to exterminate ALF, whereas Dr. Mulligan (William O'Leary) and Dr. Hill (Jensen Daggett) want to save him. They take ALF to somebody who wants to reveal him to the world. ALF escapes and embarks on a cross-country adventure to return home.

ALF and ALF TALES (1987-1990) is an animated version that was broadcast on NBC Saturday mornings. It first aired on September 26, 1987. The series follows ALF's adventures on Melmac with his family, girlfriend Rhonda, and friends Skip and Sloop. There are 47 episodes and the last is "King Midas" which was aired October 22, 1990.

Monty Python's THE MEANING OF LIFE (1983) * * *

Monty Python's 4th movie returns to the sketch format of their TV series. This is the last film with all the Pythons together as a group. It explores the many aspects of life and death, from procreation to the Grim Reaper and beyond.

Michael Palin said the film "ranges from philosophy to history to medicine to halibut--especially halibut." THE MEANING OF LIFE is outrageous, tasteless, offensive, irreverent, bizarre, and a gross-out. In other words, it is probably Monty Python's best movie.

The first pre-credits sequence is a short film about some old workers in a London insurance company, Crimson Permanent Assurance. It is the weakest sketch, too long at 16 minutes, not very funny and a bore to watch more than once or twice. The elderly office clerks rebel against their bosses, turn the building into a pirate ship, raid financial districts in big cities, then fall off the edge of the world. Good riddance. However, in all fairness, some Monty Python fans love it.

(large corporate boardroom filled with executives)
Exec 1: "Item six on the agenda: "The Meaning of Life". Now uh, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this."
Exec 2: "Yeah, I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts. One: People aren't wearing enough hats. Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this "soul" does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia."
Exec 3: "What was that about hats again?"
Exec 2: "Oh, Uh... people aren't wearing enough."
Exec 1: "Is this true?"
Exec 4: "Certainly. Hat sales have increased but not pari passu, as our research..."
Exec 3: "Not wearing enough? Enough for what purpose?"
Exec 5: "Can I just ask, with reference to your second point, when you say souls don't develop because people become distracted..."

All six Pythons appear as fish in a tank and discuss philosophy. These fish appear throughout the film, providing a little continuity with their comments. After the opening credits, "The Miracle of Birth, Part 1" involves scenes about the technology used in the modern birth process. Part 2 is a satire on the differences between Protestant and Roman Catholic views on contraception and sex.

A school teacher named Humphrey Williams (John Cleese) personally demonstrates live sex with his wife (Patricia Quinn) in his classroom of bored schoolboys.
Williams: "Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex. Where were we?"
(pupils can't remember)
Williams: "Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina?"
Pupils: "Uh, no, sir. No, sir."
Williams: "Well, had I done foreplay?"
Pupils: "Yes, sir. Yes, sir."
Williams: "Ah. Well, as we all know all about foreplay, no doubt you can tell me what the purpose of foreplay is. Biggs."
Biggs: "Um, don't know. Sorry, sir."
Williams: "Carter?"
Carter: "Oh. Uh, was it taking your clothes off, sir?"
Williams: "Well, a-and after that?"
Wymer: "Oh! Putting them on a lower peg, sir."
(Williams throws an object at Wymer for his stupidity)
Williams: "The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily."

An army officer (Terry Jones) is unable to rally his men during an attack, because the men insist on celebrating his birthday. Other vignettes include: philosophical discussions, vacation resorts, anti-semitism, middle class lifestyles, death, the after-life, and National Health doctors try to claim a liver from a living donor. Mr. Creosote (Terry Jones) steals the show as the world's largest glutton. MEANING OF LIFE won the Grand Jury Prize at the Cannes Film Festival. This is interesting because Orson Welles, surely Mr. Creosote's main competition for obesity, was a member of the jury.

Eric Idle sings the "Penis Song" much like Noel Coward in a posh restaurant:
"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your c**k.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back."

Every sketch has a meaning or moral. MEANING OF LIFE appeals mostly to fans of the "Flying Circus" TV series, and less so to fans of their "real" movies. It is more mature than their earlier comedy, with a darker edge. Beautifully filmed, it is also clever, daring, indulgent, disturbing, deliberately offensive, and of course delightfully silly.

The cast includes: Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, Carol Cleveland, Simon Jones (Cedric), Judy Loe (nurse), Andrew MacLachlan (Groom), Mark Holmes (severed head), Valerie Whittington (Mrs. Moore), Jennifer Franks (bride), Angela Mann, Peter Lovstrom, George Silver, Chris Grant, Sydney Arnold, Guy Bertrand, Andrew Bicknell, Ross Davidson, Myrtle Devenish, Tim Douglas, Eric Francis, Matt Frewer, Paul Bourke, Bonnie Bryg, Jane Colthorpe, Charlotte Corbett, and many others. The six Pythons wrote the script. Original music is by John Du Prez. Non-original music is by Johann Sebatian Bach. Terry Gilliam directed the "Crimson Permanent Assurance" segment. Terry Jones directed.

Guests at a dinner party in the countryside are visited by the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper: "Englishmen, you're all so f**king pompous. None of you have got any balls. Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say "Let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say." Well, you're dead now, so shut up."

At the end of the movie there is a surreal musical sequence about "Christmas in Heaven". Michael Palin in drag reveals the meaning of life: "Well, it's nothing very special. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which it seems is the only way these days to get the jaded, video-sated public off their f**king arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats. Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here's the theme music. Goodnight."

The Man in Pink (Eric Idle) sings the "Galaxy Song":
"The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whiz
As fast as it can go
The speed of light you know
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
So remember when your feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there is intelligent life somewhere up in space
Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."

CONEHEADS (1993) * * *

CONEHEADS the movie is derived from sketches on the Saturday Night Live TV show in the late 1970's. Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin reprise their roles as Beldar and Prymatt. Their daughter Connie is played by Michelle Burke. Laraine Newman, who played Connie on TV, has a brief appearance as Laarta, Prymatt's sister.

Beldar and Prymatt travel from the planet Remulak to prepare for an invasion of Earth, but plunge into the Hudson River. They live in Paramus, New Jersey where Beldar works as an appliance salesman. The Coneheads adapt to middle-class suburban life and masquerade as French humans with bizarre eating habits. When the aliens become relatively assimilated, they invite neighbours over for some "charred mammal flesh". Beldar refers to his lawnmower as, "a standard 3-horsepower carbon-fuel powered chlorophyll tube slicer."

They move to New York, where Beldar become a cab driver and starts his own driving school. The Coneheads use the names Donald R. DeCicco and Mary Margaret DeCicco. Connie grows up and has a boyfriend named Ronnie (Chris Farley). Life is going well until an INS agent (Michael McKean) pursues Beldar for having a phoney Social Security card. Beldar asks, "May I have 55 words with you?"..."Take my car, it's re-inforced alloy superstructure is far superior to that of your broken down, rusted out s**t box."..."When my people come to colonize this planet, you will be on the protected rolls, and no harm will come to you."

Ronnie: "Yeah, my grandfather's from the Old Country."
Connie: "Oh really, which one?"
Ronnie: "I'm not sure. One of the big ones."
(Connie gulps down an entire sub sandwich)
Ronnie: "Wow! My Mom's the only other woman I know who can take a sandwich like that!"
Connie: (pointing at Ronnie's sub) "You going to finish that?"
Ronnie: "H-hi, Mr. Conehead."
Beldar: "I find you unacceptable!"
Ronnie: "Yes, sir."
Beldar: "If I did not fear incarceration from human authority figures, I would terminate your life functions by applying sufficient pressure to your blunt skull so as to force its collapse."
Ronnie: "Th-thank you."
Connie: "I think I'll have some Tang."
Prymatt: "Ah Tang, the drink astronauts took to the moon."
Beldar: "Astronauts to the moon?"
(Beldar and Prymatt laugh)

On Beldar's home planet, the Remulakan High Master (Dave Thomas) is concerned about the botched invasion of Earth. There are great sets and special effects on Remulak. Beldar says, "When the High Master hears of this he will surely cut off my plargh and hand it to me." Then Beldar returns to Remulak, and there is a scene of him "narfling a Garthok".

High Master: "Let it be written... are you writing this? Therefore, you will... Narfle the Garthok."
Strong Cone: "I have learned much from watching the Garthok battle. It has weaknesses. I believe I can take it."
Beldar: "Uh-huh. And when are you expecting Elvis to arrive?"

The cast of CONEHEADS includes: Phil Hartman, Jason Alexander, Lisa Jane Persky, Sinbad, Jan Hooks, Adam Sandler, Kevin Nealon, David Spade, Tim Meadows, Robert Knott, Jonathan Penner, Whip Hubley, Howard Napper, Michael Richards, Eddie Griffin, Grant Martell, Rosa Maria Briz, Art Bonilla, Cooper Layne, Sarah Anne Levy, Drew Carey, Shishir Kurup, Sydney Coberly, Barry Kivel, Terry Turner, McNally Sagal, Richard Comar, Danielle Aykroyd, Nicolette Harnish, Joey Lauren Adams, Parker Posey, Julia Sweeney, Ellen DeGeneres, Walter Robles, Todd Susman, James Keane, Sam Freed, Garrett Morris, Tom Davis, Peter Aykroyd, Nils Allen Stewart, Mitchell Bobrow, Laurnce Bilzerian, Topper Lilien, Tom Arnold, and Jon Lovitz. The script is by Tom Davis, Dan Aykroyd, Bonnie Turner, and Terry Turner. Steve Barron Directed.

Songs on the soundtrack include: "Soul To Squeeze" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Kodachrome" by Paul Simon, "No More Tears" by k. d. Lang, and "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell. There are eleven songs and David Newman composed the original music.

CONEHEADS is a great family movie that is suitable for fans of comedy and Science Fiction. It is rated PG for brief profanity and a few gross jokes. As Chris Rock has pointed out, far too many bad movies have been made by SNL graduates. CONEHEADS is one of the best.

BEING THERE (1979) * * *

Chance (Peter Sellers) is an innocent feeble-minded simpleton who grows up in the home of a wealthy recluse in Washington, D.C. He tends the garden and watches TV. Except for his limited relationship with Louise the maid (Ruth Attaway), his only social and cultural education has been television. When his benefactor dies, middle-aged Chance must vacate his home and discover the world outside for the first time.

A minor car accident allows him to meet industrialist Benjamin Turnbull Rand (Melvyn Douglas) and his wife Eve (Shirley MacLaine). They misinterpret his name as "Chauncey Gardner", rather than "Chance the gardener". The Rands believe Chauncey is a bankrupt businessman and they interpret his bewildered silence as brilliant wisdom. When riding in a car for the first time Chance remarks, "This is just like television, only you can see much further." Upon walking out of an elevator for the first time he says, "That was a very small room."

Ben Rand is a dying man and an advisor to the US President "Bobby" (Jack Warden). Chauncey meets the President and his remarks about seasonal changes in the garden are misinterpretted as profound economic and political advice. The President is very impressed, and Chauncey rises to great political heights as a mysterious sage, homespun philosopher, and national celebrity.

President: "Mr. Gardner, do you agree with Ben, or do you think that we can stimulate growth through temporary incentives?
(Long pause)
Chance: "As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden."
President: "In the garden."
Chance: "Yes. In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again."
President: "Spring and summer."
Chance: "Yes."
President: "Then fall and winter."
Chance: "Yes."
Ben Rand: "I think what our insightful young friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we're upset by the seasons of our economy."
Chance: "Yes! There will be growth in the spring."
Ben Rand: "Hmmm."
Chance: "Hmmm."
President: "Hmm. Well, Mr. Gardner, I must admit that is one of the most refreshing and optimistic statements I've heard in a very, very long time."
(Ben Rand applauds)
President: "I admire your good, solid sense. That's precisely what we lack on Capitol Hill."

Steigler: "Mr. Gardner, uh, my editors and I have been wondering if you would consider writing a book for us, something about your um, political philosophy. What do you say?"
Chance: "I can't write."
Steigler: "Heh, heh, of course not, who can nowadays? Listen, I have trouble writing a postcard to my children. Look uhh, we can give you a six figure advance. I'll provide you with the very best ghost-writer, proof-readers..."
Chance: "I can't read."
Steigler: "Of course you can't! No one has the time. We, we glance at things, we watch television..."
Chance: "I like to watch TV."
Steigler: "Oh, oh, oh sure you do. No one reads."

When Ben Rand dies, members of the board of his companies decide that Chauncey Gardiner is obviously the best candidate to become the next President of the United States. As usual, Chauncey is oblivious to everything, and wanders around Rand's estate and goes across a small lake, walking on the surface almost like Jesus.

Some of Chance's lines:
(on death) "I've seen this before. It happens to old people."
(on TV) "I like to watch" (misinterpreted by Eve Rand who masterbates for him)
"Chauncy's fine." (When asked by Rand if he may call him Chauncy)
"Yes" and "I understand." (his most frequent responses)

Some of Ben's quotes read at his funeral:
"I have no use for those on welfare, no patience whatsoever. But if I am to be honest with myself, I must admit that they have no use for me either."
"When I was a boy, I was told that the Lord fashioned us from His own image. That's when I decided to manufacture mirrors."
"Security. Tranquility. A Well Deserved Rest. All the aims I have pursued will soon be realized."
"Life is a state of mind."

BEING THERE is a classic satiric comedy, a provocative seriocomic parable on the media's role in modern society. This droll low-key fable is full of black humour and viciously witty comments on American life. It is Peter Sellers' last screen performance, remarkably inspired, and he abandons his usual slapstic style and plays it straight-faced. During production, director Hal Ashby said, "Sellers has created this character that's so amazing, I could have him walk on water and people would believe it." Hal stopped and thought, "As a matter of fact, I will have him walk on water."

Adapted by Jerzy Kosinki from his 1971 novel, the movie is cynical, subtle, yet profound, existential, and far-fetched at times. It is somewhat similar to FORREST GUMP (1994). Peter Sellers died the year it was released, and it is definitely one of his best films. He was nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor, and Melvyn Douglas won a well-deserved Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. Shirley MacLaine is excellent. But BEING THERE is too long at 130 minutes, and sometimes it's almost a one-joke movie that overworks its wisdom-of-the-innocent theme.

Others in the cast include: Richard A. Dysart (Dr. Robert Allenby), Richard Basehart (Vladimir Skrapinov), David Clennon (Thomas Franklin), Fran Brill (Sally Hayes), Denise DuBarry (Johanna), Oteil Burbridge (Lolo), Ravenell Keller III (Abraz), Donald Jacob (David), Ernest McClure (Jeffrey), Kenneth Patterson (Perkins), Richard Venture (Wilson), Arthur Grundy (Arthur), W.C. Burton (Lewis), Henry B. Dawkins (Billings), Georgine Hall (Mrs. Aubrey), Nell P. Leaman (Constance), Villa Mae Barkley (Teresa), Alice Hirson (First Lady), James Noble (Kaufman), Gerald C. McNabb, Jr. (Woltz), Hoyt Clark Harris, Jr. (Riff), Ned Wilson (Honeycutt), Stanley Grover (Baldwin), John Harkins (Sidney Courtney), Katherine De Hetre (Kinney), William Larsen (Lyman Stuart), Jerome Hllman (Gary Burns), Arthur Rosenberg (Morton Hull), Sam Weisman (Colson), Gwen Humble (Annie Lawson), Meledy Britt (Sophie), Hanna Herteledy (Natasha Skrapinov), Elya Baskin (Karpatov), Than Wyenn (Ambassador Gaufridi), Richard McKenzie (Ron Steigler), Sandy Ward (Senator Slipshod), Danna Hansen (Mrs. Slipshod), Mitch Kreindel (Dennis Watson), and many others. Jerzy Kosinski wrote the screenplay from his novel with Robert C. Jones. Johnny Mandel composed the music. Hal Ashby directed.

AMADEUS (1984) * * *

AMADEUS is not a biography of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. It is a speculative and haunting story of Antonio Salieri (F. Murray Abraham), a mediocre second-rate composer who was jealous of Mozart. Some historians think Salieri possibly killed Mozart. The first lines in the film are from Salieri: "Mozart! Mozart, forgive your assassin. I confess. I killed you."

The movie starts in 1823 with Salieri as an elderly man in a lunatic asylum for attempting suicide. Father Vogler (Richard Frank) visits him and Salieri tells him his life story, beginning in Vienna 30 years earlier. Salieri is court composer of Emperor Joseph II (Jeffrey Jones). He is successful, popular, dedicated to God, and anxious to meet Mozart (Tom Hulce). Salieri says, "He was my idol. Mozart, I can't think of a time when I didn't know his name."

Mozart is a shocking disappointment to Salieri. The musical prodigy is immature, clownish, vulgar, and boorish. Salieri is envious and perplexed because Mozart can create musical masterpieces without even trying, while he can never rise above mediocrity. He feels betrayed by God, and says, "All I ever wanted was to sing to God. He gave me that desire, like a lust in my body, but then denied me the talent. Why?"

Mozart: "Why must I submit samples of my work to some stupid committee just to teach a thirteen-year-old girl?"
Strack: "Because His Majesty wishes it."
Mozart: "Is the emperor angry with me?"
Strack: "Quite the contrary."
Mozart: "Then why doesn't he simply appoint me to the post?"
Strack: "Mozart, you are not the only composer in Vienna."
Mozart: "No. But I'm the best!"

Mozart: "Forgive me, Majesty. I am a vulgar man. But I assure you, my music is not."
Emperor: "My dear young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect."
Mozart: "Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?"

Salieri pretends to be Mozart's friend and ally, but actually does everything possible to destroy his reputation and success. This despicable duplicity goes unnoticed by Mozart, whose initial social and financial triumph at court takes a nose dive. Although his musical compositions are flawless, Mozart's marriage, health, reputation and finances are serious problems.

Salieri: "That was Mozart. That! That giggling dirty-minded creature I had just seen, crawling on the floor... Through my influence, I saw to it that Don Giovanni was played only five times in Vienna. But in secret, I went to every one of those five. Worshipping sounds I alone seemed to hear."

Mozart: "It's unbelievable, the director has actually torn up a huge section of my music. They say I have to rewrite the opera. But it's perfect as it is! I can't rewrite what's perfect." (addressing the complaints about the "improper" libretto for "Figaro") "Come on now, be honest! Which one of you wouldn't rather listen to his hairdresser than Hercules? Or Horatius, or Orpheus... people so lofty they sound as if they s**t marble!"

Mozart: (about the royal composer's position he did not get) "Whom did they choose?"
Salieri: "Herr Zummer."
Mozart: "Herr Zummer? But the man's a fool, he's a total mediocrity!"
Salieri: "No, no, he has yet to achieve mediocrity."
Mozart: "I actually threw the score on the fire, he made me so angry."
Salieri: "You burned the score?"
Mozart: "No, no. My wife took it out in time."
Salieri: "You don't mean to tell me that you're living in poverty?"
Mozart: "No. But I'm broke."

For revenge, Salieri tricks Mozart into composing a Requiem, a task that leads to a nervous breakdown and alcoholism. Salieri plans to kill Mozart, play the Requiem at his funeral, and take credit for the writing. Mozart's friend Emanuel Schikaneder (Simon Callow) convinces him to write an opera "for the people". He composes "Die Zauberflote", which is a big success, but Mozart collapses from exhaustion at the opening performance.

Salieri: "The only thing that worried me was the actual killing. How does one do that? Hmmm? How does one kill a man? It's one thing to dream about it; very different when, when you, when you have to do it with your own hands... My plan was so simple. It terrified me. First I must get the death mass and then, I must achieve his death."

Salieri takes Mozart home and forces him to continue work on the Requiem. It becomes apparent when Salieri attempts to help him that he is pathetically inferior. In the morning Mozart's wife Constanze (Elizabeth Berridge) returns, evicts Salieri, and locks the unfinished Requiem away. She goes to Mozart's bedside, but he is dead at age 35. One of our very greatest musical composers is dumped in an unmarked mass grave without a coffin.

The flashback ends and the film returns to Salieri in the asylum. He tells the priest that God killed Mozart rather than let him steal his music. Salieri claims to be the patron Saint of all mediocrities, and as he is wheeled away says to the many lunatics, "Mediocrities everywhere, I absolve you, I absolve you, I absolve you, I absolve all of you."

AMADEUS is a brilliant meditation on the nature of genius. It is a lavish and opulent production that is intelligent, literate, witty, exciting, and entertaining. Acting performances are superb. The beautiful detailed period sets and billowy costumes enhance the soaring score of Mozart's magnificent music.

This film was shot on location in Prague and Vienna by cinematographer Miroslav Ondricek. AMADEUS was nominated for 11 Academy Awards and won 8 Oscars: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director, Best Art Direction, Best Costume Design, Best Makeup, Best Sound, and Best Screenplay.

The movie soundtrack includes: "Symphony 25 in G Minor", "Stabat Mater, Quando Corpus Morietur and Amen", "Bubak and Hungaricus", "Serenade for Winds", "Abduction from the Seraglio", "Symphony 29 in A", Concerto for 2 Pianos", "Mass in C minor", "Symphonie Concertante", "Piano Concerto in E flat", "The Marriage of Figaro", "Don Giovanni", "Zaide", "Requium; Dies Irae", "Requium; Rex Tremendae Majestatis", "Requium; Confutatis", "Requium; Lacrymosa", and "Piano Concerto in D minor".

The cast also includes: Roy Dotrice (Leopold Mozart), Christine Ebersole (Katerina Cavalieri), Charles Kay (Count Orsini-Rosenberg), Kenneth McMillan (Michael Schlumberg), Lisabeth Bartlett (Papagena), Barbara Bryne (Frau Weber), Roderick Cook (Count Von Strack), Milan Demanjanenko (Karl Mozart), Peter DiGesu (Francesco Salieri), Patrick Hines (Kappelmeister Bonno), Nicholas Kepros (Archbishop Colloredo), Jonathan Moore (Baron Van Swieten), Cynthia Nixon (Lorl), Douglas Seale (Count Arco), Cassie Stuart (Gertrude Schlumberg), Rita Zohar (Frau Schlumberg), Karel Gult (Count Almaviva), Magda Celakovska (Cherubino), Eva Senkova (Marcellina), Leos Kratochvil (Basilio), Gino Zeman (Don Curzio), Janoslav Mikulin (Dr. Bartolo), Ladslav Kretschmer (Antonio), Karel Fiala (Don Giovanni), Zdenek Jelen (Leporello), Vladimir Svitacek (Pope Kliment), and many others.

AMADEUS is based on the 1979 stage play by Peter Shaffer, inspired by Alexander Pushkin's short play "Mozart and Salieri". Peter Shaffer wrote the movie script and Milos Forman directed.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965) * * * 1/2

In 1938 Maria Rainer (Julie Andrews) is a free-spirited trainee nun who doesn't fit in at the Austrian convent. She tells the Mother Abbess, "I can't seem to stop singing werever I am." Maria is sent to work as a governess for a large family, Captain Georg Ritter von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) and his 7 children. He runs his home like the ship he once commanded and his motherless children are hostile with Maria until she teaches them the joy of singing.

Trapp: "The first rule of this household is discipline...You are the twelfth in a long line of governesses who have come here to look after my children since their mother died. I trust you will be an improvement on the last one. She stayed only two hours... It's the dress. You'll have to put on another one before you meet the children."
Maria: "But I don't have another one. When we entered the abbey our worldly clothes were given to the poor."
Trapp: "What about this one?"
Maria: "The poor didn't want this one."

(singing starts somewhere inside the house)
Trapp: "What's that?"
Maria: "It's singing."
Trapp: "Yes, I realize it's singing, but who?"
Maria: "The children."
Trapp: "The children?"
Maria: "I taught them something to sing for the Baroness."
Trapp: "You brought music back into the house. I had forgotten."

Although the captain is engaged to wealthy Baroness Elsa Schraeder (Eleanor Parker), he falls in love with Maria and they marry, singing "Something Good". Elsa says, "There's nothing more irresistable to a man than a woman who's in love with him." When the Nazis take power in Austria, Captain von Trapp refuses to serve the Third Reich, and the entire family hikes over the mountains to safety in Switzerland. The von Trapps are last seen climbing the Austrian mountains to escape to Switzerland, where they can perform to the world. A chorus sings the finale of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain."

Zeller: "Perhaps those who would warn you that the Anschluss is coming - and it is coming, Captain - perhaps they would get further with you by setting their words to music."
Trapp: "If the Nazis take over Austria, I have no doubt, Herr Zeller, that you will be the entire trumpet section."
Zeller: "You flatter me, Captain."
Trapp: "Oh, how clumsy of me - I meant to accuse you."
Zeller: "I've not asked you where you and your family are going. Nor have you asked me why I am here."
Trapp: "Well, apparently, we're both suffering from a deplorable lack of curiosity."

Nazi guards surround the theatre during the Salzburg Folk Festival. As a farewell song dedicated to his fellow Austrians, the Captain patriotically reprises the song "Edelweiss":
Trapp: "My fellow Austrians, I shall not be seeing you again perhaps for a very long time. I would like to sing for you now... a love song. I know you share this love. I pray that you will never let it die."

(the film's last lines)
Sister Margaretta: "Reverend Mother, I have sinned."
Sister Berthe: "I, too, Reverend Mother."
Mother Abbess: "What is this sin, my children?"
(the nuns look at each other, then reveal from under their robes the motor parts they removed from the Nazis' cars)

THE SOUND OF MUSIC is based on the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, which is about the real-life singing von Trapp family who fled Austria to escape the Nazis just before WWII. The musical is the final collaboration between composer Richard Rodgers and lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II, who died nine months after the premiere on November 16, 1959 at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre. The original Broadway production featured Mary Martin and Theodore Bikel. It was the second longest running musical of the 1950's.

Both the stage musical and movie are excessively sugary. The film version has drama, comedy, suspense, romance, and music. Cinematography is magnificent, capturing the beautiful Salzburg location. The cast is excellent, especially Julie Andrews who had just won an Oscar for MARY POPPINS (1964). She is effervescent and sings marvelously. Christopher Plummer's singing was dubbed in by Bill Lee.

The songs are: "The Sound of Music", "Morning Hymn/Alleluia", "Maria", "I Have Confidence in Me", "Sixteen Going On Seventeen", "My Favorite Things", "Do-Re-Mi", "The Lonely Goatherd", "Edelweiss", "So Long, Farewell", "Climb Ev'ry Mountain", and "Something Good".

The cast also includes: Richard Haydn (Max Detweiler), Peggy Wood (Mother Abbess), Anna Lee (Sister Margaretta), Portia Nelson (Sister Berthe), Ben Wright (Herr Zeller), Daniel Truhitte (Rolfe), Norma Varden (Frau Schmidt), Marni Nixon (Sister Sophia), Gilchrist Stuart (Franz), Evadne Baker (Sister Bernice), Doris Lloyd (Baroness Eberfeld), Charmian Carr (Liesl von Trapp), Nicholas Hammond (Friedrich von Trapp), Heather Menzies (Loisa von Trapp), Duane Chase (Kurt von Trapp), Angela Cartwright (Brigitta von Trapp), Debbie Turner (Marta von Trapp), Kym Karath (Gretl von Trapp), and many others.

Everything originated with the autobiographical book "The Story of the Trapp Family Singers" by Maria von Trapp. Howard Lindsay and Russel Crouse wrote the musical book. Ernest Lehman wrote the screenplay. Cinematography is by Ted D. McCord and Robert Wise directed.

SOUND OF MUSIC won five Academy Awards: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Musical Score, Best Adaptation, and Best Editing. Adjusting for inflation, the movie made well over $900 million, and it saved 20th Century Fox from bankruptcy caused by CLEOPATRA (1963). The RCA soundtrack album sold over 11 million copies. Mary Martin, the Broadway Maria and co-producer of the movie made $8 million. Julie Andrews earned just $225,000.

The movie is overlong at 174 minutes, and is usually cut to 145 minutes for TV broadcasts. Co-star Christopher Plummer disliked the film and called it "The Sound Of Mucus". And because it was then the largest grossing picture of all time, film critic Pauline Kael called it "The Sound Of Money". Then there's "The Sound of Muzak". THE SOUND OF MUSIC is a classic film with excellent music.

THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES (1939) * * *

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novel "The Hound of the Baskervilles" was originally serialised in the Strand Magazine in 1901 and 1902. The setting is largely on Dartmoor in 1889. When researching the novel, Doyle was a medical doctor in Plymouth and explored the moor to capture its atmosphere. The marsh around Fox Tor Mires was definitely the inspiration for the book's "Grimpen Mire" and Baskerville Hall is either Hayford Hall or Brook Manor, both near Buckfastleigh. However, Baskerville Hall in Clyro claims to be the inspiration for the building.

THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES marks the debut of Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes, and Nigel Bruce as Dr. John H. Watson. They made 14 Sherlock Holmes movies, all in Hollywood. THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES (1939) is considered to be the best. After these two gems at Twentieth Century Fox, Sherlock Holmes moved to Universal Studios and the 12 films produced there are inferior with the setting changed from Victorian England to the present.

Sir Henry Baskerville (Richard Green) returns from Canada and opens up his ancestral mansion on the desolate moors of Devonshire. He is the sole heir to the Baskerville fortune. Henry's uncle Sir Charles Baskerville (Ian Maclaren) is murdered and at 221b Baker Street in London he asks Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone) to save him from a family curse. A huge supernatural Hound on the moor has supposedly existed since 1650 and kills because of the misdeeds of a Baskerville. Holmes uncovers a plot to steal Sir Henry's inheritance that dates back generations.

Holmes: "There are still some gaps to be filled, but all in all, things are becoming a little clearer."
Watson: "Not to me, I assure you; it's all a hopeless jumble. Stapleton, Franklin, the Barrymans - put it all together and what have you got?"
Holmes: "Murder, my dear Watson. Refined, cold blooded murder."
Watson: "Murder?"
Holmes: "There's no doubt of it in my mind. Or perhaps I should say, my imagination. For that's where crimes are conceived and they're solved - in the imagination."
Watson: "Then, why are we rushing up to London, leaving Sir Henry entirely alone and unprotected?"
Holmes: "We're not, my dear Watson. We're just giving the impression of rushing up to London."

Holmes dons several clever disguises to investigate. He appears as a pedlar to Dr. Watson (Nigel Bruce), Sir Henry, and Miss Beryl Stapleton (Wendy Barrie). After removing his disguise, Holmes and Watson return to Baskerville Hall to figure out the identity of the murderer. Dr. James Mortimer (Lionel Atwill) says, "Mr. Holmes, we've admired you in the past as does every Englishman. Your record as our greatest detective is known throughout the world. But this--seeing how you work--knowing that there is in England such a man as you gives us all a sense of safety and security. God bless you." Holmes knows who is the murderer but needs evidence. He tells Watson, "The only way is to catch him red-handed, to catch him in such a way that there's no escape, no alibi. And that means gambling with Sir Henry's life...But we've got to take that chance."

(a portrait that Holmes has just seen fascinates him)
Holmes: "You must - you must dine with us before you sail."
Sir Henry: "Well, there's the old boy himself - Sir Hugo, the Beast of the Baskervilles."
Watson: "Done by Ransome, one of the minor painters."
Sir Henry: "I don't imagine it's very valuable."
Holmes: "I can't quite agree with you, Sir Henry. One day, it might prove to be of the greatest value."

Young Sir Henry falls in love with Miss Stapleton, sister of the overly friendly John Stapleton (Morton Lowry). Holmes reassures Sir Henry of his safety, takes a train to London, but quickly returns to the moor to save Sir Henry by shooting the Hound dead. When Sherlock Holmes explains the mystery, John Stapleton pulls out a gun, then runs out of the house. Holmes says that the police are waiting outside and the only means of escape is through the deadly Grimpen Mire. Ever faithful to the novel, as the film ends Sherlock Holmes asks for an injection of cocaine: "Oh, Watson, the needle!"

This film is perhaps the definitive version of the novel, although it does take liberties with the source. Basil Rathbone is certainly the definitive Sherlock Holmes, unmistakable in his deerstalker hat with a Calabash Meerschaum pipe and magnifying glass. "Hound of the Baskervilles" is the only novel-length Sherlock Holmes story by Doyle and the film's dialogue is almost word-for-word the same as the book. The detective duo are perfect for their roles with perfect chemistry. Holmes is brilliant at deductions and disguises, and Dr. Watson is the bumbling but faithful assistant. The cinematography emphasizes the foggy locales and shadowy interiors. It's a fascinating mystery/thriller/horror film scripted by Ernest Pascal with music composed by David Buttolph, Charles Maxwell, Cyril J. Mockridge, and David Raksin. Sidney Lanfield directed.

Also in the cast are: John Carradine (Barryman), Barlowe Borland (Mr. Frankland), Berly Mercer (Jenifer Mortimer), Eily Malyon (Mrs. Barryman), E. E. Clive (John Clayton), Ralph Forbes (Sir Hugo Baskerville), Lionel Pape (Coroner), Nigel De Brulier (Nottinghill Murderer), Mary Gordon (Mrs. Hudson), John Burton (Bruce), Dennis Green (Jon), Ivan F. Simpson (shepherd), Evan Thomas (Edwin), Peter Willes (Roderick), Harry Cording, Leonard Carey, Kenneth Hunter, Vesey O'Davoren, Rita Page, John Graham Spacey, Ruth Terry, David Thursby, and Mary Young. The Hound (a 140 pound Great Dane) is played by "Chief" in the credits, although his actual name is "Blitzen".

There are at least 24 movie versions of HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES. In 1959 Hammer Films released its adaptation with Peter Cushing, Andre Morell, and Christopher Lee. It is very good, atmospheric, dark and moody, with more supernatural terror. Sherlock Holmes says, "The powers of Evil can take many forms. Remember that, Sir Henry, when you're at Baskerville Hall. Do as the legend tells and avoid the moor when the forces of darkness are exalted." Some reviewers think it is the best version. Mostly because of this film, the original was out of circulation until 1975.

1972 brought a TV movie version with Stewart Granger as Sherlock Holmes and Bernard Fox as Dr. Watson. William Shatner has a small part as George Stapleton. It's miscast, cheap, cheesy, shoddy, weak, ludicrous and not very good. The sets steal the show. Music is taken from CAPE FEAR (1962) and NIGHT WALKER (1964). Most viewers think it's very bad, but a few think it's funny.

HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES (1978) stars Peter Cook as Holmes and Dudley Moore as Watson and also as Holmes' mother. It is a terrible parody. This spoof, poorly directed by Paul Morrissey, is a flat waste of talent. Some viewers find it amusing, and it appeals to some fans of British gross-out humour, perhaps Monty Python fans. One admirer of this turkey wrote, "It is surreal, absurd, and profoundly silly."

The 1983 TV version with Ian Richardson and Donald Churchill is excellent. It has very good sets and production values with a good supporting cast. This version is dark, suspenseful, scary, and faithful to its source. Holmes says, "But without the imagination Watson, there would be no horror." Some consider it to be the best interpretation, and it certainly deserved theatrical release. It is now available on DVD.

LIVE AND LET DIE (1973) * * *

Roger Moore, in his debut as MI6 superagent 007, is sent to New York to investigate the deaths of several British agents. LIVE AND LET DIE is the eighth official 007 movie in the franchise. Sean Connery was offered $5,500,000 for the part, but turned it down.

James Bond must stop the activities of Mr. Big, a.k.a. Dr. Kananga (Yaphet Kotto), who plans to take over the West by turning everyone into drug addicts. Kananga is the dictator of the Caribbean island of San Monique and his methods include voodoo. He says, "Tee Hee, on the first wrong answer from Miss Solitaire, you will snip the little finger of Mr. Bond's right hand. Starting with the second wrong answer, you will proceed to the more...vital...areas."

Mr. Big: (to his men) "Is this the stupid mother who tailed you uptown?"
Bond: "There seems to be some mistake. My name is..."
Mr. Big: "Names is for tombstones, baby. Y'all take this honkey out and waste him now!"

This movie was made during the "Blacksploitation" craze, so the exotic locales include Harlem, New Orleans and Jamaica, as well as London. The white "pimpmobile" is a Chevrolet Corvette fitted with the fibreglass molding of a Cadillac Eldorado--a "Corvorado". It appears in other films such as SUPERFLY (1972).

Cab driver: "You know where you're going?"
James Bond: "Uptown, I believe?"
Cab driver: "Uptown? You headed into Harlem, man!"
James Bond: "Well you just stay on the tail of that jukebox and there's an extra twenty in it for you."
Cab driver: "Hey man, for twenty bucks I'd take you to a Ku Klux Klan cookout."

007 is successful partly with the help of Solitaire (Jane Seymour in her film debut), who interprets tarot cards for Mr. Big. There are many spectacular chase scenes, including Bond in a motorboat that plows through an outdoor wedding. The speedboat jumping over the road scene set a new world record of 110 feet. A second boat collides with a police car. It was not in the script, but is seen in the film. During the boat chase, Bond slides over an island on which there is a wedding ceremony. One of the other boats following Bond slides into the wedding cake, destroying it. The bride grabs onto her husband and bursts out crying. You can notice that the groom begins to laugh just as the shot ends.

Another highlight is Bond's escape from the crocodile farm. This amazing and deadly dangerous stunt was done by Ross Kananga, owner of the farm and stunt coordinator for the film. He lost a shoe to a hungry crocodile during the filming of the stunt. Dr. Kananga was named after him.

Tee Hee: "There are two ways to disable a croc, you know."
Bond: "I don't suppose you'd care to tell me what they are."
Tee Hee: "One way is to take a pencil and stick it in the pressure area above its eye."
Bond: "And the other way?"
Tee Hee: "Oh, the other way is twice as simple. You just stick your hand in its mouth and pull its teeth out. Heh, heh."

Clifton James makes his first of several 007 appearances as the redneck sheriff J. W. Pepper. He asks, "Secret Agent? On whose side?" and says, "You picked the wrong parish to haul ass through boy. Nobody cuts and runs on Sheriff J. W. Pepper! And it's him who's speakin' by the by." Q does not appear in the film, because gadgetry is not emphasized, but he is mentioned at the beginning of the movie.

Also in the cast are: Julius Harris (Tee Hee), Geoffrey Holder (Baron Samedi), David Hedison (Felix Leiter), Gloria Hendry (Rosie Carver), Bernard Lee (M), Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny), Tommy Lane (Adam), Earl Jolly Brown (Whisper), Roy Stewart (Quarrel Jr.), Lon Satton (Harold Strutter), Ruth Kempf (Mrs. Bell), Joie Chitwood (Charlie), Maeline Smith (Miss Caruso), Michael Ebbin (Dambala), Robert Dix (Hamilton), Dennis Edwards (Baines), Lance Gordon (Eddie), Stephen Hendrickson (Mr. Bleeker), Arnold Williams (cab driver), and many others. Tom Mankiewicz wrote the screenplay. The music score is by George Martin. Guy Hamilton directed.

Film critics generally don't like this film, but it is my favorite Roger Moore 007 movie. It has great production values, flashy cinematography, suspense, tongue-in-cheek humour, and lots of action. With a budget of $7 million it raked in $514 million, so it is obviously a popular success despite what the critics believe.

Roger Moore is very good as James Bond: suave, charming, confident, witty, light-hearted, and he has a sense of humour. He's not as great as Sean Connery, but is better than George Lazenby, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig.

However, Moore's 007 is probably the least like the character created by writer Ian Fleming. His interpretation is more like the spy Simon Templar he played in THE SAINT (1962-1969) TV series. 118 episodes were made, 71 in black and white, 47 in colour. Two theatrical films were made from 4 of the episdes. Moore is the son of a cop, was an officer in the military, and for seven years acted in a TV spy role. He is more qualified than the others to play 007.

Paul and Linda McCartney wrote and recorded the title song for LIVE AND LET DIE. It was nominated for an Academy Award and reached 2 on the Billboard Top Ten.